Thinking back on the last two nights, I can't help but be in awe of how many interesting little adventures I've been on. Time permitting, I'll have several posts about each one, but I wanted to make a post reviewing the overall night. So many things happened Saturday night, that I'm really have trouble recalling some of the sets from Friday night off the top of my head.
Leading:
I must focus on the positive and I feel that energy right now. Friday night, I remember being frustrated at the end that we were able to actually close the deal after getting so close so many times in the past two weeks. Today, I know there's one more night, and I really am just enjoying thinking back on my evening. I really recognize the progress I've made from the beginning of the journey, and just in the past two weeks.
I have a long way to go, but my mind set has been much better. I think the near misses have made me feel more confident and have pushed me to lead me and be more alpha as I know that's how I have to be to make things happen and to get to where I want to be.
I've found myself leading several sets these past few nights to venue changes and a few times, actually trying to pull. I've found myself actually trying to figure out logistics. My kino has been better as well.
How do you not act this way:
Unfortunately, I still know the answer to that at the beginning of the night. Saturday night I used a cheat code. I drank a few beers right at the start so there was no warm up necessary for me. I just started opening sets off the street. My game actually improved as I just stop drinking and didn't let myself get stupid. I know when I overdo it, I end up not thinking clearly and not being able to solve logistics or even think about asking those type of questions.
When I don't drink, which I didn't do Friday, I feel that hesitation at the beginning. It's not even approach anxiety in that I'm not afraid to go open. It's more like I have to will myself to hit up some sets that often are in danger of being really awkward. Part of me doesn't want to open because I don't want to feel that awkwardness but I know that just standing around isn't going to accomplish anything. Once I hit up some sets, then I start to build momentum, as Tyler has so accurately described, and then the night gets better.
I'm just thinking about how much better it feels to keep pushing myself into sets and trying to lead and make things happen. The near pulls or screw ups often hurt, but that pain drives me to improve and it's so much better than wishing I hadn't held myself back or standing around in hesitation like I have most of my life.
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