My sleep schedule is so messed up that all I could do is roll around in bed. I was hoping to get 2-3 hours of sleep before the Sunday football games begin but looks like I won't get any.
Of course, I kept thinking about last night. At time, I had myopia in the heat of the moment. As I reflect on in more in hindsight, it is like I put on a pair of glasses and I see all the possible moves I could have made.
More importantly, it made me understand a point Nintendo was trying to make during out debriefing meal. While he admitted that many scenarios repeat themselves, he said I need to figure out a way to not get lost in the moment like I did and have a way to plan for the unexpected.
I think the solution is I need to get myself in more of these situations. I also have to have some plan, even a little plan for how I can pull. Yes, I've been telling my wings, "We're gonna pull this week!" I think a small part of me had faith it would happen but I didn't even plan how I could pull or even think about late game fundamentals. I shouldn't be surprised that I got lost as it's not like I've had that much end game experience on top of not even thinking about it. If anything, last night will prevent me from not having some pulling plans each night for the near future. I remember discussing our plans for what to do after the first venue. We contemplated various after hours bars and then I added, "Wait, we have to include the possibility that we can pull. If we don't even consider that, we aren't really believe we can do it." What I did was a bit like not carrying condoms, and the lack of even minor planning on my part hurt me.
Next, I think I just need to again just think fundamentals. It's so clear that this was like that old game stuff I read long ago about how you get up to a girl's apartment after a Day 2. Yes, this was a hotel, and it was complicated by the girls all being in the same room, but if I had even though of the fundamentals, I might have been less lost. The simple rules I can remember is that you make up some excuse for you to come inside. As I've said, the pizza was a reason. The next thing is to put a false time constraint. I could have said, "I can't stay too long, but why don't I come up for a second to warm up and I'm curious how the rooms here compare to other hotels I've been to in the city."
I think the girl was throwing me some help, but she wasn't gonna do it all for me:
It's funny that I keep complaining about how all my pulls have involved dealing with a bunch of resistance. I know pulling is often like that, but I also said I was a bit envious of not ever getting thrown some easy ones like Andydufresne gets, or even like Nintendo has gotten. Nintendo said one of his first pulls after starting pickup was just telling this girl, "Let's get the fuck out of here" and she agreed and left with him. I said that part of my problem of never getting easy pulls is that I obviously don't go for the pull often enough, and how can I expect to get an easy one if I've never even thrown out something blatantly obvious like Nintendo did.
I guess it's good that my knowledge of theory prevents me from throwing a Hail Mary pass like that when I can methodically do things correctly.
I think this was a set that was gonna give me the least resistance I can honestly expect. She gave me little. She didn't resist when I went to sit with her at the table. She gave me the phone number with no resistance. She turned her head slightly for the kiss but quickly accepted the second attempt. When I said I was coming to the hotel, I got zero resistance. She just told the 3rd wheel girl, "He's gonna walk with us back." 2j said the 3rd girl can only be considered a problem if she cockblocked, and she didn't. She even tried to help things along saying she'd let the other girl in.
I failed to lead in the end. I swear, and also hate to admit, that it wasn't like me playing out my own movie. It was like this scene was unfolding before me and I could scarcely believe it was happening. That just shows how low my game had sunk in recent times. It's not like I never pulled before but I had gotten into such a bad inner game space that my ability to do this seemed to far away. It just last summer but it felt like it was years ago in another lifetime.
As I said, she asked me where I lived and how far I lived several times and I think she might have been helping me suggest a way to deal with the shared room situation. I think she was throwing me an assist when she asked me how I was gonna get home. I could have said, "Why don't I come hang out for a little bit as I have to wait for a train to get home?"
Heck, "I'm tired, why don't I hang up and warm up for a bit."
I could have even used Crazyfoot's line from a month ago, "Hey,do you have an extra bed for me?!"
How did I not even ask to go upstairs? I actually would have rather run shitty game and made the attempt rather than to not even try. It's like I accepted I wasn't gonna go up.
Summary of lines or tactics that have popped into my head now:
1) Just tried to pull to my place despite distance and "roommate."
2) Got her to come to the car so I could pick up food, or get her by Nintendo's place.
3) Let me come have some pizza, I'm hungry.
4) Crazyfoot's line above.
5) I have a long drive, can I chill with you for a bit?
6) I could have even pushed it. Can I crash for a few hours on the floor so I don't have to drive back at this late hour?
7) 3rd girl, you go up. My girl, come sit with me for a second so we make sure everything is okay with your friend.
8) 2j suggested, "Can I use your rest room?" I don't like this because there's a rest room in the lobby of every hotel.
9) I've never been in this hotel. I'm curious how the rooms look. How's your view?
10) When we walked in, I just assume I'm going up and throw up the time constraint. "I'll come up. I need to warm up, but I can't stay for too long."
I can go on and on yet none of this shit popped into my head at the time. It was like I expected her to invite me up or come up with something, yet I really do think she threw me some assists, which many girls won't do.
I seriously think I was more focused on how I wish I had another wing with me for the third girl. I also remember thinking, this sucks, I'm not gonna get to go up. The negative thoughts didn't help and probably transferred via state transference to her.
Even worse, at 8:30am, I realized she had responded to my text. As I was texting my buddies, I remember getting a text from her confirming I had text her correct number. I replied with my usual dream catcher text. In the process of having my wings meet me at the 7-11, I missed that she replied back to the text, "Where are u, are you making it back safe?"
Yeah, that's not much to work with, but I should have text back and tried to further make things happen or just set up something for Sunday night. Blah.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
3 levels of persistence from 3 guys in a 3-set: RSD post
I decided to post a abbreviated version of the 3-set last night. I just felt like it clearly showed levels of persistence that many guys have in the game and how it holds them back. By writing it, I hoped to hammer the idea home for myself, and maybe to guys that read it:
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/295963
I was involved in this 3-set of 3 girls with 3 guys with 3 levels of persistence who also didn't know each other. I suppose this could be in the FR section also. Its amuses me that this just happened to me last night and helped hammer home a key point for me. I don't go into details, but there were various levels of "game" involved in how the guys got their girls. You could argue speed of escalation, or money spent, or whatever, but the stories shows that level of persistence here was key to who got laid and who didn't. I just wrote this in the hope that it helps hammer the lesson home for someone and maybe you end up pulling for New Years because you happened to be inspired by this story.
There was a 3-set of out of town girls. There was an Indian girl who was totally into this Indian guy with bottle service. There was a cute little blonde with a smiley Asian guy, and a pale brunette with a tall alpha white guy. The Indian guy had been making out with the Indian girl for who knows how long. The Asian guy was slow with the kino but finally started to escalate. He slowly got to the point of having his arm around her and holding her hand. He later got a short make out by a pillar. On the other side of the pillar was the tall alpha looking guy. He had gotten in the set the latest. He danced with the brunette, got her up against the same pillar and made out with his girl in less than 5 minutes.
About ten minutes later, the girls announced they were going back to the hotel. Here comes the tale of 3 levels of persistence:
Alpha looking guy dropped out of the game the first. He just let his girl walk away. He didn't even number close. He didn't even try to even come outside with the girl.
The Asian dude grabbed the blonde's hand and told her he was going with her.
The Indian guy hesitated visibly but then went outside with his girl where he proceeded to make out with her again.
Fast forward a 4-5 block walk to the girl's hotel in the freezing cold. One or both of the guys had no jacket on top of that. One of the guys dealt with the third girl who even commented, "My guy got left at the club."
I'd add here "It was more like he took himself out of the game. He didn't even try to leave with girl. Maybe he was just happy to get a make out. Regardless, he screwed up."
The girls were talking about going up to the room, a room that the three of them shared. The Asian guy doesn't even come up with an excuse to come up to the room. He must have figured he was done there as the girl wasn't inviting him up and there was another girl to deal with.
The Indian guy, who is the champ in this story, is by the revolving door. He's not even there discussing things with the Asian guy and the two girls. He's making out with his girl. He leads her to the side of the lobby away from the group and probably made something happen.
The lesson in this story is be like the Indian guy. You persist to the very end. Definitely don't be like the guy who didn't even try to leave the club with the girl . I've been that guy far too many times and who knows how many pulls I missed from lack of even trying.
It sticks with me how that third girl had even commented that she wanted the guy to be there and not back in the club.
Obviously, I wasn't that guy or I wouldn't know the rest of the story. I wish I had been the champ but I let myself get lost by trying to deal with the two girls. Later, I thought of reasons I could have used to get up to the room but my mind was blank as I sat in the hotel lobby. The girl's had left over pizza and I could have asked for some. I could have had my girl sit down with me with the pretense of "looking out for the 3rd friend" while I had the extra girl go up to the room. I also should have just tried to get her to come to my place despite living 20 minutes away and having a "roommate" i.e. my mother in this 2 bedroom condo.
There was a 3-set of out of town girls. There was an Indian girl who was totally into this Indian guy with bottle service. There was a cute little blonde with a smiley Asian guy, and a pale brunette with a tall alpha white guy. The Indian guy had been making out with the Indian girl for who knows how long. The Asian guy was slow with the kino but finally started to escalate. He slowly got to the point of having his arm around her and holding her hand. He later got a short make out by a pillar. On the other side of the pillar was the tall alpha looking guy. He had gotten in the set the latest. He danced with the brunette, got her up against the same pillar and made out with his girl in less than 5 minutes.
About ten minutes later, the girls announced they were going back to the hotel. Here comes the tale of 3 levels of persistence:
Alpha looking guy dropped out of the game the first. He just let his girl walk away. He didn't even number close. He didn't even try to even come outside with the girl.
The Asian dude grabbed the blonde's hand and told her he was going with her.
The Indian guy hesitated visibly but then went outside with his girl where he proceeded to make out with her again.
Fast forward a 4-5 block walk to the girl's hotel in the freezing cold. One or both of the guys had no jacket on top of that. One of the guys dealt with the third girl who even commented, "My guy got left at the club."
I'd add here "It was more like he took himself out of the game. He didn't even try to leave with girl. Maybe he was just happy to get a make out. Regardless, he screwed up."
The girls were talking about going up to the room, a room that the three of them shared. The Asian guy doesn't even come up with an excuse to come up to the room. He must have figured he was done there as the girl wasn't inviting him up and there was another girl to deal with.
The Indian guy, who is the champ in this story, is by the revolving door. He's not even there discussing things with the Asian guy and the two girls. He's making out with his girl. He leads her to the side of the lobby away from the group and probably made something happen.
The lesson in this story is be like the Indian guy. You persist to the very end. Definitely don't be like the guy who didn't even try to leave the club with the girl . I've been that guy far too many times and who knows how many pulls I missed from lack of even trying.
It sticks with me how that third girl had even commented that she wanted the guy to be there and not back in the club.
Obviously, I wasn't that guy or I wouldn't know the rest of the story. I wish I had been the champ but I let myself get lost by trying to deal with the two girls. Later, I thought of reasons I could have used to get up to the room but my mind was blank as I sat in the hotel lobby. The girl's had left over pizza and I could have asked for some. I could have had my girl sit down with me with the pretense of "looking out for the 3rd friend" while I had the extra girl go up to the room. I also should have just tried to get her to come to my place despite living 20 minutes away and having a "roommate" i.e. my mother in this 2 bedroom condo.
Part 3: Left at the hotel & Bad Logistics
I'm going to sound a bit frustrated and perhaps seem a little hard on myself in this section. I do realize the breakthrough and am mostly happy with myself. It's always frustrating to play things with the benefit of hindsight and realize that with just some minor tweaks, there's a decent chance this would be a lay report. I could be cuddling with that girl right now instead of writing this long ass field report.
If I had a damn wing, especially Nintendo:
If I had just grabbed Nintendo from that set, or if I had seen him walk by when the 3rd wheel girl was sitting bored at the booth, I think he and I could have pulled our two girls to his place using the taco and drinks move. The Indian guy would have pulled his girl to wherever.
Any of the wings would have worked here or at least had a chance to make things easier. There's always the chance that the two would be incompatible but this girl wanted to hook up, especially cause her two friends were making out with guys. I remember her commenting on the walk to the hotel, "My guy got left at the club."
Damn that chump! He had enough moves to dance and make out with her but not enough stones to push for the close.
Well, I have to admit, on far too many days, I would have been that guy. I have to give myself credit for how I pushed things along in this set and just acted with the assumption that she liked me and wanted to spend more time with me. This was from the beginning when she went to the bottle service booth. This includes when she got up from the table and I went for the number close and kiss.
This includes when she said, "We're going back to the hotel" and I grabbed her hand and said, "Okay, I'm coming with."
Lost my game plan:
When I'm in my comfort zone, part of my brain naturally plans some future move: like I was trying to find a wing because I anticipated a possible problem with the 3rd wheel, though she ended up not being the cockblock type. When she said she was leaving for the hotel, I didn't know what to do except that I at least had to try to stay with her. I'll mention that I tried the food extraction 2-3 times but she said they weren't hungry and she had been telling the truth. I found out they had eaten deep dish pizza and the 3rd wheel mentioned eating that when we got to the hotel.
Fuck, I just thought of another move I missed. I could have tried saying to my girl, "Why don't I come hang out for a second in the room, just to have a half a slice of pizza." 2j said that when I got to the hotel, I should have tried to find some reason to go into the room. I couldn't think of a reason and didn't know what to do.
The Indian guy had his girl really hooked which helped. My two were going up to the room. My said goodbye to me but she had lost buying temperature as she wouldn't kiss me there. The Indian guy, in contrast way far away from us, and as I was leaving ,I saw him drag his girl to another part of the lobby to continue making out and I suppose, to formulate a plan to get the lay.
Mistake #1: Take her to my place:
I mentioned this in Part 2. When I had her really hooked at the club, she was asking me where I lived. I thought at the time it was just standard rapport questions, but I realized, I think as I was walking in the cold back to the club that she was screening me for logistics. I realized this also because I remember right as we were about a block away from the club, she again had asked me if I had a place nearby.
This is the shit that happens when your game turns to shit. In real time, I couldn't see that she was asking me that because she wanted to go back to my place, but it's obvious now as I think back on the situation. I swear she asked me about my place when she confirmed that they were all sharing a room. She had told me that early on, but I thought maybe she was lying, but she confirmed it as we were leaving the club.
As I've mentioned, my mother is here but I could have pulled. During the first week, before my inner game got screwed up, I used to tell my mom that there was a chance I could bring a girl back. I told her not to start bitching at me like she sometimes does when I come back. She hasn't done that lately so I shouldn't have worried about it, but in my head, I didn't even consider pulling here to be a possibility.
The lesson here is that I need to keep that in the playbook. I could have told this girl, "I live near the airport, let's have a few drinks and hang out" or whatever BS. I'd say I had a greater than 50% chance of her complying with that had I made the suggestion.
I'll give you a ride:
I thought about my car, but when I realized this move, we were already 2-3 blocks from the club and walking in the wrong direction from my car. I should have asked where they were staying and just said I'd give my girl a ride regardless. In the car, I could have sold the taco place or just driven to my place. Nintendo again reiterated at the end of the night that he was more than willing to let me pull to his place.
Have a game plan for the hotel:
It's good to trust in your abilities but I had no idea of what I was gonna do in the hotel and didn't even run any actual plans through my head. Thus, I was unprepared for what I figured was gonna be the likely outcome when I got there. I guess I was hoping for a little help from the girl too which I should never do. I was hoping the hotel bar would be open or something.
In retrospect, I had two options. 2j said to get up to the room. I could have used the pizza slice line that I thought of a few minutes ago. I could have said I wanted to see what the rooms were like here and/or their view. The other move was what the Indian guy did. I should have told her to come sit down with me for a few minutes and then she could go up. Heck, I could have used the Indian guy as an excuse. "3rd wheel, why don't you just go up? She and I will sit her for a few minutes and talk and make sure that other girl is okay."
I can think of so many options now but I was lost when I was standing in that hotel.
I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT:
That's what I thought as I waited for Nintendo and 2j to meet me at this 7-11 near the club. I'm excited that I broke through the kino barrier in a big way and got a make out and almost pulled. On top of that, it was with a girl I found really attractive.
I've been talking about how if we went out Wednesday after Christmas until New Years Eve and really tried our hardest, we should be able to get a pull. I was started to doubt this possibility when I went out Saturday and when the night was going well. This set made me feel so confident.
I felt like, "Wow, I got this close and seemingly with ease. All I did was feel a little more confident, lead a little more, and assuming she wanted to spend more time with me, oh and I ACTUALLY FUCKING TOUCHED THE GIRL, and look what happened!"
If I got this close, then maybe I'll actually pull Sunday or Monday night. I like this goal as this motivation and goal is how I got my first ever SNL on New Years Eve just a few years ago. At the same time, I really will be happy if I give my best effort for the next two days regardless if I get laid or not.
I feel like POKPUA IS BACK!
If I had a damn wing, especially Nintendo:
If I had just grabbed Nintendo from that set, or if I had seen him walk by when the 3rd wheel girl was sitting bored at the booth, I think he and I could have pulled our two girls to his place using the taco and drinks move. The Indian guy would have pulled his girl to wherever.
Any of the wings would have worked here or at least had a chance to make things easier. There's always the chance that the two would be incompatible but this girl wanted to hook up, especially cause her two friends were making out with guys. I remember her commenting on the walk to the hotel, "My guy got left at the club."
Damn that chump! He had enough moves to dance and make out with her but not enough stones to push for the close.
Well, I have to admit, on far too many days, I would have been that guy. I have to give myself credit for how I pushed things along in this set and just acted with the assumption that she liked me and wanted to spend more time with me. This was from the beginning when she went to the bottle service booth. This includes when she got up from the table and I went for the number close and kiss.
This includes when she said, "We're going back to the hotel" and I grabbed her hand and said, "Okay, I'm coming with."
Lost my game plan:
When I'm in my comfort zone, part of my brain naturally plans some future move: like I was trying to find a wing because I anticipated a possible problem with the 3rd wheel, though she ended up not being the cockblock type. When she said she was leaving for the hotel, I didn't know what to do except that I at least had to try to stay with her. I'll mention that I tried the food extraction 2-3 times but she said they weren't hungry and she had been telling the truth. I found out they had eaten deep dish pizza and the 3rd wheel mentioned eating that when we got to the hotel.
Fuck, I just thought of another move I missed. I could have tried saying to my girl, "Why don't I come hang out for a second in the room, just to have a half a slice of pizza." 2j said that when I got to the hotel, I should have tried to find some reason to go into the room. I couldn't think of a reason and didn't know what to do.
The Indian guy had his girl really hooked which helped. My two were going up to the room. My said goodbye to me but she had lost buying temperature as she wouldn't kiss me there. The Indian guy, in contrast way far away from us, and as I was leaving ,I saw him drag his girl to another part of the lobby to continue making out and I suppose, to formulate a plan to get the lay.
Mistake #1: Take her to my place:
I mentioned this in Part 2. When I had her really hooked at the club, she was asking me where I lived. I thought at the time it was just standard rapport questions, but I realized, I think as I was walking in the cold back to the club that she was screening me for logistics. I realized this also because I remember right as we were about a block away from the club, she again had asked me if I had a place nearby.
This is the shit that happens when your game turns to shit. In real time, I couldn't see that she was asking me that because she wanted to go back to my place, but it's obvious now as I think back on the situation. I swear she asked me about my place when she confirmed that they were all sharing a room. She had told me that early on, but I thought maybe she was lying, but she confirmed it as we were leaving the club.
As I've mentioned, my mother is here but I could have pulled. During the first week, before my inner game got screwed up, I used to tell my mom that there was a chance I could bring a girl back. I told her not to start bitching at me like she sometimes does when I come back. She hasn't done that lately so I shouldn't have worried about it, but in my head, I didn't even consider pulling here to be a possibility.
The lesson here is that I need to keep that in the playbook. I could have told this girl, "I live near the airport, let's have a few drinks and hang out" or whatever BS. I'd say I had a greater than 50% chance of her complying with that had I made the suggestion.
I'll give you a ride:
I thought about my car, but when I realized this move, we were already 2-3 blocks from the club and walking in the wrong direction from my car. I should have asked where they were staying and just said I'd give my girl a ride regardless. In the car, I could have sold the taco place or just driven to my place. Nintendo again reiterated at the end of the night that he was more than willing to let me pull to his place.
Have a game plan for the hotel:
It's good to trust in your abilities but I had no idea of what I was gonna do in the hotel and didn't even run any actual plans through my head. Thus, I was unprepared for what I figured was gonna be the likely outcome when I got there. I guess I was hoping for a little help from the girl too which I should never do. I was hoping the hotel bar would be open or something.
In retrospect, I had two options. 2j said to get up to the room. I could have used the pizza slice line that I thought of a few minutes ago. I could have said I wanted to see what the rooms were like here and/or their view. The other move was what the Indian guy did. I should have told her to come sit down with me for a few minutes and then she could go up. Heck, I could have used the Indian guy as an excuse. "3rd wheel, why don't you just go up? She and I will sit her for a few minutes and talk and make sure that other girl is okay."
I can think of so many options now but I was lost when I was standing in that hotel.
I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT:
That's what I thought as I waited for Nintendo and 2j to meet me at this 7-11 near the club. I'm excited that I broke through the kino barrier in a big way and got a make out and almost pulled. On top of that, it was with a girl I found really attractive.
I've been talking about how if we went out Wednesday after Christmas until New Years Eve and really tried our hardest, we should be able to get a pull. I was started to doubt this possibility when I went out Saturday and when the night was going well. This set made me feel so confident.
I felt like, "Wow, I got this close and seemingly with ease. All I did was feel a little more confident, lead a little more, and assuming she wanted to spend more time with me, oh and I ACTUALLY FUCKING TOUCHED THE GIRL, and look what happened!"
If I got this close, then maybe I'll actually pull Sunday or Monday night. I like this goal as this motivation and goal is how I got my first ever SNL on New Years Eve just a few years ago. At the same time, I really will be happy if I give my best effort for the next two days regardless if I get laid or not.
I feel like POKPUA IS BACK!
Part 2: Payoff: Make out
I smile right now as realize my surprise that I was able to learn the lesson I kept trying to reinforce for JamesAnderson. We left the other venue and got to Social. I mention this place as I wrote on Friday that I waited in line for a long time in the cold with no coat. We had to wait in line again and I told my wing, and I meant it, "I'm swearing something now, and you're not gonna like it, but I'm serious. This is this place's last chance. If I stand out here for a second day in the cold and then don't get in, I'm not coming to this fucking place again. This is despite this being the last place I actually got a pull from."
I joked the venue sensed it was on it's last chance as I got in. I was in a great state at the beginning. I was dancing around like crazy and opening girls, including this girl I ran into by accident. I approached this tall cutie and started dancing with her downstairs. She was with her boyfriend who introduced me. He was cool and said I could dance with her. That would be fun but I know I'm here also to run game and get girls and being her dance partner for the night wasn't gonna cut it. I'll give the guy credit. He was one of the rare guys who is both secure about his relationship with his girl and was cool when I talked to him. You usually get guys who try to overcompensate by trying to tool you, or trying to make it clear that it's their girl, or who try to act too cool to talk to yo. This guy was a class act.
I started to lose state as the place started to fill and I wasn't getting anywhere. I went through periods of not opening, and then periods where I opened but didn't get anywhere. Some of my other wings showed up but I tried not to stay by them because I don't like the "chode crystal." That's a community term for a bunch of pickup guys just standing around each other. While I like having a wing available to help me, I also like to make myself go off on my own and do my own stuff. It helps me remember how to be able to approach when solo or when my wing is in a set and I'm stuck by myself.
I'm really not gonna make this happen tonight:
I remember being in one of those wandering moments. I was moving my way through the crowd. I felt like I had opened almost all the sets. I thought about how JamesAnderson had gotten his lesson reinforced. I thought about how I had some amazing nights come out of nowhere. I then looked around and said, "Wow, this is not gonna happen." I'll have done all this approaching and again, "Nothing."
I think what also bothered me was that my set prior to this moment was this short black girl. I had her giggling from the start but I knew my kino had been poor. I had vowed to work on kino and I had done a poor job of doing any kino escalation again tonight.
I write about this state because it reminds me of what I was trying to tell JamesAnderson. Also, for anyone who happens to read these walls of text, it's a lesson that the night don't just involve constant fun. I'll admit that unless I'm filled with inner game issues like I was these past few months, or unless I just was fighting with my mother, I have fewer state crashes that the guys I hang out with. Most of the time, I won't allow myself to stay miserable. I'll force myself to action. What helped me get this way is all the experience I have going out, and Jeffy saying one time that even instructors get state crashes. The difference for instructors is that they've learned how to get out of it as quickly as possible and I can say that prior brutal nights have gotten me to this point as well.
You didn't see me because I was in a bottle service booth:
I told Nintendo and 2j that had I seen one of them at the right moment, I had a good chance of hooking them up with the third girl in this 3-set I got into at the end of the night. I remember seeing this short blonde walking near me. I stopped her, grabbed her, pulled her into me, all while maintaining strong eye contact. I don't even know if I introduced myself, busted her out for not having fun, or used my nonsense about the fiscal cliff that I've been opening with the past few days. The words don't really matter as it was the body language and that I actually believed in myself when I opened her that made the difference.
This sounds like bullshit to someone who doesn't go out, but there is a big difference between when I stopped the girl and feel myself holding back and not believing she's gonna stop, or when I fully commit myself and believe she's going to stop. Obviously, there's not a 100% correlation. Girl might stop when I half ass it, and girls can blow right by me when I have everything down. I remember in late summer Nintendo or JamesAnderson pointed out that I was stopping sets in the streets, and my body language looked weird because I was half pulling back. I told them, "Wow, you know, I feel like I'm not really committed and I don't believe she's gonna stop." I realized those thoughts appeared in my body language.
We talked for a bit and the set seemed on just from the eye contact, her giggling about the random stuff I was saying, and her asking a few rapport seeking questions. She said he had to go by her friend. This is where I would have lost the set one a night where I'm doubting myself. I could see myself just leaving: thinking either I was busted out or hesitating to go sit in the bottle service booth. This time, I did what you're supposed to do: I assumed that she wanted me to come sit with her and acted accordingly. Her friend was this Indian girl that was making out with some guy. The girl started talking to the 3rd friend. I introduced myself to the guy. I figured out later that it was his bottle service and his half bottle of Patron that I noticed later sitting on the table.
Time for Kino:
I wrote earlier that I was disappointed in myself for another night of lack of kino. On the ride home, I was thinking about how I do have a lot of elements right in my game but when I haven't been kinoing, I've been creating an almost insurmountable barrier for myself. I thought about how some of the tall girls I opened throughout the night responded favorable and how things might have worked out if I had done proper kino escalation.
Actually, screw "proper" kino escalation. I remember thinking as I was walking back from the hotel later, "At time my kino was sloppy, but even shitty kino is better than no kino."
I just remember sitting at the booth and telling myself that I was going to try to do things properly this set. I think another thing that helped me is that this girl was the type I like. Sure, I like tall girls in general, but blondes always turn me on as well, and so do pale girls. This girl was a thin, short, blonde with a pretty face and pale skin. She was one of my physical types that I really liked.
I found reasons to put my arm around here. I know some many moments when it's good to do it, but when I'm in a bad state, I'll see them and not do it. I'd justify it at the time in some weird way by saying, "That's newbie shit. I don't have to kino on a high point, or because I'm making a point to the friend that we're gonna be great together, or whatever." I somehow ended up holding her hand at the table. I don't even remember how I transitioned to that. I think I grabbed her hand at one point and she seemed comfortable with holding my hand so I just left it there.
3rd wheel:
At this point, I had already been thinking ahead. I found out the girls were from out of town. The Indian girl was occupied and I had my girl, but the other girl was just sitting there. She wasn't cockblocking but I knew that things would go smoother if I got a wing to occupy her. The thing was, that despite there being 4 wings in the venue, none were around me. Nintendo was visible at one point and I accomplisment intro'd him from a far to the friend; however, he was dancing with some girl at the time, and then later, I couldn't see him.
This is where the quote above comes in. Nintendo told me later that he remembers looking all over for me and not finding me. Part of that might have been when I actually left the club, but also, "You didn't look in the bottle service because you wouldn't have expected me to be there." I know that I never looked in the bottle service, and one time AndyDufresne surprised me by tapping my shoulder from the bottle service section in this very clb.
My girl said they were all leaving soon at one point and got up from the table. I followed her and had her by this pillar. I was trying to figure out logistics and here was mistake #1 for me which I'll elaborate on later. She asked me where I lived, and I didn't even consider pulling her to my place because of my mom being here, but this was an option and I'll have that in mind in the future. I was trying for a number close because she said they were gonna be in town until New Years.
After I had gotten the number, I saw that some random guy had opened the 3rd wheel friend. I noticed this because he was dancing with her and the girl bumped into me as he was moving her towards the pillar. We had our girls next to each other at this pillar. I made good move that I also think created attraction because it was dominant. I grabbed her and move her so she was on the opposite side of the pillar. I didn't want the girls watching each other and then not wanting to kiss because of that.
I'm pretty sure the guy started kissing his girl. I was right in my girls face. We still had strong eye contact. I went in for the kiss. I can't believe it's been months since I actually went for a kiss. Wow, my game has really been fucked up for me not even remembering my last attempt to kiss close. I remember she turned slightly so I kissed her cheek.
I was back to my summer self as I didn't even react to the rejection. I used to get deflated and I'd have to fake not caring that she rejected the kiss move. This time, I really was completely unfazed when she rejected it. I just kept looking into her eyes and started talking about something else. About twenty seconds later, I went in for the kiss again because it felt right and she went for it. I pulled back, and she kissed me again.
This is where I'm lacking recent experience and calibration. I probably should have build up more buying temp by making the make out longer, but my default move is just to pull back. I think it's because I remember several sets where I got too into the make out and over escalated and ruin the pull by defusing the sexual tension too much.
I joked the venue sensed it was on it's last chance as I got in. I was in a great state at the beginning. I was dancing around like crazy and opening girls, including this girl I ran into by accident. I approached this tall cutie and started dancing with her downstairs. She was with her boyfriend who introduced me. He was cool and said I could dance with her. That would be fun but I know I'm here also to run game and get girls and being her dance partner for the night wasn't gonna cut it. I'll give the guy credit. He was one of the rare guys who is both secure about his relationship with his girl and was cool when I talked to him. You usually get guys who try to overcompensate by trying to tool you, or trying to make it clear that it's their girl, or who try to act too cool to talk to yo. This guy was a class act.
I started to lose state as the place started to fill and I wasn't getting anywhere. I went through periods of not opening, and then periods where I opened but didn't get anywhere. Some of my other wings showed up but I tried not to stay by them because I don't like the "chode crystal." That's a community term for a bunch of pickup guys just standing around each other. While I like having a wing available to help me, I also like to make myself go off on my own and do my own stuff. It helps me remember how to be able to approach when solo or when my wing is in a set and I'm stuck by myself.
I'm really not gonna make this happen tonight:
I remember being in one of those wandering moments. I was moving my way through the crowd. I felt like I had opened almost all the sets. I thought about how JamesAnderson had gotten his lesson reinforced. I thought about how I had some amazing nights come out of nowhere. I then looked around and said, "Wow, this is not gonna happen." I'll have done all this approaching and again, "Nothing."
I think what also bothered me was that my set prior to this moment was this short black girl. I had her giggling from the start but I knew my kino had been poor. I had vowed to work on kino and I had done a poor job of doing any kino escalation again tonight.
I write about this state because it reminds me of what I was trying to tell JamesAnderson. Also, for anyone who happens to read these walls of text, it's a lesson that the night don't just involve constant fun. I'll admit that unless I'm filled with inner game issues like I was these past few months, or unless I just was fighting with my mother, I have fewer state crashes that the guys I hang out with. Most of the time, I won't allow myself to stay miserable. I'll force myself to action. What helped me get this way is all the experience I have going out, and Jeffy saying one time that even instructors get state crashes. The difference for instructors is that they've learned how to get out of it as quickly as possible and I can say that prior brutal nights have gotten me to this point as well.
You didn't see me because I was in a bottle service booth:
I told Nintendo and 2j that had I seen one of them at the right moment, I had a good chance of hooking them up with the third girl in this 3-set I got into at the end of the night. I remember seeing this short blonde walking near me. I stopped her, grabbed her, pulled her into me, all while maintaining strong eye contact. I don't even know if I introduced myself, busted her out for not having fun, or used my nonsense about the fiscal cliff that I've been opening with the past few days. The words don't really matter as it was the body language and that I actually believed in myself when I opened her that made the difference.
This sounds like bullshit to someone who doesn't go out, but there is a big difference between when I stopped the girl and feel myself holding back and not believing she's gonna stop, or when I fully commit myself and believe she's going to stop. Obviously, there's not a 100% correlation. Girl might stop when I half ass it, and girls can blow right by me when I have everything down. I remember in late summer Nintendo or JamesAnderson pointed out that I was stopping sets in the streets, and my body language looked weird because I was half pulling back. I told them, "Wow, you know, I feel like I'm not really committed and I don't believe she's gonna stop." I realized those thoughts appeared in my body language.
We talked for a bit and the set seemed on just from the eye contact, her giggling about the random stuff I was saying, and her asking a few rapport seeking questions. She said he had to go by her friend. This is where I would have lost the set one a night where I'm doubting myself. I could see myself just leaving: thinking either I was busted out or hesitating to go sit in the bottle service booth. This time, I did what you're supposed to do: I assumed that she wanted me to come sit with her and acted accordingly. Her friend was this Indian girl that was making out with some guy. The girl started talking to the 3rd friend. I introduced myself to the guy. I figured out later that it was his bottle service and his half bottle of Patron that I noticed later sitting on the table.
Time for Kino:
I wrote earlier that I was disappointed in myself for another night of lack of kino. On the ride home, I was thinking about how I do have a lot of elements right in my game but when I haven't been kinoing, I've been creating an almost insurmountable barrier for myself. I thought about how some of the tall girls I opened throughout the night responded favorable and how things might have worked out if I had done proper kino escalation.
Actually, screw "proper" kino escalation. I remember thinking as I was walking back from the hotel later, "At time my kino was sloppy, but even shitty kino is better than no kino."
I just remember sitting at the booth and telling myself that I was going to try to do things properly this set. I think another thing that helped me is that this girl was the type I like. Sure, I like tall girls in general, but blondes always turn me on as well, and so do pale girls. This girl was a thin, short, blonde with a pretty face and pale skin. She was one of my physical types that I really liked.
I found reasons to put my arm around here. I know some many moments when it's good to do it, but when I'm in a bad state, I'll see them and not do it. I'd justify it at the time in some weird way by saying, "That's newbie shit. I don't have to kino on a high point, or because I'm making a point to the friend that we're gonna be great together, or whatever." I somehow ended up holding her hand at the table. I don't even remember how I transitioned to that. I think I grabbed her hand at one point and she seemed comfortable with holding my hand so I just left it there.
3rd wheel:
At this point, I had already been thinking ahead. I found out the girls were from out of town. The Indian girl was occupied and I had my girl, but the other girl was just sitting there. She wasn't cockblocking but I knew that things would go smoother if I got a wing to occupy her. The thing was, that despite there being 4 wings in the venue, none were around me. Nintendo was visible at one point and I accomplisment intro'd him from a far to the friend; however, he was dancing with some girl at the time, and then later, I couldn't see him.
This is where the quote above comes in. Nintendo told me later that he remembers looking all over for me and not finding me. Part of that might have been when I actually left the club, but also, "You didn't look in the bottle service because you wouldn't have expected me to be there." I know that I never looked in the bottle service, and one time AndyDufresne surprised me by tapping my shoulder from the bottle service section in this very clb.
My girl said they were all leaving soon at one point and got up from the table. I followed her and had her by this pillar. I was trying to figure out logistics and here was mistake #1 for me which I'll elaborate on later. She asked me where I lived, and I didn't even consider pulling her to my place because of my mom being here, but this was an option and I'll have that in mind in the future. I was trying for a number close because she said they were gonna be in town until New Years.
After I had gotten the number, I saw that some random guy had opened the 3rd wheel friend. I noticed this because he was dancing with her and the girl bumped into me as he was moving her towards the pillar. We had our girls next to each other at this pillar. I made good move that I also think created attraction because it was dominant. I grabbed her and move her so she was on the opposite side of the pillar. I didn't want the girls watching each other and then not wanting to kiss because of that.
I'm pretty sure the guy started kissing his girl. I was right in my girls face. We still had strong eye contact. I went in for the kiss. I can't believe it's been months since I actually went for a kiss. Wow, my game has really been fucked up for me not even remembering my last attempt to kiss close. I remember she turned slightly so I kissed her cheek.
I was back to my summer self as I didn't even react to the rejection. I used to get deflated and I'd have to fake not caring that she rejected the kiss move. This time, I really was completely unfazed when she rejected it. I just kept looking into her eyes and started talking about something else. About twenty seconds later, I went in for the kiss again because it felt right and she went for it. I pulled back, and she kissed me again.
This is where I'm lacking recent experience and calibration. I probably should have build up more buying temp by making the make out longer, but my default move is just to pull back. I think it's because I remember several sets where I got too into the make out and over escalated and ruin the pull by defusing the sexual tension too much.
Part 1: Hard venues, frustrations and perseverance:
As I sit here thinking about the night, I simultaneously feel ecstatic and frustrated. I'm happy because I've made huge strides in my game since that Thursday report where I felt down from not putting in a good effort in my night. Both Friday and Saturday, I accomplished what I set out to do: both nights were basically getting back parts of my game that I figured out this summer but that disappeared during the last three months. I feel like I've done a speed course in pickup and am almost back to where I left off at the end of summer.
Hard Venues:
My plan was to start off at this late night venue using this promotion company but we got rejected as I had feared. The bouncer claimed they were sold out. We went to the early club where that promotion company promoted and got in. It was slow and JamesAnderson was having a hard time keeping still when it was slow and then we both had a difficult time getting started when the place started to get packed. I surprised myself by being attracted to this little Indian girl that I met while winging in a set. After that, we had a hard time working the sets. My wing kept saying he wanted to go because "there were no more sets." I said I wanted to go but I told him we were making excuses and I wanted us to admit that. There were sets, but the hot girls were all bunched up in the middle and dancing.
I regret not trying to open up this really hot 3 set of tall girls. The only chumps who were brave enough to open offered the girls drink from their bottle service. I laughed when the girls drank the drinks and then 15 minutes later walked away. I opened one with my "blocking the phone" opener but then lost my nerve and didn't plow through with an actual verbal opener.
I did have a different tall brunette hooked earlier, at least initially. I stopped her and she gave me strong eye contact and was attentive to what I was saying. I was almost surprised by this because I expect to get blown off. (Yes, we should never try to play a movie in our heads of how the interaction is going to go, but I often do despite knowing better). I got blown out by this really short girl. I thought of Ozzie in Transformations. He says something like, "It's usually the midget girl or the big one that I can't get my arms around that is the leader of the set." The short one started trying to bust me out . I ignored here for her first few lines. Then I tried to talk to her, but then she grabbed my tall brunette and dragged her off. At least, that should further help me with tall girls. More positive references, no matter how small, help.
Bad state:
My wing really was off after that hard venue. We tried to meet our other wings in our usual stomping grounds, but the lines were too long so we went to this other nearby club. I could see that my wing was in his head. He told me a various points, "I'm having a bad night. I think I'm getting sick." I told him, "I can tell your in your head, but you gotta keep trying. You never know what can happen and you'll also learn to build that muscle Tyler talks about: the ability to persist during rough nights."
I was in a good state and I was opening. My game was a little off. I still wasn't escalating but I also wasn't feeling in massive state either. My wing pushed through and then later I found myself standing alone as he hooked this Asian girl. He got a make out and said the girl had been grabbing his cock, but the big friend circle cockblocked him. He got frustrated and I advised him, "Yeah, that sucks. You can't let it affect you because that's standard." He learned the valuable lesson. Now he had reference point of having an awesome experience after having mostly a shitty night. I told him, "See, a lot of guys would have went home and just accepted the shitty night. You pushed through and got to learn the lesson probably that you do never know what's gonna happen."
It was time for me to learn that lesson as well. While he was in that set, I found myself losing state as I felt I had worn out the club. I was dancing by myself so at least I didn't look miserable unlike a lot of people in every venue who looks bored. I positioned myself so girls would pass by me. I passed on opening too many girls before finally opening this Middle Eastern looking girl who was standing by me.
Hard Venues:
My plan was to start off at this late night venue using this promotion company but we got rejected as I had feared. The bouncer claimed they were sold out. We went to the early club where that promotion company promoted and got in. It was slow and JamesAnderson was having a hard time keeping still when it was slow and then we both had a difficult time getting started when the place started to get packed. I surprised myself by being attracted to this little Indian girl that I met while winging in a set. After that, we had a hard time working the sets. My wing kept saying he wanted to go because "there were no more sets." I said I wanted to go but I told him we were making excuses and I wanted us to admit that. There were sets, but the hot girls were all bunched up in the middle and dancing.
I regret not trying to open up this really hot 3 set of tall girls. The only chumps who were brave enough to open offered the girls drink from their bottle service. I laughed when the girls drank the drinks and then 15 minutes later walked away. I opened one with my "blocking the phone" opener but then lost my nerve and didn't plow through with an actual verbal opener.
I did have a different tall brunette hooked earlier, at least initially. I stopped her and she gave me strong eye contact and was attentive to what I was saying. I was almost surprised by this because I expect to get blown off. (Yes, we should never try to play a movie in our heads of how the interaction is going to go, but I often do despite knowing better). I got blown out by this really short girl. I thought of Ozzie in Transformations. He says something like, "It's usually the midget girl or the big one that I can't get my arms around that is the leader of the set." The short one started trying to bust me out . I ignored here for her first few lines. Then I tried to talk to her, but then she grabbed my tall brunette and dragged her off. At least, that should further help me with tall girls. More positive references, no matter how small, help.
Bad state:
My wing really was off after that hard venue. We tried to meet our other wings in our usual stomping grounds, but the lines were too long so we went to this other nearby club. I could see that my wing was in his head. He told me a various points, "I'm having a bad night. I think I'm getting sick." I told him, "I can tell your in your head, but you gotta keep trying. You never know what can happen and you'll also learn to build that muscle Tyler talks about: the ability to persist during rough nights."
I was in a good state and I was opening. My game was a little off. I still wasn't escalating but I also wasn't feeling in massive state either. My wing pushed through and then later I found myself standing alone as he hooked this Asian girl. He got a make out and said the girl had been grabbing his cock, but the big friend circle cockblocked him. He got frustrated and I advised him, "Yeah, that sucks. You can't let it affect you because that's standard." He learned the valuable lesson. Now he had reference point of having an awesome experience after having mostly a shitty night. I told him, "See, a lot of guys would have went home and just accepted the shitty night. You pushed through and got to learn the lesson probably that you do never know what's gonna happen."
It was time for me to learn that lesson as well. While he was in that set, I found myself losing state as I felt I had worn out the club. I was dancing by myself so at least I didn't look miserable unlike a lot of people in every venue who looks bored. I positioned myself so girls would pass by me. I passed on opening too many girls before finally opening this Middle Eastern looking girl who was standing by me.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Talking too fast & Reminiscing about the Pride Parade
JamesAnderson gave me some feedback and 2j did as well last night. The first was that I need to escalate. I told them both that I'm well aware of that problem. It makes it even more frustrating because I know what to do and even notice my window closing but I'm just having a hard time executing, or "walking the path" as Morpheus says in The Matrix. The other minor issue was that JamesAnderson reminded me of something he mentioned in the summer. He says I should work on my tonality and that I talk too fast. I blew that off in the summer time but I realized it's something that I can work on easily and I replied with Ironman's line from Avengers "You're not wrong."
The reason I blew off the advice is that it wasn't hurting my game back then. Yes, it's a mistake, but when I had everything else dialed in, it didn't matter. I was hooking sets all over the place and at one point getting kiss closes quite frequently. When you do a lot of stuff right, girls will overlook mistakes. You can overcome dressing badly, which my wings kept pointing out in late summer as my clothes were all too big as I had lost a lot of fat and had still been wearing my large sized clothes. Considering my struggles lately, I need to try to get everything right . Why handicap myself by not fixing stuff, especially when I've been struggling.
This talking too fast was an point I learned long ago from Tyler's "21 points" articles from the old mASF archives. He said often guys talk too fast because they are afraid of losing the girl so they talk fast, and it's a way of qualifying yourself. You need to talk slow, loud, and deliberate. You speak in a commanding voice and can speak slowly because you're used to people listening to what you have to say. That's how it comes across when you do it properly and of course that creates attraction. Maybe part of why I talk too fast is that I'm trying to qualifying myself in the way he describes. I also think it's because I have so many thoughts running through my head that I end up just spewing it out sometimes as fast as it's rolling through my head.
In any case, I'm gonna work on slowing it down . I can fix this easily and at least some more good can come out of this slump I've been in. Had I continued to be on the roll I had been, I never would have taken the time to fix this problem. Also, it's good that I'm creative and that I have so much to say. I can still use all that but it will come across so much better if I talk slowly and deliberately. I can also use the experiences of giving speeches in college and high school to work on making I'm saying more dramatic. I know how to put in pauses at certain moments, or emphasize certain words to make a point. When I spew out words as fast as possible, I don't get to use any of those skills so that's another reason to talk slowly.
Escalation problems, WTF?
As I was doing my run today, it hit me. I've been pondering my escalation problem all night. My last post included my insights on my claw and my unwillingness to utilize it properly. The other big thought was when I thought about JamesAnderson asking me how many make outs I've had. He'd been keeping count and I remember doing so in the past. After a certain point, you realize that getting kisses and make outs can be easy but usually doesn't equal solid or actually being able to pull the girl. I remembered the Pride parade. Somehow I had blocked that experience from my memory. As I thought about I remember, wow, how the fuck am I struggling with escalating with girls that are giving me IOI's when I should remember that day?! I was practicing a Jeffy drill and I was shocked at how we just opened girls and you could just start making out with them within seconds if you did it right and felt inside that it was going to work. Thinking back, I smile at how I made that first attempt when we first got there and was caught of guard when the first girl I tried it with went for it.
I just have to keep thinking about the times I was out this summer and kiss closing was easy. The other obvious part was I did way more kino then and that just makes it easier to get the IOI's. You don't need explicit IOI's to get a kiss, but even when my game is off, I'm at least calibrated enough to recognize when the girl obviously wants to be kissed. If I'm not completely out of it, I can see myself taking that window.
The problem, of course, and I keep mentioning it is that you're not gonna get signs very often when you're standing a foot away form the girl.
Thinking back on Friday night, that should make the tall blonde and even bigger reference point. It's funny that I can doubt myself when I have moments like that one. I could come up with a bunch of dumb reasons of why that girl shouldn't like me and they seem perfectly valid when I'm in a bad state. She an attractive, tall blonde and I'm short. I had gotten blown out several times already that night. Those are the usual BS reasons. On top of that, add on legitimate mistakes in game. Okay, I was holding strong eye contact which was responsible for the attraction and I was saying at least semi-interesting stuff that even made her giggle a few times. Tyler would say that I was in the moment and speaking without filtering myself. What was bad is that even with her, I was a foot away from her and not touching her at all. Again, that's what busted me out.
Now, here's the thought I had while typing this. I think this will stick tonight. If I actually work on actually kinoing the girls like I'm supposed to, even if it involves doing some newbie drills like the claw, then given that I'm getting attraction doing a lot of shit wrong, I will likely get better results that I have been getting lately. Being close to the girl, holding her hand, and all that stuff turns her on but as I remember Jeffy emphasizing in his video, it also turns me on.
It's a feedback loop. I give strong eye contact and kino. The girl gets more attracted. I might get some IOI"s. My proximity to the girl turns me on and makes me want to escalate more and even if I'm chicken, I have a chance of noticing IOI's due to my calibration from doing this for so long. Seeing IOI's makes me want to escalate or feel dumb that I haven't been escalate.
I've know I have to escalate, but after writing this post, I refreshed my memories of positive kiss close experiences. Additionally, I realized that logically it just makes sense to kino escalate even if I have to use stuff I had to do as a newbie because it will get things moving towards the pull. I can go back to my mantra from the summer, "Believe, Hold Strong Eye Contact, Escalate, and Lead."
The reason I blew off the advice is that it wasn't hurting my game back then. Yes, it's a mistake, but when I had everything else dialed in, it didn't matter. I was hooking sets all over the place and at one point getting kiss closes quite frequently. When you do a lot of stuff right, girls will overlook mistakes. You can overcome dressing badly, which my wings kept pointing out in late summer as my clothes were all too big as I had lost a lot of fat and had still been wearing my large sized clothes. Considering my struggles lately, I need to try to get everything right . Why handicap myself by not fixing stuff, especially when I've been struggling.
This talking too fast was an point I learned long ago from Tyler's "21 points" articles from the old mASF archives. He said often guys talk too fast because they are afraid of losing the girl so they talk fast, and it's a way of qualifying yourself. You need to talk slow, loud, and deliberate. You speak in a commanding voice and can speak slowly because you're used to people listening to what you have to say. That's how it comes across when you do it properly and of course that creates attraction. Maybe part of why I talk too fast is that I'm trying to qualifying myself in the way he describes. I also think it's because I have so many thoughts running through my head that I end up just spewing it out sometimes as fast as it's rolling through my head.
In any case, I'm gonna work on slowing it down . I can fix this easily and at least some more good can come out of this slump I've been in. Had I continued to be on the roll I had been, I never would have taken the time to fix this problem. Also, it's good that I'm creative and that I have so much to say. I can still use all that but it will come across so much better if I talk slowly and deliberately. I can also use the experiences of giving speeches in college and high school to work on making I'm saying more dramatic. I know how to put in pauses at certain moments, or emphasize certain words to make a point. When I spew out words as fast as possible, I don't get to use any of those skills so that's another reason to talk slowly.
Escalation problems, WTF?
As I was doing my run today, it hit me. I've been pondering my escalation problem all night. My last post included my insights on my claw and my unwillingness to utilize it properly. The other big thought was when I thought about JamesAnderson asking me how many make outs I've had. He'd been keeping count and I remember doing so in the past. After a certain point, you realize that getting kisses and make outs can be easy but usually doesn't equal solid or actually being able to pull the girl. I remembered the Pride parade. Somehow I had blocked that experience from my memory. As I thought about I remember, wow, how the fuck am I struggling with escalating with girls that are giving me IOI's when I should remember that day?! I was practicing a Jeffy drill and I was shocked at how we just opened girls and you could just start making out with them within seconds if you did it right and felt inside that it was going to work. Thinking back, I smile at how I made that first attempt when we first got there and was caught of guard when the first girl I tried it with went for it.
I just have to keep thinking about the times I was out this summer and kiss closing was easy. The other obvious part was I did way more kino then and that just makes it easier to get the IOI's. You don't need explicit IOI's to get a kiss, but even when my game is off, I'm at least calibrated enough to recognize when the girl obviously wants to be kissed. If I'm not completely out of it, I can see myself taking that window.
The problem, of course, and I keep mentioning it is that you're not gonna get signs very often when you're standing a foot away form the girl.
Thinking back on Friday night, that should make the tall blonde and even bigger reference point. It's funny that I can doubt myself when I have moments like that one. I could come up with a bunch of dumb reasons of why that girl shouldn't like me and they seem perfectly valid when I'm in a bad state. She an attractive, tall blonde and I'm short. I had gotten blown out several times already that night. Those are the usual BS reasons. On top of that, add on legitimate mistakes in game. Okay, I was holding strong eye contact which was responsible for the attraction and I was saying at least semi-interesting stuff that even made her giggle a few times. Tyler would say that I was in the moment and speaking without filtering myself. What was bad is that even with her, I was a foot away from her and not touching her at all. Again, that's what busted me out.
Now, here's the thought I had while typing this. I think this will stick tonight. If I actually work on actually kinoing the girls like I'm supposed to, even if it involves doing some newbie drills like the claw, then given that I'm getting attraction doing a lot of shit wrong, I will likely get better results that I have been getting lately. Being close to the girl, holding her hand, and all that stuff turns her on but as I remember Jeffy emphasizing in his video, it also turns me on.
It's a feedback loop. I give strong eye contact and kino. The girl gets more attracted. I might get some IOI"s. My proximity to the girl turns me on and makes me want to escalate more and even if I'm chicken, I have a chance of noticing IOI's due to my calibration from doing this for so long. Seeing IOI's makes me want to escalate or feel dumb that I haven't been escalate.
I've know I have to escalate, but after writing this post, I refreshed my memories of positive kiss close experiences. Additionally, I realized that logically it just makes sense to kino escalate even if I have to use stuff I had to do as a newbie because it will get things moving towards the pull. I can go back to my mantra from the summer, "Believe, Hold Strong Eye Contact, Escalate, and Lead."
Winning a battle against the inner ego demon
If I could feel the way I do right now when I go out Saturday night, I'd probably do very well. There's a decent chance I'll wake up feeling all tired and beat up but I'll push through it. I just finished a 9 mile run which is the longest I've run in a few months and I ran it faster that I've run the distance in a long time. It feels great to be on this diet break and actually be able to allow myself to run fast and not have to hold back to make sure I don't overdo things. Oh, and my sex drive is back which will help my sarging. Dieting too hard really killed it which had some benefits but does hurt your desire to actually get somewhere with the girls there.
I titled this post as I kept thinking on the drive home about this struggle with that inner demon in terms of a RPG analogy. This beast has the regeneration of a troll and might even have some phoenix blood inside it. I thought I had it slain when I was on a roll at the end of summer and of course it reared it's ugly head and has been with me ever since. I did learn from my Thursday evening pain. I was forcing myself to make approaches early. I stuck in some sets longer than I normally would have and even went back into some sets that I might have chickened out of returning to on most days. That lead to one particularly rough landing that hurt but I broke through that pain and continued my evening unscathed.
I can't say I was perfect. There were tougher approaches I could have made and some moments when I should have stuck in longer but my goal wasn't to give an evening where I did my 100% best. That's hard to do. Even NFL quarterbacks can't do that every game; yes even Tom Brady who I love to mention. I gave it my best shot and on another day I could have done better, but I sure feel good about it now. I didn't want to feel that pain of inaction through ego protection that I felt from Thursday.
Two mistakes in Two good Sets:
Two chances will a tall blonde:
The first was this tall blonde. I opened her and I couldn't believe how she was giving me the anime eyes and just locking eye contact with me. Out of all the girls I opened this evening, this might have been the one I had really hooked off the bat. My wing, who I call my cousin (the Asian guy who I've mentioned before and apparently goes by the name "JamesAnderson" on the forums) came into try to save me from this cockblock friend. My girl liked me enough to stay when friend tried to pull her away to the bar. Then, my calibration began to show me what 2j reported when I got busted out soon afterward. I had her hooked but I didn't escalate so I lost attraction. I'll give myself some credit that when I began to see this, I tried moving her to the dance floor but I wasn't alpha enough about that. Another mistake was that there was this guy in the set and I should have figured out his relation so I know how to handle him. I don't think it was some random guy but a guy in the friend circle or possibly a boyfriend.
I should title this section "Three Mistakes" as about a half hour later I made another mistake. I was waiting for JamesAnderson to come out of the bathroom when I spotted the blonde walking across the dance floor area from the women's bathroom. We made eye contact. I smiled and waved and she waved back. Thinking back, and I heck, I realized this just after I got the wave and she kept walking, I should have motioned for her to come over and just held eye contact. She might have complied if I did it right. Even if she kept walking, I then walk over and said something like, "Haha dork, don't be afraid of the dance floor" and then stopped her and pulled her in.
Still, I might have avoided approaching this girl on a day when the inner demon of ego protection was winning. I also wouldn't have hooked her in the state I was in Thursday. I should at least take this as a sticking point as proof of the belief I'm supposed to have: that I am enough for these hot girls and I deserve these type of girls. Entitlement.
2-set Freezing in Line:
I was ready to call it a night when we got stuck waiting in this long line for Social. What turned happening was what I feared and figured was gonna happen: I stood in line with no jacket and ended up not getting in as they closed down the line when we were about 3 people away from getting in. Still, I don't regret it because it felt good to push things. JamesAnderson is all about pushing to the bitter end in the way I often was in the summertime. I think it's okay to call it an early night sometimes, but this is not one of those weeks. This is the best sarging week we'll have until around Valentine's Day and around St Patrick's Day so we might as well push things hard.
When we first got in line, these two girls cut in line behind us. I didn't say anything as they hadn't cut in front of me. I was debating opening them when the cute brunette asked me how long we had been waiting. I answered and then proceeded to talk. Here was my first mistake. The two girls also had no jackets. I made some amusing comment that I can't remember and put my arm around her to tell her I'd keep her warm. Then, I dropped my arm.
Here we can highlight a massive sticking point.
I thought hard about why I dropped my arm. I figured it must be that part of me that's afraid she's not gonna like it and that I'm making her uncomfortable by doing it. I used to do the claw all the time to learn kino and then I stopped having to do it because I learned to calibrate it better. As I said in Thursday's report, I need to get back to some newbie drills. This was a situation where I should have listened to Ozzie and kept my arm around her. It made her warmer so she was fine with it regardless. On top of that, I have to trust my judgement. Having done that newbie shit in the past, I know what it looks like when a girl gets uncomfortable with me being too close and with me having my arm around her. She was not showing those signs. I was protecting my ego by playing it too safe for dumb reasons. It sucks to creep out girls and doing newbie drills as a newbie, you can cross the line more often than you'd like. I don't have that excuse, though. I need to do more newbie drills and I should have less hesitation doing it since I have the calibration that newbies don't.
I screwed the claw up, but I kept talking to the girl. I realized the girls wanted to keep partying when I'd occasionally stop talking to them and I'd hear them talking to each other. They were debating leaving but then they wanted to keep partying. The kept going back and forth and a few times I threw in reasons to make them want to stay.
Game Plan:
I'll give myself credit for formulating game plans while this set was happening. This is how you handle situations and keep the sets moving. When my game is off, like it has been for most of the past three months, I don't have any brain power doing this and instead I'm standing there trying to talk to the girl for as long as possible without escalating or figuring out what I'm going to do with the set. These thoughts, then, were progress. I thought about grabbing the two girls and then walking to the front of the line and trying to get in with them. I didn't want to do it because I was afraid it wouldn't work or I was afraid the girls would get in and then I wouldn't.
It's funny that ultimately, the girls waited in line for about 15 minutes and as we got about 5 people away from the front, the squeezed in between the guys and got the front and got let in just before the bouncer shut down the line. That sucks that I didn't get in because I was gonna try to escalate on that set when I got in . I had that in my head.
As JamesAnderson and I were walking back to my car to hit up another venue, we walked by this other after hours place. It looks like a trashy crowd every time we walked by and the two times we went, we were lucky if there was even one decent set to open. I had pointed it out the my wing as we walked by on the way to Social. Here's the dumb part. I forgot about that place as I was freezing in line.
I thought of other ideas. If my wing had his hotel room like he sometimes does, we could have sold an after party there and there was a chance we could have gotten the girls to leave to cold and walk a few blocks to the hotel. I thought about how if Nintendo had been with me as my wing, I could have told them about getting tacos and then drinking some beers. We would have taken taco's to go and went to Nintendo's place: the drills once before together and that I did on my last SNL.
If I had remembered that shitty after hours place that was only two blocks away, I could have gotten those girls to come with us. Yeah the place isn't that great, but it was warm, a bar, had drinks, and the venue change would have solidified things and gotten me time to really amp up attraction and create more rapport. Out of all the options I mentioned above, I think this would have had the best chance of success and being a gambling man, I'll even sets percentages. I'd say it had at least an 85% chance of working. Damn, why didn't I think of it then.
Pushing harder:
We went to the after hours and the sets weren't the easiest to open. Most were mixed sets or had girls on the dance floor. Usually when we tell each other there are no sets, we were making excuses. We did manage to open some sets and we inspired each other to keep trying several times at the after hours when we were ready to give up at different points. Again, it felt good to really try.
I'd say again that I did the best I could at the time, but yes, there were sets that on a really on night, I would have tried that I didn't tonight. I might have tried more dance floor approaches. I'm not surprised I fear that again. I had slain the escalation and dance floor demons. Those two things were big hurdles this summer and of course, the time off and inner game shit makes them return as enemies I have to fight again.
I titled this post as I kept thinking on the drive home about this struggle with that inner demon in terms of a RPG analogy. This beast has the regeneration of a troll and might even have some phoenix blood inside it. I thought I had it slain when I was on a roll at the end of summer and of course it reared it's ugly head and has been with me ever since. I did learn from my Thursday evening pain. I was forcing myself to make approaches early. I stuck in some sets longer than I normally would have and even went back into some sets that I might have chickened out of returning to on most days. That lead to one particularly rough landing that hurt but I broke through that pain and continued my evening unscathed.
I can't say I was perfect. There were tougher approaches I could have made and some moments when I should have stuck in longer but my goal wasn't to give an evening where I did my 100% best. That's hard to do. Even NFL quarterbacks can't do that every game; yes even Tom Brady who I love to mention. I gave it my best shot and on another day I could have done better, but I sure feel good about it now. I didn't want to feel that pain of inaction through ego protection that I felt from Thursday.
Two mistakes in Two good Sets:
Two chances will a tall blonde:
The first was this tall blonde. I opened her and I couldn't believe how she was giving me the anime eyes and just locking eye contact with me. Out of all the girls I opened this evening, this might have been the one I had really hooked off the bat. My wing, who I call my cousin (the Asian guy who I've mentioned before and apparently goes by the name "JamesAnderson" on the forums) came into try to save me from this cockblock friend. My girl liked me enough to stay when friend tried to pull her away to the bar. Then, my calibration began to show me what 2j reported when I got busted out soon afterward. I had her hooked but I didn't escalate so I lost attraction. I'll give myself some credit that when I began to see this, I tried moving her to the dance floor but I wasn't alpha enough about that. Another mistake was that there was this guy in the set and I should have figured out his relation so I know how to handle him. I don't think it was some random guy but a guy in the friend circle or possibly a boyfriend.
I should title this section "Three Mistakes" as about a half hour later I made another mistake. I was waiting for JamesAnderson to come out of the bathroom when I spotted the blonde walking across the dance floor area from the women's bathroom. We made eye contact. I smiled and waved and she waved back. Thinking back, and I heck, I realized this just after I got the wave and she kept walking, I should have motioned for her to come over and just held eye contact. She might have complied if I did it right. Even if she kept walking, I then walk over and said something like, "Haha dork, don't be afraid of the dance floor" and then stopped her and pulled her in.
Still, I might have avoided approaching this girl on a day when the inner demon of ego protection was winning. I also wouldn't have hooked her in the state I was in Thursday. I should at least take this as a sticking point as proof of the belief I'm supposed to have: that I am enough for these hot girls and I deserve these type of girls. Entitlement.
2-set Freezing in Line:
I was ready to call it a night when we got stuck waiting in this long line for Social. What turned happening was what I feared and figured was gonna happen: I stood in line with no jacket and ended up not getting in as they closed down the line when we were about 3 people away from getting in. Still, I don't regret it because it felt good to push things. JamesAnderson is all about pushing to the bitter end in the way I often was in the summertime. I think it's okay to call it an early night sometimes, but this is not one of those weeks. This is the best sarging week we'll have until around Valentine's Day and around St Patrick's Day so we might as well push things hard.
When we first got in line, these two girls cut in line behind us. I didn't say anything as they hadn't cut in front of me. I was debating opening them when the cute brunette asked me how long we had been waiting. I answered and then proceeded to talk. Here was my first mistake. The two girls also had no jackets. I made some amusing comment that I can't remember and put my arm around her to tell her I'd keep her warm. Then, I dropped my arm.
Here we can highlight a massive sticking point.
I thought hard about why I dropped my arm. I figured it must be that part of me that's afraid she's not gonna like it and that I'm making her uncomfortable by doing it. I used to do the claw all the time to learn kino and then I stopped having to do it because I learned to calibrate it better. As I said in Thursday's report, I need to get back to some newbie drills. This was a situation where I should have listened to Ozzie and kept my arm around her. It made her warmer so she was fine with it regardless. On top of that, I have to trust my judgement. Having done that newbie shit in the past, I know what it looks like when a girl gets uncomfortable with me being too close and with me having my arm around her. She was not showing those signs. I was protecting my ego by playing it too safe for dumb reasons. It sucks to creep out girls and doing newbie drills as a newbie, you can cross the line more often than you'd like. I don't have that excuse, though. I need to do more newbie drills and I should have less hesitation doing it since I have the calibration that newbies don't.
I screwed the claw up, but I kept talking to the girl. I realized the girls wanted to keep partying when I'd occasionally stop talking to them and I'd hear them talking to each other. They were debating leaving but then they wanted to keep partying. The kept going back and forth and a few times I threw in reasons to make them want to stay.
Game Plan:
I'll give myself credit for formulating game plans while this set was happening. This is how you handle situations and keep the sets moving. When my game is off, like it has been for most of the past three months, I don't have any brain power doing this and instead I'm standing there trying to talk to the girl for as long as possible without escalating or figuring out what I'm going to do with the set. These thoughts, then, were progress. I thought about grabbing the two girls and then walking to the front of the line and trying to get in with them. I didn't want to do it because I was afraid it wouldn't work or I was afraid the girls would get in and then I wouldn't.
It's funny that ultimately, the girls waited in line for about 15 minutes and as we got about 5 people away from the front, the squeezed in between the guys and got the front and got let in just before the bouncer shut down the line. That sucks that I didn't get in because I was gonna try to escalate on that set when I got in . I had that in my head.
As JamesAnderson and I were walking back to my car to hit up another venue, we walked by this other after hours place. It looks like a trashy crowd every time we walked by and the two times we went, we were lucky if there was even one decent set to open. I had pointed it out the my wing as we walked by on the way to Social. Here's the dumb part. I forgot about that place as I was freezing in line.
I thought of other ideas. If my wing had his hotel room like he sometimes does, we could have sold an after party there and there was a chance we could have gotten the girls to leave to cold and walk a few blocks to the hotel. I thought about how if Nintendo had been with me as my wing, I could have told them about getting tacos and then drinking some beers. We would have taken taco's to go and went to Nintendo's place: the drills once before together and that I did on my last SNL.
If I had remembered that shitty after hours place that was only two blocks away, I could have gotten those girls to come with us. Yeah the place isn't that great, but it was warm, a bar, had drinks, and the venue change would have solidified things and gotten me time to really amp up attraction and create more rapport. Out of all the options I mentioned above, I think this would have had the best chance of success and being a gambling man, I'll even sets percentages. I'd say it had at least an 85% chance of working. Damn, why didn't I think of it then.
Pushing harder:
We went to the after hours and the sets weren't the easiest to open. Most were mixed sets or had girls on the dance floor. Usually when we tell each other there are no sets, we were making excuses. We did manage to open some sets and we inspired each other to keep trying several times at the after hours when we were ready to give up at different points. Again, it felt good to really try.
I'd say again that I did the best I could at the time, but yes, there were sets that on a really on night, I would have tried that I didn't tonight. I might have tried more dance floor approaches. I'm not surprised I fear that again. I had slain the escalation and dance floor demons. Those two things were big hurdles this summer and of course, the time off and inner game shit makes them return as enemies I have to fight again.
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