This is an entry on how a summer cold helped me put things back into proper perspective. I neglected to post an entry about two Fridays ago. Nintendo and I were at Sound Bar for the free drinks on a Friday. Early on, he had this girl that he opened that he was trying to give to me. When he introduced me, I just talked but didn't try to make things happen. My feeling was that he opened the set and was doing well so why pass it to me. I know it was because he wanted to help and she wasn't that attractive but I also figured that if she's into him, she'd not necessarily gonna be into me. He ended up just going for since I passed and later in the week he met up with her and closed the deal.
That night I did okay. Nothing was really happening. I was opening and hooking a few sets but nothing longer than like 5 minutes. Suddenly, I saw this seated pale girl and I opened her. We chatted and then I decided to start dancing. She was into it but I worried she might not wanna get to crazy since we were the only ones dancing in that area so I moved her to the main dance floor. At this time, I was also working on making sure to move girls around the club as that had been a sticking point for me. We grinded a bit there and then I moved her to the couch and ran more rapport game. I mentioned food and she said it was a good idea. We talked some more and then I moved her upstairs and just went for the food extraction right there.
We went to Rock n Roll McDonalds. We chatted some more and hit some wide rapport. She's into weird stuff like me like Ancient Aliens and other History channel so that helped. I tried to get her to let me go over to watch some History channel stuff but she wouldn't go for it. She had said she had to get up early so she didn't want to hang out this late, plus I hadn't escalated enough for a sexual pull. I had number closed earlier so when we were done eating, I gave her a hug. I thought about the kiss but it didn't feel right so I just went for a hug.
These three hot girls happened to be walking by when I did this. The preselection theory stuff does work as they commented to me as she was walking away. A girl in that group said, "Oh, did you just make out with her? Did you just meet her?" I said, "We just hugged." The girl replied, "What? Go over there and grab her and make out with her."
I just smiled and kept walking to meet up with Nintendo. It did bother me that I didn't go for the kiss that entire time and Nintendo hammered that point to me. I just didn't feel that on moment, but as I discussed in my lay report from last night, it's a sticking point for me. I'll go for the kiss when it's obvious but I haven't become comfortable for going for it when things are lukewarm. I need to do that as going for it and holding state if it's rejected builds attraction anyway.
Browbeating vs learning:
There were good lessons to be learned from that night. I kept focusing on the negative, though, instead of focusing on the positive. I did things well with leading. I lead the conversation and I lead her around the club. This was big because two Fridays ago, I was having problems being consistent with leading the girl around the club.
I went out the Sunday after and Nintendo and I had a decent night despite there being very few sets. We almost had this good two set with Polish girls. We were frustrated that nothing happened but we both realized that we had to focus on the good. This RSD Ozzie video had been posted around this time about focusing on the good things instead of being too negative.
Hit by a summer cold:
I woke up Monday morning and felt the tingling of a sore throat. Tuesday and Wednesday I felt like total shit and barely got out of bed. I did catch up on my History Channel and PBS shows. I watched a bunch of movies as well. I didn't start feeling better until Thursday. Friday, I finally went out.
The cold had done wonders for my frame despite making me feel miserable physically for a few days. I realized that I had been doing too much browbeating and had not been enjoying the little things in sarging and in life in general. Being out that Friday, I realized how it's a gift to just be able to be out healthy (well at least recovering on that Friday) on a warm summer evening in Chicago. I had to remember that the weather would be shitty in just a few months. I had to remember that more colds will come. In terms of life, I appreciated just being able to work out. I was beating myself up over dumb stuff like not progressing faster in my running or not losing weight as fast as I could.
It's the same lesson that I always write about. I was reminded of being happy with the process. The cold made me realize I should just be happy to be out sarging and with any progress I make. I seemed to have forgotten how shitty the nights were in the early days and especially before I discovered "The Game." I was reminded I'm lucky to be alive. I'm lucky to be healthy. I should be happy that I'm near my goal weight and have maintained weight loss for well over a year and have stuck with my fitness program.
Key with the pull:
I wrote in my SNL report about some key points that helped me. I wrote about how the logistics were possible because of ending up at the taco place by Nintendo's place and Nintendo setting it up so I could wind up smoothly at his place. I wrote that I lead well for the most part. I'd say a third element were the lessons I learned from recent screw ups. On Friday, I neglected to move this girl away from her guy friends. I had been grinding on her for several songs and the make out was close but she got weird because of the guy friends. Beyond that, I've gotten better at leading in general and forcing myself to be a closer.
Really key though is probably my shift in attitude. I was more positive the last two days although for some reason I was in a bad state for most of Saturday but at least I pulled through in the end.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
SNL Part 2: Inept but leading pull and a money wing
Some pulls are text book easy and some are messy. Sometimes, you just hit it off with a girl, and then you say "Let's get out of here" and things basically take care of themselves. For example, she just follows you out. You get in a cab, she tells the driver her address, you go up, you make out, you escalate, you get no LMR, and you fuck. Messy pulls mean you have to play tug of war with friends, or you may have to drag the girl to the front of the venue 4-5 times before you'll leave with her. You might get massive LMR, or you might just get drama you have to push through. Tonight, I would say this was partially messy pull featuring a fortunate, quick thinking food extraction, a mistake, and a facilitating wing.
Are you a closer?
I think about Ozzie and Hoobie from RSD when I ask myself that question because of their speeches in Transformations. I thought about that tall blonde who was so into me at Kincaid's a few weeks ago. Part of me wanted to press for a venue change and maybe a pull with her but there were two girls and a guy to maneuver through that night. I decided to just take the number close and that turned out to be flaky. Sometimes you just have to strike while the girl's buying temperature is up and not hope to get a Day 2 with the phone number. The girls sometimes are drunk and then when they wake up sober they forget who you are when you're texting or they just want to forget about some bar make out or they worry what dumb stuff they might have said to you when you met them.
Part of me wanted to practice ego protection and just be happy with the number close. Perhaps, tonight's bad state was a gift. No, not perhaps, my shit state was key tonight. If I had been in a good state, I would have opened up other sets and left this number to pursue as a Day 2. In some other reality, maybe I pulled anyway or I pulled a stunner or whatever. What I do know is this number had a high chance of flaking. Let's call this girl "Firework." I'm referring to that girl I talked to because Nintendo happened to open set near us when I was pressuring him to open this other set by a table instead. I think this number might have flaked because though I knew she was drunk, I had no idea she was way more drunk that I realized when I met her initially. She kept forgetting my name and details about me. I would have text her Sunday or Monday and I wouldn't be surprised if she would remember little or anything about me.
Text game can turn a situation like that around and get a Day 2. My text game is bad. I usually only get Day 2's if the girl was really into me on the initial meet, or if I happen to hit on some common interest in our text exchange. I've read Nintendo and 2j's text game, and I lack their wit and sexual banter. I often write boring texts that are too long, or I just do the simple texts (which again only work if I really had a good initial impression).
Tonight I was gonna be a closer and it started with the closer mentality. I knew this girl was into me so why not try again. I also didn't have other options as I wasn't hooking the few times I was opening. As I wrote in Part 1, the creepy bust outs did serve to improve my state and I was feeling better when I opened her again.
"You look familiar."
I had spotted her a few times dancing with her friends in the same spot when I met her. This time, I came up and she was dancing next to just one friend. I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar." She smiled and I pulled her into me. We danced for like a minute. Then we stopped and she was just looking into my eyes so we kissed. This reminds me of something I've hit upon in other report. I sometimes have problems creating kiss closes. I don't often miss these opportunity. If the girl is gazing into my eyes, I'm gonna kiss her. It's when I'm in a situation where I'm not as into the girl, or it's lukewarm, yet she'd probably let me kiss her, that I have problems setting up a kiss. I keep thinking there's a way to set it up so I get the girl to gaze into my eyes. My wings tell me, and I know I don't have to set it up like this. I also know that by just going for the kiss you create attraction and make it more likely because I know if I get rejected, I'll be cool and that will just make her want it to happen later.
She really wanted to make out. It wasn't as much as with that Russian bisexual girl, but she really wanted me nonetheless. I learned from my screw up of overescalating that night so I broke it off early with Firework. I remember saying something like, "Let's take this slow." We danced and grinded and kiss a bit. Some of the friends seemed to have left the venue but I knew there were some around so I wanted to move her. In addition, it's just good game to move a girl around a venue. If she's not gonna follow you in the venue, you're not gonna pull her. I learned from a screw up Friday with this girl on the dance floor (I'll write about that in another post later). I failed to pull from the friends and got busted out. I also learned from a success two Fridays ago where I dragged a girl (I'm calling her "Nugget" when I write that report). I dragged Nugget from a seating area, to dancing, then deep into the dance floor, to a couch, upstairs in the club, and then to Rock and Roll McDonald's.
I dragged her downstairs. We grind-ed a bit and then I sat her down. We made out but I kept it short, again to maintain buying temperature but not over escalate. We just chatted and I kept up the kino by rubbing her leg and having my arm around her. This was when I realized the number probably would have flaked. I had to tell her my name like 6 times before she finally remembered it. (AFC's probably would make negative comments about the girl being drunk. The thing is that drunks are the norm at bars and clubs. That's the nature of night game and even if you do a Day 2, the girls often drink. She sobered up after all the time we wasted and as you'll see, she ended up having a great time.)
I always complain that this venue has no air conditioning downstairs. I was dripping sweat. I had her come upstairs by one of the vents. I always note the cooler areas in the bar because dancing makes me overheat. I'm in shape now and slim but I just sweat a lot whe n I exert myself. We talked a bit there and I mentioned food. That seems to be my default pull reason.
Walking endlessly:
Here is where I had a minor screw up. She agreed to food so I lead her outside. I didn't want to do Rock and Roll McDonald's again so I just started walking. As we were walking, I came up with this idea to walk to J Dawg's. I think that's the name: it's a fast food place that's open late on the weekends near the Loyola Law School just off Chicago Ave near the Red Line stop there. I like to walk a lot. Fortunately, this girl wasn't wearing heels or I might have busted out from the girl needing to walk so far. We started to walk that way and I tried to figure out logistics.
She lived in the suburbs and farther than I did. She asked me if I lived nearby. If I had a place, I could have just pulled her there. As it was, I probably should have just went to my car and starting driving to my place. By the time the friends really started interfering on the phone, we would have been 75% of the way to my place. Instead, we were walking on the streets. She complained about how far the walk was and then asked where my car was. I decided to walk to the car and she realized we were backtracking and even said we should have just walked there in the first place.
My plan was to start driving to my place. I remembered White Castle worked as a reason to drive Promoter girl to my place. I mentioned White Castle as we were walking to the car. During the walk, I just kept talking about random stuff. I remember Jeffy saying you just talk to keep the mood going. One thing I'll learn from tonight is that I should have kept kissing her occasionally to keep buying temp up. I also should consider doing the trick of turning a girl's phone off. The friends almost screwed me tonight, and in future situations, I will lose a pull because I didn't shut a girl's phone off.
The phone call:
We finally got into the car after what seemed like ages. I remember using Julian's line of "We're going on an adventure." It also popped into my head to use a Tim type roleplay. I remember mentioning that we were having fun and we were really secret agents out to save the world. I started driving towards my place. Initially, I had said I'd drop her off all the way in the suburbs. I told her I'd get her home safely. As soon as I got on the on ramp, her phone rang and she answered. The girls where asking her where she was. I was on the Ohio Feeder ramp. I was gonna take the Kennedy to my house. She said she needed a ride to the hotel . I told her we'd get food and I'd drop her off.
She told me to take the Dan Ryan route. She was talking about me dropping her off at the hotel now. I was thinking, "WTF?" but I stayed cool. I told her we should go to Lincoln Park and now it was her fault that we were driving the wrong way. She talked about the hotel and then it popped into my head to go get taco's. We were on the route that Nintendo and I often take to get to his house. We also often stop for tacos on 18th street.
Whoops:
I've never gone to the taco place without Nintendo. Suddenly, I start to worry that we passed it. We passed the 18th street Pink line and I knew for sure we had passed it. I didn't want to look dumb and turn around so I decided to go to the taco place by Nintendo's place. I tried calling him but there was no answer. That turned out to be a key choice.
This is an example of why you shouldn't sweat things. You have to have faith that you'll figure out things. I passed the taco place but had a backup plan. I even noted this diner on Western in case the taco place was closed.
I'll note that several times during the ride, the friends were texting and calling. She told them we were getting tacos and then I'd drop her off.
"Get me some tacos" -Nintendo.
Nintendo is an awesome wing man. Just in general, he's always looking out for his wings. There were times in the past when he had too many guys out and spent too much energy trying to help everyone out. He also is on the same page as I am when it comes to pushing for closes. Finally, he just plans ahead in ways that sometimes don't occur to me.
He called me when I was at the taco place. I told him I had planned to go to our usual taco place but wound up at the one by him. I told him I was with that girl from that set he opened earlier. He said I should try to pull her to his place. I responded that I'd try.
He called back about 5 minutes later and asked me to pick him up 3 tacos. He said that I'd bring the tacos up and we could all chill and have some drinks. The blonde Irish girl was with him and then they'd leave us in the living room.
Jeffy says you gotta explain less:
I'm so grateful for Jeffy responding to my field report I posted on RSD last year about that black girl I should have banged. The advice I took away was you just have to lead and lead and blow off some objections. Back then, I tried to explain things too much. While we were at the taco place, the texts and phone calls continued. Firework kept saying we had to drive back soon. I assured her that I'd get her home safely and just kept a calm state. In the past, I would have been worrying to much about how I was gonna make it happen.
We talked a bunch while we ate and then we got the tacos and left. I kissed her outside and we got in the car. I thought about how I was gonna get her to come upstairs. It turned out there was no resistance to that at all. I'm sure it was because part of her wanted this to happen as well if things went smoothly. I was hoping for a spot in front, but I took the spot in the alley. I told her we were just gonna drop off the tacos.
She got out of the car and walked with me. This was amazingly without incident. I remember that 2-set with G that gave so much resistance to going up to his place. I was prepared but again, it was no problem.
She recognized Nintendo. We went upstairs and she immediately went to the bathrom. Nintendo told me that his girl was passed out in his bed. He wanted me to go look. I had to piss anyway, so I went to use his bathroom. There she was sleeping in his bed.
Nintendo ate his tacos and poured us hard liquor on ice. I sat her down next to me. He did a good job taking some pressure off but just being cool and friendly. That helped her feel comfortable being at his place. Having cool wings is important because if you have some weird friend instead, she wouldn't have been comfortable messing around with me there.
As Nintendo had said on the phone, he disappeared after eating the taco.
Little LMR:
As soon as he left, we started making out and now that I was in a seduction location (to use the old MM terms) I didn't have to hold back . I really started to turn it on and we both started to get really into it. I dragged her to the couch and it was on.
Thinking back on this, I remembered the missed lays I had with those two girls that had been on my bed. Yeah, that sucked, but I felt more comfortable escalating here as a result of those screw ups.
She resisted a few times by saying she had to go really soon. I just reassured her. I threw out, "We shouldn't be doing this." That's the old nugget that you need to slow things down and/or throw out objections otherwise she'll do it.
The key thing is that while I wanted sex, I didn't need it. I can finally say I understand what this means. I struggled with this aspect of theory before. I remember her telling me to stop one point when I was touching her pussy. I pulled my hand back. I pulled back from the make out. As we held eye contact I said, "I don't want you to do anything that you're not comfortable with. We can leave at anytime." I know I said the later several times when she mentioned having to get back to the hotel.
You can throw out lines, but I can say I understand the non neediness for sex theory now because I actually felt this way. I had a good time and yeah I wanted to have sex. At the same time, I didn't need to have sex with her to feel like the night was validated or I was validated. I knew she was probably throwing out a token objection anyway, but I was cool with that and I was cool if she actually wanted to stop. What happened? Well, she just smiled and pulled me into her and initiated the make out.
I forgot about Andydufresne:
I won't go into any more detail about the sex. I'll say that there were signs that if we have a second encounter, sparks are really gonna fly. There were hints of that here but there was also the awkwardness of first time sex as well but I had a great time and she said she did as well.
I was lying on Nintendo's couch naked and had Fireworks in my arm when I heard a door opening. I thought it might be Nintendo's roommate, but he seems to never come out in the middle of the night when I've been there. I thought it might by Nintendo, but then I heard stair climbing. I then remembered that Andydufresne was temporarily staying in Nintendo's room. I pulled a couch pillow onto of me. Firework was embarassed and pulled a pillow in her face.
I saw Andydufresne's head appear as he ascended the final stairs. I started giggling. This is how it goes with PUA's. He walked in one me there and then shortly afterward, he walked into Nintendo's room to get on his temporary bed there and then saw a girl sleeping next to Nintendo. This is the PUA lifestlye.
Mixed emotions:
Firework had a good time. I could tell by the smile she had and the way she was holding my hand on the drive back. She also had to deal with societal pressure and even worse, she had to go back to a room full of several girls from the party who would lay their judgement upon her. She was anxious about this. She talked about it and apologized at the same time because she said she didn't want to make it sound like she didn't have a good time because she had enjoyed our adventure.
I told her my feelings on this. I said that I get it. I understand society pressure women in this way. I told her that she's a grown woman who can make her own choices. I told her there's nothing wrong about a woman liking sex and I don't judge. She said, "I told myself I didn't want to be 'that girl" tonight. I didn't want to be the girl in the bachelorette girl that ditched the group and went home with a guy."
I made light out of it. I said, "Hey, it could be worse. At least I'm cool. At least I'm not an asshole."
I suppose it's a bit cocky, but it's true. Some guys bang girls and then either purposely make them feel like trash or don't care if they make the girls feel like that. I actually am a nice guy. I believe in the light side of the game. I remember telling her at one point on the ride back, "I'd like to see you again, but I leave it up to you whether you want this to be a one time thing or if you'd like to see me again." She took my number there. I had her number, but this was good. I learned I had her correct number when she called my phone. It is possible that she could have drunkenly typed her number in wrong earlier and that would have been horrible. She would have thought I was blowing her off when I in fact do I want to see her again.
As we neared the hotel, we came up with some plan on what she'd say to her friends. I remember also saying that if her friends had parties till closing time (it was around 5am when I dropped her off), it wouldn't have been as a big of a deal that she was showing up at that time. I also said that yeah, they might judge her and girls do that but at the same time, it's nothing that each of those girls hasn't done before.
I really am a good guy?:
I put a question mark because I'll close this again by saying that's a big inner game realization. Sure, I know that but tonight really reinforced it on many ways. Because I decided to man up and be a closer, I helped create an awesome evening for both Firework and I. On top of that, while she loathed dealing with the judgement from her friend circle in the hotel room, she had to realize that she picked a nice guy to hook up with. I was empathetic to her plight and I'm really am nonjudgmental. A lot of guys would think she's a "slut." I don't view her in that negative light. I think she made a good choice in hooking up with me :) and I don't judge her for doing it so quickly. I'm a PUA and I want to hook up with girls fast and I have no problem with girls who do that, and that's whether it's with me, with other guys. I don't care if they do SNL's once in awhile or often. Women and men should enjoy sex.
While I often have doubted myself, this SNL really is going to help cement it in me that I'm a high value guy in many ways and I should never doubt myself when I'm out in the field. If I do things right, I really will give a girl a good, positive experience with me. By choding around or not being a closer, I'm depriving her of that experience. Even worse, she might end up getting pulled by some asshole or some loser instead, so I'm gonna be motivated to be a close even more now.
Are you a closer?
I think about Ozzie and Hoobie from RSD when I ask myself that question because of their speeches in Transformations. I thought about that tall blonde who was so into me at Kincaid's a few weeks ago. Part of me wanted to press for a venue change and maybe a pull with her but there were two girls and a guy to maneuver through that night. I decided to just take the number close and that turned out to be flaky. Sometimes you just have to strike while the girl's buying temperature is up and not hope to get a Day 2 with the phone number. The girls sometimes are drunk and then when they wake up sober they forget who you are when you're texting or they just want to forget about some bar make out or they worry what dumb stuff they might have said to you when you met them.
Part of me wanted to practice ego protection and just be happy with the number close. Perhaps, tonight's bad state was a gift. No, not perhaps, my shit state was key tonight. If I had been in a good state, I would have opened up other sets and left this number to pursue as a Day 2. In some other reality, maybe I pulled anyway or I pulled a stunner or whatever. What I do know is this number had a high chance of flaking. Let's call this girl "Firework." I'm referring to that girl I talked to because Nintendo happened to open set near us when I was pressuring him to open this other set by a table instead. I think this number might have flaked because though I knew she was drunk, I had no idea she was way more drunk that I realized when I met her initially. She kept forgetting my name and details about me. I would have text her Sunday or Monday and I wouldn't be surprised if she would remember little or anything about me.
Text game can turn a situation like that around and get a Day 2. My text game is bad. I usually only get Day 2's if the girl was really into me on the initial meet, or if I happen to hit on some common interest in our text exchange. I've read Nintendo and 2j's text game, and I lack their wit and sexual banter. I often write boring texts that are too long, or I just do the simple texts (which again only work if I really had a good initial impression).
Tonight I was gonna be a closer and it started with the closer mentality. I knew this girl was into me so why not try again. I also didn't have other options as I wasn't hooking the few times I was opening. As I wrote in Part 1, the creepy bust outs did serve to improve my state and I was feeling better when I opened her again.
"You look familiar."
I had spotted her a few times dancing with her friends in the same spot when I met her. This time, I came up and she was dancing next to just one friend. I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar." She smiled and I pulled her into me. We danced for like a minute. Then we stopped and she was just looking into my eyes so we kissed. This reminds me of something I've hit upon in other report. I sometimes have problems creating kiss closes. I don't often miss these opportunity. If the girl is gazing into my eyes, I'm gonna kiss her. It's when I'm in a situation where I'm not as into the girl, or it's lukewarm, yet she'd probably let me kiss her, that I have problems setting up a kiss. I keep thinking there's a way to set it up so I get the girl to gaze into my eyes. My wings tell me, and I know I don't have to set it up like this. I also know that by just going for the kiss you create attraction and make it more likely because I know if I get rejected, I'll be cool and that will just make her want it to happen later.
She really wanted to make out. It wasn't as much as with that Russian bisexual girl, but she really wanted me nonetheless. I learned from my screw up of overescalating that night so I broke it off early with Firework. I remember saying something like, "Let's take this slow." We danced and grinded and kiss a bit. Some of the friends seemed to have left the venue but I knew there were some around so I wanted to move her. In addition, it's just good game to move a girl around a venue. If she's not gonna follow you in the venue, you're not gonna pull her. I learned from a screw up Friday with this girl on the dance floor (I'll write about that in another post later). I failed to pull from the friends and got busted out. I also learned from a success two Fridays ago where I dragged a girl (I'm calling her "Nugget" when I write that report). I dragged Nugget from a seating area, to dancing, then deep into the dance floor, to a couch, upstairs in the club, and then to Rock and Roll McDonald's.
I dragged her downstairs. We grind-ed a bit and then I sat her down. We made out but I kept it short, again to maintain buying temperature but not over escalate. We just chatted and I kept up the kino by rubbing her leg and having my arm around her. This was when I realized the number probably would have flaked. I had to tell her my name like 6 times before she finally remembered it. (AFC's probably would make negative comments about the girl being drunk. The thing is that drunks are the norm at bars and clubs. That's the nature of night game and even if you do a Day 2, the girls often drink. She sobered up after all the time we wasted and as you'll see, she ended up having a great time.)
I always complain that this venue has no air conditioning downstairs. I was dripping sweat. I had her come upstairs by one of the vents. I always note the cooler areas in the bar because dancing makes me overheat. I'm in shape now and slim but I just sweat a lot whe n I exert myself. We talked a bit there and I mentioned food. That seems to be my default pull reason.
Walking endlessly:
Here is where I had a minor screw up. She agreed to food so I lead her outside. I didn't want to do Rock and Roll McDonald's again so I just started walking. As we were walking, I came up with this idea to walk to J Dawg's. I think that's the name: it's a fast food place that's open late on the weekends near the Loyola Law School just off Chicago Ave near the Red Line stop there. I like to walk a lot. Fortunately, this girl wasn't wearing heels or I might have busted out from the girl needing to walk so far. We started to walk that way and I tried to figure out logistics.
She lived in the suburbs and farther than I did. She asked me if I lived nearby. If I had a place, I could have just pulled her there. As it was, I probably should have just went to my car and starting driving to my place. By the time the friends really started interfering on the phone, we would have been 75% of the way to my place. Instead, we were walking on the streets. She complained about how far the walk was and then asked where my car was. I decided to walk to the car and she realized we were backtracking and even said we should have just walked there in the first place.
My plan was to start driving to my place. I remembered White Castle worked as a reason to drive Promoter girl to my place. I mentioned White Castle as we were walking to the car. During the walk, I just kept talking about random stuff. I remember Jeffy saying you just talk to keep the mood going. One thing I'll learn from tonight is that I should have kept kissing her occasionally to keep buying temp up. I also should consider doing the trick of turning a girl's phone off. The friends almost screwed me tonight, and in future situations, I will lose a pull because I didn't shut a girl's phone off.
The phone call:
We finally got into the car after what seemed like ages. I remember using Julian's line of "We're going on an adventure." It also popped into my head to use a Tim type roleplay. I remember mentioning that we were having fun and we were really secret agents out to save the world. I started driving towards my place. Initially, I had said I'd drop her off all the way in the suburbs. I told her I'd get her home safely. As soon as I got on the on ramp, her phone rang and she answered. The girls where asking her where she was. I was on the Ohio Feeder ramp. I was gonna take the Kennedy to my house. She said she needed a ride to the hotel . I told her we'd get food and I'd drop her off.
She told me to take the Dan Ryan route. She was talking about me dropping her off at the hotel now. I was thinking, "WTF?" but I stayed cool. I told her we should go to Lincoln Park and now it was her fault that we were driving the wrong way. She talked about the hotel and then it popped into my head to go get taco's. We were on the route that Nintendo and I often take to get to his house. We also often stop for tacos on 18th street.
Whoops:
I've never gone to the taco place without Nintendo. Suddenly, I start to worry that we passed it. We passed the 18th street Pink line and I knew for sure we had passed it. I didn't want to look dumb and turn around so I decided to go to the taco place by Nintendo's place. I tried calling him but there was no answer. That turned out to be a key choice.
This is an example of why you shouldn't sweat things. You have to have faith that you'll figure out things. I passed the taco place but had a backup plan. I even noted this diner on Western in case the taco place was closed.
I'll note that several times during the ride, the friends were texting and calling. She told them we were getting tacos and then I'd drop her off.
"Get me some tacos" -Nintendo.
Nintendo is an awesome wing man. Just in general, he's always looking out for his wings. There were times in the past when he had too many guys out and spent too much energy trying to help everyone out. He also is on the same page as I am when it comes to pushing for closes. Finally, he just plans ahead in ways that sometimes don't occur to me.
He called me when I was at the taco place. I told him I had planned to go to our usual taco place but wound up at the one by him. I told him I was with that girl from that set he opened earlier. He said I should try to pull her to his place. I responded that I'd try.
He called back about 5 minutes later and asked me to pick him up 3 tacos. He said that I'd bring the tacos up and we could all chill and have some drinks. The blonde Irish girl was with him and then they'd leave us in the living room.
Jeffy says you gotta explain less:
I'm so grateful for Jeffy responding to my field report I posted on RSD last year about that black girl I should have banged. The advice I took away was you just have to lead and lead and blow off some objections. Back then, I tried to explain things too much. While we were at the taco place, the texts and phone calls continued. Firework kept saying we had to drive back soon. I assured her that I'd get her home safely and just kept a calm state. In the past, I would have been worrying to much about how I was gonna make it happen.
We talked a bunch while we ate and then we got the tacos and left. I kissed her outside and we got in the car. I thought about how I was gonna get her to come upstairs. It turned out there was no resistance to that at all. I'm sure it was because part of her wanted this to happen as well if things went smoothly. I was hoping for a spot in front, but I took the spot in the alley. I told her we were just gonna drop off the tacos.
She got out of the car and walked with me. This was amazingly without incident. I remember that 2-set with G that gave so much resistance to going up to his place. I was prepared but again, it was no problem.
She recognized Nintendo. We went upstairs and she immediately went to the bathrom. Nintendo told me that his girl was passed out in his bed. He wanted me to go look. I had to piss anyway, so I went to use his bathroom. There she was sleeping in his bed.
Nintendo ate his tacos and poured us hard liquor on ice. I sat her down next to me. He did a good job taking some pressure off but just being cool and friendly. That helped her feel comfortable being at his place. Having cool wings is important because if you have some weird friend instead, she wouldn't have been comfortable messing around with me there.
As Nintendo had said on the phone, he disappeared after eating the taco.
Little LMR:
As soon as he left, we started making out and now that I was in a seduction location (to use the old MM terms) I didn't have to hold back . I really started to turn it on and we both started to get really into it. I dragged her to the couch and it was on.
Thinking back on this, I remembered the missed lays I had with those two girls that had been on my bed. Yeah, that sucked, but I felt more comfortable escalating here as a result of those screw ups.
She resisted a few times by saying she had to go really soon. I just reassured her. I threw out, "We shouldn't be doing this." That's the old nugget that you need to slow things down and/or throw out objections otherwise she'll do it.
The key thing is that while I wanted sex, I didn't need it. I can finally say I understand what this means. I struggled with this aspect of theory before. I remember her telling me to stop one point when I was touching her pussy. I pulled my hand back. I pulled back from the make out. As we held eye contact I said, "I don't want you to do anything that you're not comfortable with. We can leave at anytime." I know I said the later several times when she mentioned having to get back to the hotel.
You can throw out lines, but I can say I understand the non neediness for sex theory now because I actually felt this way. I had a good time and yeah I wanted to have sex. At the same time, I didn't need to have sex with her to feel like the night was validated or I was validated. I knew she was probably throwing out a token objection anyway, but I was cool with that and I was cool if she actually wanted to stop. What happened? Well, she just smiled and pulled me into her and initiated the make out.
I forgot about Andydufresne:
I won't go into any more detail about the sex. I'll say that there were signs that if we have a second encounter, sparks are really gonna fly. There were hints of that here but there was also the awkwardness of first time sex as well but I had a great time and she said she did as well.
I was lying on Nintendo's couch naked and had Fireworks in my arm when I heard a door opening. I thought it might be Nintendo's roommate, but he seems to never come out in the middle of the night when I've been there. I thought it might by Nintendo, but then I heard stair climbing. I then remembered that Andydufresne was temporarily staying in Nintendo's room. I pulled a couch pillow onto of me. Firework was embarassed and pulled a pillow in her face.
I saw Andydufresne's head appear as he ascended the final stairs. I started giggling. This is how it goes with PUA's. He walked in one me there and then shortly afterward, he walked into Nintendo's room to get on his temporary bed there and then saw a girl sleeping next to Nintendo. This is the PUA lifestlye.
Mixed emotions:
Firework had a good time. I could tell by the smile she had and the way she was holding my hand on the drive back. She also had to deal with societal pressure and even worse, she had to go back to a room full of several girls from the party who would lay their judgement upon her. She was anxious about this. She talked about it and apologized at the same time because she said she didn't want to make it sound like she didn't have a good time because she had enjoyed our adventure.
I told her my feelings on this. I said that I get it. I understand society pressure women in this way. I told her that she's a grown woman who can make her own choices. I told her there's nothing wrong about a woman liking sex and I don't judge. She said, "I told myself I didn't want to be 'that girl" tonight. I didn't want to be the girl in the bachelorette girl that ditched the group and went home with a guy."
I made light out of it. I said, "Hey, it could be worse. At least I'm cool. At least I'm not an asshole."
I suppose it's a bit cocky, but it's true. Some guys bang girls and then either purposely make them feel like trash or don't care if they make the girls feel like that. I actually am a nice guy. I believe in the light side of the game. I remember telling her at one point on the ride back, "I'd like to see you again, but I leave it up to you whether you want this to be a one time thing or if you'd like to see me again." She took my number there. I had her number, but this was good. I learned I had her correct number when she called my phone. It is possible that she could have drunkenly typed her number in wrong earlier and that would have been horrible. She would have thought I was blowing her off when I in fact do I want to see her again.
As we neared the hotel, we came up with some plan on what she'd say to her friends. I remember also saying that if her friends had parties till closing time (it was around 5am when I dropped her off), it wouldn't have been as a big of a deal that she was showing up at that time. I also said that yeah, they might judge her and girls do that but at the same time, it's nothing that each of those girls hasn't done before.
I really am a good guy?:
I put a question mark because I'll close this again by saying that's a big inner game realization. Sure, I know that but tonight really reinforced it on many ways. Because I decided to man up and be a closer, I helped create an awesome evening for both Firework and I. On top of that, while she loathed dealing with the judgement from her friend circle in the hotel room, she had to realize that she picked a nice guy to hook up with. I was empathetic to her plight and I'm really am nonjudgmental. A lot of guys would think she's a "slut." I don't view her in that negative light. I think she made a good choice in hooking up with me :) and I don't judge her for doing it so quickly. I'm a PUA and I want to hook up with girls fast and I have no problem with girls who do that, and that's whether it's with me, with other guys. I don't care if they do SNL's once in awhile or often. Women and men should enjoy sex.
While I often have doubted myself, this SNL really is going to help cement it in me that I'm a high value guy in many ways and I should never doubt myself when I'm out in the field. If I do things right, I really will give a girl a good, positive experience with me. By choding around or not being a closer, I'm depriving her of that experience. Even worse, she might end up getting pulled by some asshole or some loser instead, so I'm gonna be motivated to be a close even more now.
Nervous, not opening to SNL?! Part 1
Some nights you start out in massive state, ready to take on the world. That's how I felt Friday night and I'm gonna write a post about how having a cold helped put things in perspective for me this past week. Two Fridays ago, I had a good set that I felt I screwed up because I was in a negative space. Fast word back to last night (Saturday). Somehow, despite having a good night Friday and having a pull opportunity, I started off tonight feeling anxious. I blame staying up till 11am on Saturday and then running an extra mile which wore me off. I had told myself I should take it easy with my runs as I'm still not fully recovered from the cold, yet I somehow over did it.
Slow Start:
Nintendo and I decided to start off in River North. I sneaked into this bar, again. Once again, I saw Nintendo standing near the entrance. I saw an opportunity to skip the line arise. I can't really point it out to him; I have to teach him to look for the moves. It's so quiet that if I tell him to go in, the bouncer will hear me. I followed this group and the bouncer put up his clipboard to challenge me. I gave him a "Huh?" expression, and he asked me, "Are you with that group?" and I said yeah. I play it off so well. The venue was good but slow. Again, I was anxious and being solo and in a new bar that I just sneaked into isn't the best way to get momentum going. If it were busy, I could hit up sets but when it's slow I sometimes feel performance anxiety. Add to that a bunch of mixed sets and some stunning girls and I started to get inside my head.
The first step to getting moving is just to go back to what I started with as a newbie: I started opening guys. That helped. I ended up texting Nintendo and he was at the place right next to us and he had overheard a password to use for entry. I decided that it would just be more efficient to get with my wing man and try to push myself there. I regretted not opening, though. There were some stunners there, like seriously the best looking girls I've seen in like two weeks. 2j and even RSD Brad rave about Moe's Cantina but the girls here were even better.
Set opens despite shit opening:
I opened this two set at the second venue and did most of the things you could do wrong in an opening. I suppose this was a cause of what Tyler always said "The self is always shining through." I opened a seated two set with some opener I made up on the spot. I mumbled and stuttered in the opening and it made no sense, "Hey, is...err would my friend make a good Green Hornet. He's thinking about being the Green Hornet for Halloween. We're gonna be the Green Hornet and Kato Kailin (sic?)." That makes no sense at the sidekick is just named "Kato" and the Kato Kailin or whatever was OJ Simpson's live in guest. As I mumbled, the girls asked me to repeat the opener. It's funny because when you're a newbie, mumbling just gives the girls an excuse to back turn you or pretend she didn't hear you. Many times, girls will ask me to repeat the opener because I do most of the other stuff correctly: eye contact, body language, etc.
Nintendo said something and I repeated the opener and they still couldn't hear us. We laughed about it afterwards because the set ended up opening and Nintendo was actually hitting it off with one of the girls. The set got interrupted when two friends showed up. I was still in a bad state so I didn't say much and we left.
Fireworks and Nintendo:
I was choding out at the second venue too. We walked in and Nintendo and I were standing near the back. I pointed out a 2-set. I know it sometimes messes with his state when I do that. I told him that I was pointing it out because I wanted to open it yet I was having approach anxiety for some reason. I'll note that even in this poor state, it wasn't that gut wrenching or butterfly in the stomach feeling I'd get as a newbie. It was more like a lack of will power to open. It like my body turned into a rock and wouldn't move because I didn't want to open.
Chance would have it that he didn't open the set I was referring to which was this 2-set by a table. He opened this 2-set that turned out to be part of a big bachelorette set. I wasn't sure which one was his target as we were standing next to them and hadn't paired off. He was just talking but it wasn't clear which one he wanted. One girl was really talkative and the other was quiet.
She pulled out her phone and I saw fireworks on the screen. I used that as a reason to go over by her and start talking. Right when I closed the distance, the eye contact was better. It was clear she was a little drunk and also high buying temperature. She responded well to my touch and soon I had my arms on her hips as I was talking to her.
We kept talking and Nintendo wandered off. I decided to number close as this set was on and I figured the logistics were bad. We danced for a bit and there was a slight stall and she said, "I have to hang out with my friends." It was clear she liked me but I had her number and I knew she had to hang out with the party.
State kick started but still no approaching?
I went downstairs and I just couldn't open. I went back upstairs and started dancing. I stopped some cute girls walking in. I thought I was gonna approach but didn't. I hate to admit I was dancing at one point and this other bachelorette party was dancing near me. The bride-to-be starting dancing in front of me. Rather than have fun and use it to build state, I made eye contact, smiled and didn't do anything. Then I turned away.
I did open a few sets. I remember one girl blew me out and was trying to be too nice about doing it. I knew I wasn't in a good state and I knew she was busting me out because of it. She wasn't interested but she felt bad busting me out. I laughed and said I was fine. She couldn't know that I've taken tens of thousands of bust outs. Deep down I knew that in the right frame she would likely at least want to talk to me for a few minutes. I'll give her props for being a good girl at heart who doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Nintendo's up on an Irish girl, Andydufresne is with some girl so I'm basically alone:
I couldn't find Nintendo for awhile and in most of the venue I always have no cell signal anyway. I ran into him upstairs and he's right up on a girl. It looks like he's in a prime position to make out if he hadn't already done it. I always smile when I see wings or guys I know in that situation. I usually make eye contact and smile but I don't say anything as I don't want to interrupt the flow of the set. He tapped me on the shoulder as I walked by.
7-11 Break and Understanding the loss of momentum:
I danced a bit and then went to the 7-11 down the street. I used to get a glass of water and then tip a dollar. If there's a store close, which there are in most of the places we go to, and if the place has reentry, I'd rather just get a Diet Arizona Iced Tea for $1 plus tax. It's a big can and it's less than 15 calories and I feel refreshed.
I stood there sipping my tea and wondering how I could even have a day like this. I felt it was a lesson. I thought about how I had been sick all week again and I just smiled about how it was nice just to be out on the street on a warm Chicago night. I know that shitty weather isn't too far away so I need to just take pleasure in the little things like this. I also realized it was a lesson on how 2j and Nintendo were talking about momentum the other day. They were on a roll at one point and they said my side trip to 7-11 pulled them out of that state. They didn't blame me as they knew they could have went to a venue and I would have joined them.
While they were saying that, though, I had a hard time relating. When I'm out a lot like I have been the last few months, I almost never get into the massive state fluctuations these guys seem to experience. Sure, changing venues or getting an iced tea might slow my momentum, but I usually find it easy to just hit the club up again or hit street sets and boom, I'm back in the right state. Tonight, I felt like they must have felt. I was starting to get back to normal when I had that good 2-set with Nintendo. I stopped opening. I opened some more and danced and then I took this break.
Should I go home?:
Before I left for the 7-11 break, I saw Nintendo drag this blonde out of the club. He told me he had venue changed her. While I was sipping the tea, I got a text that he had gotten her to come over to his place. He said it was a soft pull meaning he wasn't heavily making out and likely to turn it into a fclose right away. A soft pull is a term we remember from Manwhore's podcasts. It means you get the girl to come over and watch a movie or have drinks and then you try to escalate there.
I know that shitty night happen to everyone and part of me just wanted to call it a night. It's okay to call it quits. The other part of me thought of the Tyler video. Tyler talks about hitting up the night all the way to the end because you never know what can happen. I thought about nights in the past where I wanted to quit yet I persevered and something good happened at the end. I had no idea that this was gonna be one of those memorable nights that really would hammer this lesson into my head.
As I finished my tea, I told myself that I could do this. I remembered how I used to force myself to approach and stick out the nights when I was a total newbie and had no wings and sucked at sarging. I thought about one night in Lion Head when I really was ready to cry yet I pulled myself together and had a fun night. I thought about when I was out solo and I ran into DJ R in Wrigley and turned a night similar to tonight into a make out and number close that turned into a Day 2. I also thought about how I would have loved to be out like this just 4 days ago when I was stuck in bed congested and feeling like total shit.
Creeping out girls for warm up:
I went back to the club. I danced for a bit and started opening. I even tried to stop a few moving sets. The moving sets are horrible when you are in a shit state. I felt creepy when I was doing it wrong but I didn't let it bother me. I remembered reading this Field Report talking about how Tyler was in this shit state on a boot camp here in Chicago in April 2011. Tyler had been busy working for two weeks and had zero momentum. He said part of his method for getting back into state was to just hit up set after set and get massive rejections. Looking at the girls eyes and boobies and the rejections themselves would turn on the right part of his brain and he'd gain momentum.
I felt the bust outs helping me. I remember thinking, "Of course. Rejection isn't so bad. How did I forget that just opening builds state and momentum? Oh yeah, I knew that but sometimes you just have to force yourself." I forced myself and while I didn't hook any sets, I felt better about myself.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Realizing and believing that my game is better with hotter girls
I remember reading early on in pickup theory that this stuff works best on the hotter girls. I remember even reading an old Tyler post half jokingly explaining how HB 6 game works. Despite having read this and believing it, I never fully internalized it, yet I feel like I'm close now to doing so. Thinking back on the last few weeks, I've had way better experiences at the better venues than in say Lincoln Park. That's not to say that some of the HB6's or 7's haven't responded me well. There was that one last Saturday that I could have pulled if I hadn't screwed up, for example.
I swear the the worst responses I've gotten were from average or below average girls. I understand the theory behind it. The reason can be similar to when I was approached one time several years ago. I didn't feel entitled to a cute girl approaching me so I acted dumb and basically busted her out. Nintendo and I talk about how when we're on, we like the guy equivalent of HB9's or 10's and the average girls have entitlement issues. The low self esteem girls can think we're just messing with them. This is why that Tyler post talks about giving the HB6's compliments (this was back during the Mystery Method days when compliments off the bad were thought of as super AFC's, and high up on the don't do list.)
Nintendo also made a point that made me realize that these average girls get approached a lot more than many of the hotter girls. Yes, super hot girls can get approached everywhere, but at the bar, if you look, the average ones are the ones getting approached the most. Thinking about it, I know it to be true because my cool wings often are intimidated about approached the really hot girls at the club. I've been there myself but fortunately I've started to break past that. Tyler says that the hot girls enjoy the "friendly and cool" game because they are so used to guys trying to qualify themselves or just act weird because the guys don't feel entitled the girls and can't act normal. Rather than being chill, the guys brains either make it so they can't say anything or they do dumb shit because their brain tells them they have to do something special to impress the girl.
We realized that a larger number of guys approaching the average girl can be "friendly and cool" so it doesn't stand out as much for the average girls as it does for the hot girls. Furthermore, Tyler made a point that it's a HB 7.5 who wishes she were a HB 10 that selects on dumb stuff like going for only hot guys. An HB 10 cares less about looks in general because she already can have good looking guys but just wants a cool guy because that's what's rare to her.
For these reasons, and maybe because I just feel more intent with girls I'm super attracted to, and maybe the challenges forces me to step up, I've had some really great responses lately with hotter girls. That's not to say I haven't screwed up, and also, some of the sets got screwed up by cockblock friends or bad logistics, but I'm starting to get reference experiences to go along with the theorizing above. I can think of many hot girls that gave me way better responses that average girls, and the rudest shit I've gotten were from average girls the past 10 days.
I'll add that 2j says that the classier, better looking girls are often more social adept so they are less obnoxious that a lot of these average girls that aren't confident.
With this realization, I'm going to try to stick to venues with hotter girls and I feel like I'll be more confident with them. With average girls, I'm gonna throw them more compliments and just notch up the physical game so I can screen them out faster if they aren't DTF.
I swear the the worst responses I've gotten were from average or below average girls. I understand the theory behind it. The reason can be similar to when I was approached one time several years ago. I didn't feel entitled to a cute girl approaching me so I acted dumb and basically busted her out. Nintendo and I talk about how when we're on, we like the guy equivalent of HB9's or 10's and the average girls have entitlement issues. The low self esteem girls can think we're just messing with them. This is why that Tyler post talks about giving the HB6's compliments (this was back during the Mystery Method days when compliments off the bad were thought of as super AFC's, and high up on the don't do list.)
Nintendo also made a point that made me realize that these average girls get approached a lot more than many of the hotter girls. Yes, super hot girls can get approached everywhere, but at the bar, if you look, the average ones are the ones getting approached the most. Thinking about it, I know it to be true because my cool wings often are intimidated about approached the really hot girls at the club. I've been there myself but fortunately I've started to break past that. Tyler says that the hot girls enjoy the "friendly and cool" game because they are so used to guys trying to qualify themselves or just act weird because the guys don't feel entitled the girls and can't act normal. Rather than being chill, the guys brains either make it so they can't say anything or they do dumb shit because their brain tells them they have to do something special to impress the girl.
We realized that a larger number of guys approaching the average girl can be "friendly and cool" so it doesn't stand out as much for the average girls as it does for the hot girls. Furthermore, Tyler made a point that it's a HB 7.5 who wishes she were a HB 10 that selects on dumb stuff like going for only hot guys. An HB 10 cares less about looks in general because she already can have good looking guys but just wants a cool guy because that's what's rare to her.
For these reasons, and maybe because I just feel more intent with girls I'm super attracted to, and maybe the challenges forces me to step up, I've had some really great responses lately with hotter girls. That's not to say I haven't screwed up, and also, some of the sets got screwed up by cockblock friends or bad logistics, but I'm starting to get reference experiences to go along with the theorizing above. I can think of many hot girls that gave me way better responses that average girls, and the rudest shit I've gotten were from average girls the past 10 days.
I'll add that 2j says that the classier, better looking girls are often more social adept so they are less obnoxious that a lot of these average girls that aren't confident.
With this realization, I'm going to try to stick to venues with hotter girls and I feel like I'll be more confident with them. With average girls, I'm gonna throw them more compliments and just notch up the physical game so I can screen them out faster if they aren't DTF.
Lessons on inner game and ego protection
Tonight, I went out after watching Tyler's set of videos
http://www.rsdnation.com/tyler/blog/4-new-vids-lets-get-it-emotional-ecosystems-transcending-environmental-hypnosis-advanced-
I really felt like I was going to have a breakthrough in terms of inner game. I realized that I could run that rat race making excuses of why I'm not good enough or I could end that now and believe that I am enough.
I went out Wednesday and I didn't really have any memorable sets. I had fun doing dumb shit when I was drunk like opening by holding my beer and saying, "Chode's night out." It shows that you can open with anything as that was opening sets. I ended the night with this last set on the street and I let some chode bust me out because I was in a bad frame and was a little tipsy. It made me not want to have any beers Thursday night.
Thursday, I watched Dark Knight Returns. I found myself thinking about the shooting and even watching as people walked in during the movie. I know I was being paranoid as that theater is right next to the Elk Grove Village Police Station so it's one of the last places someone would hit. I noticed a cop walk in halfway through the movie so the fear is out there. The movie was good and I'll probably see it again on the IMAX. I read that there is 78 minutes of IMAX footage. Had I known that, I would have seen it in IMAX, though I used reward points I didn't even know that i had to see the movie anyway, so it's not a waste.
We went out late so the Lion Head/The Apartment was in full swing by the time we got in. I got a little lost in the environment for a few minutes as I'm used to being warmed up by this time. I hit up some sets and I sensed these average looking English girls were high buying temperature. I kept trying to get Nintendo to agree to hit up the set again on the dance floor. He wouldn't do it and I didn't feel confident enough to do it. Later, I saw a dude making out with one of them so I was right they were high buying temperature and no guys approached them for like 30 minutes after we first approached.
The set of the night was this 2-set as we were walking to the car. One was this tall brunette with glasses who we both agreed was hot. The friend was this short girl with short hair, which I don't find attractive but she was decent.
Nintendo admits he was choding out for most of the night. He banged the Slovenian girl last night and hooked up with his regular girl tonight so he was both lazy and practicing ego protection. He admitted as much later and vowed to work on it. I was making an effort, but I wasn't believing fully as I planned on doing and I vow to do better.
Football analogy:
I kept using a football analogy. We were down a touchdown and we were making some safe plays and set to lose this game. At the end, we got a gift. It was the equivalent to a defender falling down. I threw up the hail mary pass to the end zone to Nintendo and he dropped it.
It's almost unbelieveable. The two girls were drunk and the hot one dropped her phone and Nintendo helped her. Then she wanted to talk to him and he kept wanting to walk away. For example, she asked his name, and he said, "Don't worry about it" and kept walking. The hard to get was working ,but that's not why he was doing it. I said to the girls, "Hey, we're going to Big City Tap."
The tall girl replied, "Yeah, so are we."
The huge IOI I noticed was that the short one said in a puzzled voice, "We are? Okay."
It was obvious that the tall girl wanted to come with because she was attracted to Nintendo. They crossed the street with us and we stopped and talked near where it turns out their car was parked. She dropped a piece of her phone again and Nintendo helped her and got some incidental kino by putting the phone in her pocket.
The short one said, "This is my car." Nintendo said, "Can you guys even drive?" The tall girl replied, "Can you even talk?"
I talked to the short one and then Nintendo said, "Let's go."
He must have said that about 7-8 times since we originally interacted with them. I must have said, "Big City Tap" like 5 times. I finally gave up when Nintendo started walking away. I said that I should have said, "You go, I'm staying and going to Big City" and that might have snapped him to reality.
Ego protection:
That's what his problem was and it was an almost unbelievable display of this. He realized that his ego wanted to take that little bit of positive reaction rather than following through with the set and risking getting rejected. He also said that he must have had entitlement issues as this girl was one of the top 2 hottest girls we saw all night.
I realized too that I was holding myself back tonight because of ego protection as well. It was that subtle way that I sometimes don't give a full effort. Sure, I'm opening and trying but part of me is holding back as a way to feel good about myself when getting rejected. I often have to fight this tendency. Of course, when I make a 100% effort, the results are better, but it still is sometimes hard to put myself on the line.
Nintendo felt real pain when he realized how he forced us to leave this set because of inner game issues and I said that pain should force him to do better next time. He also realized he was just wasting time making himself go out while tired on days like tonight and not giving a full effort. He realized it was no longer enough to just give himself credit for making it out, but he needs to give a 100% effort when he goes out now as well.
http://www.rsdnation.com/tyler/blog/4-new-vids-lets-get-it-emotional-ecosystems-transcending-environmental-hypnosis-advanced-
I really felt like I was going to have a breakthrough in terms of inner game. I realized that I could run that rat race making excuses of why I'm not good enough or I could end that now and believe that I am enough.
I went out Wednesday and I didn't really have any memorable sets. I had fun doing dumb shit when I was drunk like opening by holding my beer and saying, "Chode's night out." It shows that you can open with anything as that was opening sets. I ended the night with this last set on the street and I let some chode bust me out because I was in a bad frame and was a little tipsy. It made me not want to have any beers Thursday night.
Thursday, I watched Dark Knight Returns. I found myself thinking about the shooting and even watching as people walked in during the movie. I know I was being paranoid as that theater is right next to the Elk Grove Village Police Station so it's one of the last places someone would hit. I noticed a cop walk in halfway through the movie so the fear is out there. The movie was good and I'll probably see it again on the IMAX. I read that there is 78 minutes of IMAX footage. Had I known that, I would have seen it in IMAX, though I used reward points I didn't even know that i had to see the movie anyway, so it's not a waste.
We went out late so the Lion Head/The Apartment was in full swing by the time we got in. I got a little lost in the environment for a few minutes as I'm used to being warmed up by this time. I hit up some sets and I sensed these average looking English girls were high buying temperature. I kept trying to get Nintendo to agree to hit up the set again on the dance floor. He wouldn't do it and I didn't feel confident enough to do it. Later, I saw a dude making out with one of them so I was right they were high buying temperature and no guys approached them for like 30 minutes after we first approached.
The set of the night was this 2-set as we were walking to the car. One was this tall brunette with glasses who we both agreed was hot. The friend was this short girl with short hair, which I don't find attractive but she was decent.
Nintendo admits he was choding out for most of the night. He banged the Slovenian girl last night and hooked up with his regular girl tonight so he was both lazy and practicing ego protection. He admitted as much later and vowed to work on it. I was making an effort, but I wasn't believing fully as I planned on doing and I vow to do better.
Football analogy:
I kept using a football analogy. We were down a touchdown and we were making some safe plays and set to lose this game. At the end, we got a gift. It was the equivalent to a defender falling down. I threw up the hail mary pass to the end zone to Nintendo and he dropped it.
It's almost unbelieveable. The two girls were drunk and the hot one dropped her phone and Nintendo helped her. Then she wanted to talk to him and he kept wanting to walk away. For example, she asked his name, and he said, "Don't worry about it" and kept walking. The hard to get was working ,but that's not why he was doing it. I said to the girls, "Hey, we're going to Big City Tap."
The tall girl replied, "Yeah, so are we."
The huge IOI I noticed was that the short one said in a puzzled voice, "We are? Okay."
It was obvious that the tall girl wanted to come with because she was attracted to Nintendo. They crossed the street with us and we stopped and talked near where it turns out their car was parked. She dropped a piece of her phone again and Nintendo helped her and got some incidental kino by putting the phone in her pocket.
The short one said, "This is my car." Nintendo said, "Can you guys even drive?" The tall girl replied, "Can you even talk?"
I talked to the short one and then Nintendo said, "Let's go."
He must have said that about 7-8 times since we originally interacted with them. I must have said, "Big City Tap" like 5 times. I finally gave up when Nintendo started walking away. I said that I should have said, "You go, I'm staying and going to Big City" and that might have snapped him to reality.
Ego protection:
That's what his problem was and it was an almost unbelievable display of this. He realized that his ego wanted to take that little bit of positive reaction rather than following through with the set and risking getting rejected. He also said that he must have had entitlement issues as this girl was one of the top 2 hottest girls we saw all night.
I realized too that I was holding myself back tonight because of ego protection as well. It was that subtle way that I sometimes don't give a full effort. Sure, I'm opening and trying but part of me is holding back as a way to feel good about myself when getting rejected. I often have to fight this tendency. Of course, when I make a 100% effort, the results are better, but it still is sometimes hard to put myself on the line.
Nintendo felt real pain when he realized how he forced us to leave this set because of inner game issues and I said that pain should force him to do better next time. He also realized he was just wasting time making himself go out while tired on days like tonight and not giving a full effort. He realized it was no longer enough to just give himself credit for making it out, but he needs to give a 100% effort when he goes out now as well.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Kclose? & "I'm not going home with you"
Something I need to discuss with 2j is whether I should try the quick kiss closes with high buying temperature girls. I think the answer depends on my goals. For practice, I should go with Ozzie's saying. I can hear him from Transformations talking about how he has closed in less than a minute. I approached this girl with a nose ring in Wicker Park. She was drunk and high buying temperature. She was holding strong eye contact and because she was a little tipsy, she would sometimes lean in and her lips were like inches from me. The other side is that it's not really solid game to do that stuff. It's surprisingly easy to kiss girls sometimes but it doesn't mean anything else is going to happen. I think I need to just take the opportunities. I find myself getting a little hesitant to go for the kiss again so I probably should just drill it then I'm going to try to kiss close every set if I can again.
With that particular set, there were two other girls and this one friend in particular was a massive cockblock. She wouldn't really talk to me and 2j tried as well to no avail. She dragged my target away after a few minutes upon the first approach. I opened them again at the bar, and I think that's when I should have kissed her. If I had been making out with her, the cockblock might have been more uncomfortable trying to bust me out. I approached a 3rd time but I had grown weary of dealing with the cockblock that time and my girl had lost her enthusiasm for me it seemed.
We then switched venues to this busy club that we went to last week. There was an hour period where 2j and I didn't do anything. He did a half assed approached on this Asian girl that was hovering. The funny thing about her is that maybe I should have went for her later. She got all drunk near the end of the night and had gotten up on this cube that the go go girls dance on. She was dancing like a stripper: she was lifting up her dress and pull on her thong.
I happened to be in set with this tall girl. I actually hit it off well with this tall girl. I had approached and then just started dancing with her after just a name exchange and a few sentence conversation. The Asian girl had started this strip dance next to us and my girl asked me for a dollar. I shook my head and she asked this other guy who gave her two singles. She was giggling like crazy as she put the dollar on the Asian girl. At this point, the bouncer made the girl come down.
I went back on my girl and started to grind with her and stimulate her with my right leg.
"I'm gonna tell you something because...I'm actually a cool chick. I'm not gonna go home with you tonight... I'm on my period" she said.
I held eye contact the entire time she said this. I knew it was a shit test. My eye contact never waved through this. I cut her off and replied with a smile, "Hey, we are just having fun" and just continued grinding. She smiled as I passed the test, and I could see her get relaxed and seemed a bit more into the grinding. I think my answer was fine. I knew that she was getting turned on if she threw that out there. I might have changed my response after thinking of it. I think I might have said something like, "I'm flattered that you're thinking about going home with me, but we're just having fun now. That's something that just happens if both people want it, but right now, let's just have fun." Maybe that's too long of an answer and again, what I said was fine.
The only problem was that about two minutes later, her group left and she had to go with them. I guess I could have tried a last ditch effort and grabbed her and said, "I see you're friends are leaving. We're having fun. Just stay here and you can grab a cab later or I can drop you off." It was better than just letting her walk off.
More tall girl reference experience:
At closing time, I saw this 2-set walk by me as my college friend was closing his tab. The first girl was average but the second was this tall, thin brunette with a cute face. I stopped her and introduced myself. The friend had wandered down the bar, so she said, "I have to go" and walked off.
I turned to my friend. About 30 seconds later, I heard, "My name is Kelly (or whatever he name was.)" I had seen the girl I stopped walking back to me in my periphery so I knew it was her. I also knew that was a huge IOI. I must have stopped her properly and she found me attractive or she wouldn't have bothered opening me again. I was hoping my buddy would help so I introduced the average girl to my friend. He didn't say anything. What I should have done was just started plowing them with material or just got up on my girl, but I stalled for a few seconds and then the average girl lead them away. My girl replied, "We're looking for our friends." They were, but I could have made a better attempt to salvage it.
I just mention this because I need it to give me more experiences to draw upon when I'm not feeling confident with tall girls.
With that particular set, there were two other girls and this one friend in particular was a massive cockblock. She wouldn't really talk to me and 2j tried as well to no avail. She dragged my target away after a few minutes upon the first approach. I opened them again at the bar, and I think that's when I should have kissed her. If I had been making out with her, the cockblock might have been more uncomfortable trying to bust me out. I approached a 3rd time but I had grown weary of dealing with the cockblock that time and my girl had lost her enthusiasm for me it seemed.
We then switched venues to this busy club that we went to last week. There was an hour period where 2j and I didn't do anything. He did a half assed approached on this Asian girl that was hovering. The funny thing about her is that maybe I should have went for her later. She got all drunk near the end of the night and had gotten up on this cube that the go go girls dance on. She was dancing like a stripper: she was lifting up her dress and pull on her thong.
I happened to be in set with this tall girl. I actually hit it off well with this tall girl. I had approached and then just started dancing with her after just a name exchange and a few sentence conversation. The Asian girl had started this strip dance next to us and my girl asked me for a dollar. I shook my head and she asked this other guy who gave her two singles. She was giggling like crazy as she put the dollar on the Asian girl. At this point, the bouncer made the girl come down.
I went back on my girl and started to grind with her and stimulate her with my right leg.
"I'm gonna tell you something because...I'm actually a cool chick. I'm not gonna go home with you tonight... I'm on my period" she said.
I held eye contact the entire time she said this. I knew it was a shit test. My eye contact never waved through this. I cut her off and replied with a smile, "Hey, we are just having fun" and just continued grinding. She smiled as I passed the test, and I could see her get relaxed and seemed a bit more into the grinding. I think my answer was fine. I knew that she was getting turned on if she threw that out there. I might have changed my response after thinking of it. I think I might have said something like, "I'm flattered that you're thinking about going home with me, but we're just having fun now. That's something that just happens if both people want it, but right now, let's just have fun." Maybe that's too long of an answer and again, what I said was fine.
The only problem was that about two minutes later, her group left and she had to go with them. I guess I could have tried a last ditch effort and grabbed her and said, "I see you're friends are leaving. We're having fun. Just stay here and you can grab a cab later or I can drop you off." It was better than just letting her walk off.
More tall girl reference experience:
At closing time, I saw this 2-set walk by me as my college friend was closing his tab. The first girl was average but the second was this tall, thin brunette with a cute face. I stopped her and introduced myself. The friend had wandered down the bar, so she said, "I have to go" and walked off.
I turned to my friend. About 30 seconds later, I heard, "My name is Kelly (or whatever he name was.)" I had seen the girl I stopped walking back to me in my periphery so I knew it was her. I also knew that was a huge IOI. I must have stopped her properly and she found me attractive or she wouldn't have bothered opening me again. I was hoping my buddy would help so I introduced the average girl to my friend. He didn't say anything. What I should have done was just started plowing them with material or just got up on my girl, but I stalled for a few seconds and then the average girl lead them away. My girl replied, "We're looking for our friends." They were, but I could have made a better attempt to salvage it.
I just mention this because I need it to give me more experiences to draw upon when I'm not feeling confident with tall girls.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Feeling like the AFC that girls don't like
Tonight I had several down moments and even as I begin writing this post, I can feel my eyes welling up with tears. It embarrassing to feel this way, to allow myself to end up in a thought loop that allows such thoughts, and to still dwell on the thoughts at this late hour. 2j said when you have a bad night, it's natural to feel down and get into this negative mind space.
Now, I'm giggling because I thought about the movie analogy I thought up as we were waiting for our double date Day 2's to show up. Swingers is one of my favorite movies. I said that I was like Mikey in Swingers today, and as I write this, the analogy is even more true. This Day 2 was a beach outing with the girls I sarged while waiting for the bus on Tuesday. Recall that I number closed a Slovenian girl who I'll call "Orz" now. She and her roommate and friend from home who I will now call "Jordan" also share a phone. Since I had to text Jordan to reach Orz anyway, Nintendo and I both agreed it would be best to meet them together on the Day 2.
On Saturday, we had planned to meet up around 3pm, but then in the evening, he said he had to work and at that job, he's never sure exactly when he was getting up. We set up a 6pm meet up, but then around noon, Nintendo text me that he was getting off early and asked if we should set up an earlier meet. He set up a 4pm meet which I thought we had plenty of time to make. The problem was that I had to dropped off my FB and then cross the city diagonally in a way that there's no fast expressway route. The whole time I was sweating being late as I managed to start things off wrong by catching a train near my house. My FB could see I was stressed and I somewhat felt guilty cause I was stressed cause I didn't want to be late for this Day 2.
Here's where it makes sense that I was Mikey from Swingers. I was stressed the whole time and Nintendo was telling me to chill and not worry about it. He said if we were late, we were late. It was a contrast to how we were feeling Tuesday. Nintendo was all stressed about dropping off the car and being late to meet our wings at the beach and I was having a good time and telling him to be positive. I explained that I'm usually chill and I hate having appointments; my life is set up the way it is so I usually don't have to get up at a set time or be anywhere at a set time. I guess I wanted this Day 2 to work well too badly, and perhaps that part of the reason it didn't turn out well. I felt like I was like Mikey in Swingers when he's complaining and overanalyzing everything. What I didn't plan on happening was that I was gonna turn into the whiner bitch Mikey is at one point in the movie when the Rob Livingston character has to come cheer him up.
To my credit, I'm not gonna hide at my place and feel depressed for a few days. I'll get over it by tomorrow. Like Mikey, I have good wings/friends. 2j was great on the phone. He happened to call me when we were just leaving the beach and I was really in a low state. Nintendo also tried to give me words of wisdom and he felt bad because he had a small role in my state of mind, as I'll explain in a bit.
Trent and Mikey in the trailer:
The girls would sometimes speak to each other in their language. They weren't too obnoxious about it and usually would tell us what they were saying. A few times, they said a few things to each other about us to let each other know the situation. Nintendo and I had code words. It's funny, Nintendo was just throwing out game terms that of course made no sense to the girls, and I made Swingers references and used PUA names and referenced stories. For example, I said I was like Tyler with Mystery and Style. I was referring to the part in the game where Tyler acts all weird around the girls and Style steals his girl. Later, I said the situation was like Mikey and Trent in the trailer.
Nintendo was similar to Trent today. He was being a fun party guy. To my credit, I wasn't being an AFC. I was doing okay, but my game is just never super physically dominant or high energy. I felt like I did a few fun things, but my game is mostly stories and making a rapport connection. I had joked that I needed to dunk a girl in the water or splash them, and I failed to do this. Part of the reason was that my target, Jordan, would not go in the water. Both girls initially didn't want to go in the water. Jordan was also refusing to drink at the beginning but after an hour or so, she decided to get drunk.
There was this moment where Nintendo started showing Orz some Salsa dancing moves right by the water, and then he slowly got her into the water. If I remember correctly, as I was a bit tipsy at this point, he started to drag her physically into the water. He had isolation with her and Jordan and I were sitting on the beach near the water. We started to talk, and I started to kino escalate by putting my arm around her. She was cool with it initially, but then she moved my arm off. She seemed to feel bad that she was withdrawing from me, but she also fed me some BS about how girls from their country like the take things slower. I don't think I acted deflated at the point.
After that, the girls ended up by the cooler and Nintendo and I were talking. He asked me what was up and I said that the girl didn't like me. I had tried to escalate to no avail. Here, Nintendo was trying to give me a advice to steer things, but in retrospect, I think I let it put me in a worse state. He had a point too. I was telling him we should get some food because the plan was to go to the beach and then around sunset, get some food and hang out at his place. His plan was to play it by ear which had some merit, but in the end, I think we should have moved things along sooner as we ended the night so late at his place that he was falling asleep anyway.
Nintendo said that I was being Mikey again because instead of just having fun, I was worrying about venue changing. He said we should just chill and keep going at the beach. While I think the venue change off the beach was a good idea, he's right that often I should just chill.
Don't kino escalate both girls:
This was a mistake that Nintendo felt really badly about afterward. Right after our talk, he tried to pump Jordan's state by grabbing her and carrying her into the water. She was bitching about it, but of course she liked it. I knew it was the right move to do something like that. I wasn't sure if I could carry her and I know if I didn't do it in the right state or frame of mind, it would be creepy so I elected not to do it. She loved it of course, and I later learned that she got so turn on that she kissed him as he was holding her over the water.
Well, fuck, that explains some of the reaction I got later. Now, this makes him sound like a dick, but he wasn't thinking, he was just acting and trying to be fun. It seems like we'd have some balance if I took some of his spontaneity in exchange for giving him some of my analytical side it terms of game.
Jordan just broke up with a guy:
After the water incident, I got isolation with Jordan by our stuff. She was complaining about her wet t-shirt, which I made a joke out of that got a giggle from her (I add this bit because I need to remind myself that I made a few jokes; I need to remind myself that I wasn't being the AFC that my negative side wants to paint me). I lent her my shirt and she started wandering down the beach. Orz and Nintendo were up on each other and talking so I decided to give them some space.
Part of me didn't want to follow as I was already feeling deflated, but I knew that action is always the answer as Jeffy says. I could have just stayed away, but I decided to catch up with her and talk. I caught up to her and told her that I was giving Nintendo and Orz some space as they were hitting it off. I walked with her a bit but then she told me that she wanted to be alone. She said she had a lot of things on her mind. I asked her what it was as she could tell me. She said, "You Americans like to talk about all your problems. We're not as comfortable doing that." I pressed her and she said she was thinking about a guy who's in Tennessee. Then, she told me she didn't want to talk and told me she was going to walk one way and I should walk the other way.
This would lead to the state I'm going to describe in the section below. This section is title as it is because Nintendo told me as we were walking to the car that he asked Orz, "What up with your friend? Why is she action weird?" Orz said that Jordan had recently broken up with a guy. I suppose that explains some things, yet the kiss situation with Nintendo means that if I had been more physically dominant and been a little cooler, then her situation wouldn't have mattered.
Enjoying a lake front moment as I'm about to cry:
I swear that I felt like I was about to cry. I'm sure the alcohol had some effect, but this situation just triggered my insecurities in the right way to almost send me back in time. I felt like I had felt so many times in the past before I learned to sarge. Tyler described being in these situations all the time as he was a teenager as well. I mention that as it thinking about motivates me because it makes me realize that some these Master PUA's/Instructors went through this same BS. Tyler mentioned in Transformations and in his field reports from the time period that he had several situations where he lost a girl to another guy and just felt defeated. The last time I felt like I did tonight was over a year ago when these two Latina sisters could get into Joe's and then I met them across the street and just as I walked in, some guy had her pressed up against the wall and was about to kiss her.
While Nintendo wasn't stealing my girl, Orz wanting Nintendo and Jordan telling me to walk away just made me feel like I always did as an AFC. That was when I never got the girls. Like Tyler, if there were a group a girls meeting up with my AFC friends in the past, I would never be the guy that would be liked. Girls might pair off or like one or two guys, but I would NEVER get the girls.
As I was standing by the water, I felt exposed. I didn't think of it at the time, but I think about it now like Superman kryptonite. I felt like I had no PUA powers. I felt sad because it felt more than just not getting the girl. My negative mind felt, "All these years and sacrifices to develop my PUA skills, and here I am the same AFC I was before I learned any of this."
As I was feeling this, I would occasionally crack a smile:
All this was possible because of me.
Nintendo did not want to open this set as he was in a negative state that day with all the rental car and bus stop BS. I remember pointing out the set and he was like, "Naw" and he sat right down next to his cousin. Completely sober at the time, I started talking to these girls. When the bus came, I sat down next to them and continued the conversation. I number closed them. While Nintendo did some of the planning today, I text them on Friday with a general text and they responded to me enthusiastically asking about Sunday. I text them Saturday when I found out Nintendo had been lazy about setting up the actual details about Sunday.
As I was wallowing in self pity, I also realize I was being overly negative. There I was in perfect weather, on the beach just after sunset. If it weren't for meeting these girls and being on this Day 2, I would have missed the moment I was having. With all these emotions racing through me, part of me was also just enjoying standing there in knee deep water just gazing at the lake. Also,we were there with two cute girls and I had given my best shot. Yes, I could have done things better, but I am who I am. 2j said I can learn to be more physicall dominant and I've written that I'm working on that. 2j also said it was natural to feel negative when you just got rejected.
2j, "It's just one girl."
He sent me that text later in response to some text I sent after I got off the phone. Now, I can talk about what he said on the phone. I wrote above that 2j happened to call me as we were leaving the beach. Jordan was having problems with her shoe and I took the call as the three of them were working on fixing it. I gave 2j a brief summary of what was going on and told him how I felt so shitty.
First of all, he said that it's better to set up a one on one Day 2 as opposed to this double date. I still think this double date was a good idea because of the phone situation. This feels like it's a unique situation with these girls but perhaps I should have just try to set something up solo. 2j said I wouldn't have worried about being eclipsed by the other guy if it had been one on one. 2j acknowledged that Nintendo is loud and might have been more dominant here, but he said that when we're out in the field, I hold my own in our sets. He told me to learn what I can from it though and work on leading more/ being more dominant.
I have made a bigger deal of this situation that was warranted. I truly have been having a Mikey day. I get rejected all the time and so does Nintendo, 2j, and yes, even Tyler, Mystery, etc. Rejection is a huge part of this game. I know that and my wings have said that I take it better than anyone else. It is one girl. Eastern European girls are known for being especially turned on by physically dominant men: I remember RSD Brad making this point on the free tour last year. Okay, my game didn't work here. It might have worked if we had met them a few weeks later when the sting of her break up had passed. Some girls want to fuck right after a break up, but Nintendo also said that Orz told him that Jordan has a hard time trusting guys after this last break up. Maybe if Nintendo went for this girl, he could have fucked her. Who knows? I'm the one who agreed to this set up. Nintendo had suggested the switch as Tuesday, I initially wanted Orz as I had talked to her more that Jordan, yet he wanted it the other way. I agreed to switch, and when he saw the two girls in their bikini's, it was obvious Jordan was more attractive, and he joked about switching back. I wanted to stay on Jordan, so he agreed as it was my set after all.
The point is, there were many things out of my control, including the level of dominance in my game. I can work on improving that, but I shouldn't beat myself up over this as much as I have.
The narrative that was true as an AFC is absolutely not the one that plays out now. It's amazing how negative your thoughts can get, especially when you keep indulging them. On the ride home, I was thinking about this past week. It has been a blast. I had some crazy encounters. I've surely grown. Besides that, there were sets were Nintendo was the one rejected and I was not. Even at the beach, I thought of the Willow set, but my mind didn't want to give it much credit as my girl was fat, but I know that one can get rejected by fatties too. On Monday, the blonde in the second venue was really into me, and Nintendo's girl had walked away and dragged the set. My negative mind wants to say, "Big deal, that was early in the set."
I can keep making excuse if I want to be negative, but I've indulged them enough in this massively long post. I feel better having written this though. I feel like this is one of those posts that really give me value as I've sorted through my thoughts.
Maybe I'll play out the Mikey at the end of the movie?
I'll close on a positive note. I wrote about how I was the whiner Mikey today. I was the Mikey in the trailer talking to his girl while Trent is ready to bang his girl. I was the Mikey locked up in his place all depressed. Maybe I can learn from today and be the Mikey at the end of the film. I can be the Mikey that gets it all together one night. Maybe I'll massively hit it off with some HB9. Instead of Trent and Sue commenting about it in the background, maybe I'll have 2j and Nintendo watching in awe.
I'll give it my best shot!
Now, I'm giggling because I thought about the movie analogy I thought up as we were waiting for our double date Day 2's to show up. Swingers is one of my favorite movies. I said that I was like Mikey in Swingers today, and as I write this, the analogy is even more true. This Day 2 was a beach outing with the girls I sarged while waiting for the bus on Tuesday. Recall that I number closed a Slovenian girl who I'll call "Orz" now. She and her roommate and friend from home who I will now call "Jordan" also share a phone. Since I had to text Jordan to reach Orz anyway, Nintendo and I both agreed it would be best to meet them together on the Day 2.
On Saturday, we had planned to meet up around 3pm, but then in the evening, he said he had to work and at that job, he's never sure exactly when he was getting up. We set up a 6pm meet up, but then around noon, Nintendo text me that he was getting off early and asked if we should set up an earlier meet. He set up a 4pm meet which I thought we had plenty of time to make. The problem was that I had to dropped off my FB and then cross the city diagonally in a way that there's no fast expressway route. The whole time I was sweating being late as I managed to start things off wrong by catching a train near my house. My FB could see I was stressed and I somewhat felt guilty cause I was stressed cause I didn't want to be late for this Day 2.
Here's where it makes sense that I was Mikey from Swingers. I was stressed the whole time and Nintendo was telling me to chill and not worry about it. He said if we were late, we were late. It was a contrast to how we were feeling Tuesday. Nintendo was all stressed about dropping off the car and being late to meet our wings at the beach and I was having a good time and telling him to be positive. I explained that I'm usually chill and I hate having appointments; my life is set up the way it is so I usually don't have to get up at a set time or be anywhere at a set time. I guess I wanted this Day 2 to work well too badly, and perhaps that part of the reason it didn't turn out well. I felt like I was like Mikey in Swingers when he's complaining and overanalyzing everything. What I didn't plan on happening was that I was gonna turn into the whiner bitch Mikey is at one point in the movie when the Rob Livingston character has to come cheer him up.
To my credit, I'm not gonna hide at my place and feel depressed for a few days. I'll get over it by tomorrow. Like Mikey, I have good wings/friends. 2j was great on the phone. He happened to call me when we were just leaving the beach and I was really in a low state. Nintendo also tried to give me words of wisdom and he felt bad because he had a small role in my state of mind, as I'll explain in a bit.
Trent and Mikey in the trailer:
The girls would sometimes speak to each other in their language. They weren't too obnoxious about it and usually would tell us what they were saying. A few times, they said a few things to each other about us to let each other know the situation. Nintendo and I had code words. It's funny, Nintendo was just throwing out game terms that of course made no sense to the girls, and I made Swingers references and used PUA names and referenced stories. For example, I said I was like Tyler with Mystery and Style. I was referring to the part in the game where Tyler acts all weird around the girls and Style steals his girl. Later, I said the situation was like Mikey and Trent in the trailer.
Nintendo was similar to Trent today. He was being a fun party guy. To my credit, I wasn't being an AFC. I was doing okay, but my game is just never super physically dominant or high energy. I felt like I did a few fun things, but my game is mostly stories and making a rapport connection. I had joked that I needed to dunk a girl in the water or splash them, and I failed to do this. Part of the reason was that my target, Jordan, would not go in the water. Both girls initially didn't want to go in the water. Jordan was also refusing to drink at the beginning but after an hour or so, she decided to get drunk.
There was this moment where Nintendo started showing Orz some Salsa dancing moves right by the water, and then he slowly got her into the water. If I remember correctly, as I was a bit tipsy at this point, he started to drag her physically into the water. He had isolation with her and Jordan and I were sitting on the beach near the water. We started to talk, and I started to kino escalate by putting my arm around her. She was cool with it initially, but then she moved my arm off. She seemed to feel bad that she was withdrawing from me, but she also fed me some BS about how girls from their country like the take things slower. I don't think I acted deflated at the point.
After that, the girls ended up by the cooler and Nintendo and I were talking. He asked me what was up and I said that the girl didn't like me. I had tried to escalate to no avail. Here, Nintendo was trying to give me a advice to steer things, but in retrospect, I think I let it put me in a worse state. He had a point too. I was telling him we should get some food because the plan was to go to the beach and then around sunset, get some food and hang out at his place. His plan was to play it by ear which had some merit, but in the end, I think we should have moved things along sooner as we ended the night so late at his place that he was falling asleep anyway.
Nintendo said that I was being Mikey again because instead of just having fun, I was worrying about venue changing. He said we should just chill and keep going at the beach. While I think the venue change off the beach was a good idea, he's right that often I should just chill.
Don't kino escalate both girls:
This was a mistake that Nintendo felt really badly about afterward. Right after our talk, he tried to pump Jordan's state by grabbing her and carrying her into the water. She was bitching about it, but of course she liked it. I knew it was the right move to do something like that. I wasn't sure if I could carry her and I know if I didn't do it in the right state or frame of mind, it would be creepy so I elected not to do it. She loved it of course, and I later learned that she got so turn on that she kissed him as he was holding her over the water.
Well, fuck, that explains some of the reaction I got later. Now, this makes him sound like a dick, but he wasn't thinking, he was just acting and trying to be fun. It seems like we'd have some balance if I took some of his spontaneity in exchange for giving him some of my analytical side it terms of game.
Jordan just broke up with a guy:
After the water incident, I got isolation with Jordan by our stuff. She was complaining about her wet t-shirt, which I made a joke out of that got a giggle from her (I add this bit because I need to remind myself that I made a few jokes; I need to remind myself that I wasn't being the AFC that my negative side wants to paint me). I lent her my shirt and she started wandering down the beach. Orz and Nintendo were up on each other and talking so I decided to give them some space.
Part of me didn't want to follow as I was already feeling deflated, but I knew that action is always the answer as Jeffy says. I could have just stayed away, but I decided to catch up with her and talk. I caught up to her and told her that I was giving Nintendo and Orz some space as they were hitting it off. I walked with her a bit but then she told me that she wanted to be alone. She said she had a lot of things on her mind. I asked her what it was as she could tell me. She said, "You Americans like to talk about all your problems. We're not as comfortable doing that." I pressed her and she said she was thinking about a guy who's in Tennessee. Then, she told me she didn't want to talk and told me she was going to walk one way and I should walk the other way.
This would lead to the state I'm going to describe in the section below. This section is title as it is because Nintendo told me as we were walking to the car that he asked Orz, "What up with your friend? Why is she action weird?" Orz said that Jordan had recently broken up with a guy. I suppose that explains some things, yet the kiss situation with Nintendo means that if I had been more physically dominant and been a little cooler, then her situation wouldn't have mattered.
Enjoying a lake front moment as I'm about to cry:
I swear that I felt like I was about to cry. I'm sure the alcohol had some effect, but this situation just triggered my insecurities in the right way to almost send me back in time. I felt like I had felt so many times in the past before I learned to sarge. Tyler described being in these situations all the time as he was a teenager as well. I mention that as it thinking about motivates me because it makes me realize that some these Master PUA's/Instructors went through this same BS. Tyler mentioned in Transformations and in his field reports from the time period that he had several situations where he lost a girl to another guy and just felt defeated. The last time I felt like I did tonight was over a year ago when these two Latina sisters could get into Joe's and then I met them across the street and just as I walked in, some guy had her pressed up against the wall and was about to kiss her.
While Nintendo wasn't stealing my girl, Orz wanting Nintendo and Jordan telling me to walk away just made me feel like I always did as an AFC. That was when I never got the girls. Like Tyler, if there were a group a girls meeting up with my AFC friends in the past, I would never be the guy that would be liked. Girls might pair off or like one or two guys, but I would NEVER get the girls.
As I was standing by the water, I felt exposed. I didn't think of it at the time, but I think about it now like Superman kryptonite. I felt like I had no PUA powers. I felt sad because it felt more than just not getting the girl. My negative mind felt, "All these years and sacrifices to develop my PUA skills, and here I am the same AFC I was before I learned any of this."
As I was feeling this, I would occasionally crack a smile:
All this was possible because of me.
Nintendo did not want to open this set as he was in a negative state that day with all the rental car and bus stop BS. I remember pointing out the set and he was like, "Naw" and he sat right down next to his cousin. Completely sober at the time, I started talking to these girls. When the bus came, I sat down next to them and continued the conversation. I number closed them. While Nintendo did some of the planning today, I text them on Friday with a general text and they responded to me enthusiastically asking about Sunday. I text them Saturday when I found out Nintendo had been lazy about setting up the actual details about Sunday.
As I was wallowing in self pity, I also realize I was being overly negative. There I was in perfect weather, on the beach just after sunset. If it weren't for meeting these girls and being on this Day 2, I would have missed the moment I was having. With all these emotions racing through me, part of me was also just enjoying standing there in knee deep water just gazing at the lake. Also,we were there with two cute girls and I had given my best shot. Yes, I could have done things better, but I am who I am. 2j said I can learn to be more physicall dominant and I've written that I'm working on that. 2j also said it was natural to feel negative when you just got rejected.
2j, "It's just one girl."
He sent me that text later in response to some text I sent after I got off the phone. Now, I can talk about what he said on the phone. I wrote above that 2j happened to call me as we were leaving the beach. Jordan was having problems with her shoe and I took the call as the three of them were working on fixing it. I gave 2j a brief summary of what was going on and told him how I felt so shitty.
First of all, he said that it's better to set up a one on one Day 2 as opposed to this double date. I still think this double date was a good idea because of the phone situation. This feels like it's a unique situation with these girls but perhaps I should have just try to set something up solo. 2j said I wouldn't have worried about being eclipsed by the other guy if it had been one on one. 2j acknowledged that Nintendo is loud and might have been more dominant here, but he said that when we're out in the field, I hold my own in our sets. He told me to learn what I can from it though and work on leading more/ being more dominant.
I have made a bigger deal of this situation that was warranted. I truly have been having a Mikey day. I get rejected all the time and so does Nintendo, 2j, and yes, even Tyler, Mystery, etc. Rejection is a huge part of this game. I know that and my wings have said that I take it better than anyone else. It is one girl. Eastern European girls are known for being especially turned on by physically dominant men: I remember RSD Brad making this point on the free tour last year. Okay, my game didn't work here. It might have worked if we had met them a few weeks later when the sting of her break up had passed. Some girls want to fuck right after a break up, but Nintendo also said that Orz told him that Jordan has a hard time trusting guys after this last break up. Maybe if Nintendo went for this girl, he could have fucked her. Who knows? I'm the one who agreed to this set up. Nintendo had suggested the switch as Tuesday, I initially wanted Orz as I had talked to her more that Jordan, yet he wanted it the other way. I agreed to switch, and when he saw the two girls in their bikini's, it was obvious Jordan was more attractive, and he joked about switching back. I wanted to stay on Jordan, so he agreed as it was my set after all.
The point is, there were many things out of my control, including the level of dominance in my game. I can work on improving that, but I shouldn't beat myself up over this as much as I have.
The narrative that was true as an AFC is absolutely not the one that plays out now. It's amazing how negative your thoughts can get, especially when you keep indulging them. On the ride home, I was thinking about this past week. It has been a blast. I had some crazy encounters. I've surely grown. Besides that, there were sets were Nintendo was the one rejected and I was not. Even at the beach, I thought of the Willow set, but my mind didn't want to give it much credit as my girl was fat, but I know that one can get rejected by fatties too. On Monday, the blonde in the second venue was really into me, and Nintendo's girl had walked away and dragged the set. My negative mind wants to say, "Big deal, that was early in the set."
I can keep making excuse if I want to be negative, but I've indulged them enough in this massively long post. I feel better having written this though. I feel like this is one of those posts that really give me value as I've sorted through my thoughts.
Maybe I'll play out the Mikey at the end of the movie?
I'll close on a positive note. I wrote about how I was the whiner Mikey today. I was the Mikey in the trailer talking to his girl while Trent is ready to bang his girl. I was the Mikey locked up in his place all depressed. Maybe I can learn from today and be the Mikey at the end of the film. I can be the Mikey that gets it all together one night. Maybe I'll massively hit it off with some HB9. Instead of Trent and Sue commenting about it in the background, maybe I'll have 2j and Nintendo watching in awe.
I'll give it my best shot!
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