I met up with 2j at the dollar burger place. Instead of eating, I drank 3 beers and I ended up getting really drunk after I took down dollar beers at the second place. 2j had met some girl at Joe's when he went out solo and she had brought out this cute blonde friend. I was able to entertain the friend, but I asked 2j what I was supposed to do to try to get with her. The answer is that I probably should have flirted more and maybe asked her, "Are you single" to gauge her receptiveness to meeting up again.
We went to this dollar beer place after those girls left. I was all wasted and was opening sets like crazy. 2j seemed to be out of state, and I say some of it was due to being sober. It was a lot easier to open drunk girls when I also was drunk. 2j ended up leaving early and I talked to this slightly chubby but cute girl with glasses. I don't remember exactly what I said except that I remember she was from Boston. She seemed into me but kept metioning that she had a boyfriend and wanted to be good.
It's so funny how this didn't stop her from kissing me several times.
I suppose I can say I've made a lot of progress in my game when I get frustrated that I'm kissing and making out with girls yet I get frustrated that I can't pull. I remember when I used to think that getting a kiss close was some huge accomplisment. After my girlfriend break from the game, I felt happy to get my first make out several weeks ago, but I don't feel like I really did anything unless I've pulled the girl and hooked up with her.
The drunken lesson today was that it really isn't that hard to make out with girls. I probably move a little too slowly sometimes when I'm sober. I'll try to remember from tonight that if the girl is comfortable with me having my arms around her hips and being up on her, she probably gonna be cool with us making out pretty quickly. I remember holding this girl in my arms and then her telling me that she had a boyfriend, yet I just leaned forward and she wanted to kiss me.
I also remember that this girl was like the one from Saturday. Closing time came and the light came on. I tried suggested we go to another bar and she told me to take her number. I remember telling Fatty that girls don't often offer their number, but it's happened twice to me this week. I'm not looking for phone numbers, though I'll try to make something out of the ones I do get. I'm looking for make outs and pulls.
Thinking back on this set, I'm thinking maybe I should have talked to her cousin more and tried to push going to Spy Bar or Big City for after hours. I feel like I didn't push it enough and I didn't really talk to the friend enough to try to make it happen.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Dance floor opening isn't that hard
I went out Tuesday to this suburban beer garden place that I went to for years. I haven't been there since last summer, when 2j was out in Vegas. I met up with DJ R and one of his buddies. We opened a bunch of sets. The one lesson I took home that night was that opening on the dance floor isn't that hard. I just got out there, dance by the girls and the sets opened. The first set was really on, but I failed the shit test about buying them a drink. Instead of just answering with a witty comeback, I should have ignored the question and plowed through.
I probably could have made out and possibly hooked up with this large blonde but I wasn't interested. I was more interested in her friend who had a matching white dress. She was this little redhead but I couldn't seem to get anywhere with her.
I probably could have made out and possibly hooked up with this large blonde but I wasn't interested. I was more interested in her friend who had a matching white dress. She was this little redhead but I couldn't seem to get anywhere with her.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Lead and persist from beginning to end
Had a phone debriefing with 2j tonight. He said he was trying to think why he automatically started talking to the girl I had opened, and he said he realized it was his natural instinct. He said he could tell she was ready to fuck and feared that I was likely to waste the set. He knew that I had opened it and I told him that it ended up being beneficial as it forced me to step up. He also explained that he didn't mean to try to take over the set, it was just a natural instinct and he knew it was my set since I opened it. I went on to say that I know how to get girl's attention off other guys but I only have a few ways to pump a girl's state, but the rest involve AMOGing which I don't want to do with my own wing.
His read of the situation was that he wouldn't have gone to the coffee shop. He would have just tried to get her to get in a cab and tried to pull. As things went, he said that my mistake is what it usually is in set, that I fail to lead the interaction at some point. So, it's what I wrote yesterday. The mistake I made in the set with this blonde at Moe's is the same then as I made here, I just made the mistake at a late stage here and I was close to a lay in this case. He said that yeah, I should have hopped in the cab when she hailed it.
Of course, I knew that was a move, I was just hesitant to take it. There's an old PUA saying, "He who hesitates, masturbates." As the title of this entry says, you have to lead and be persistent all the way from the open to the close, and by close, I mean actually sticking it in the girl.
I think back to the few pulls I've had, and I'm talking about when I actually got the girl over to my place or got to the girl's place. The consistent theme is that I believe in my head that it was gonna happen and I kept taking steps to make it happen. 2j said it's hard to have a set plan on these pulls, you gotta be flexible. I added that the plan is just to takes steps that move you towards the lay and jusst being persistent. I know for next time that if I'm lost on what to do, I just have to choose an option and lead towards that outcome and believe that I can calibrate what the right move is.
I wrote that I felt lost after the coffee shop yesterday, which I did, but deep down I had a feeling what the right move is. As I told myself with opening, I have to trust and believe in myself and make it happen.
His read of the situation was that he wouldn't have gone to the coffee shop. He would have just tried to get her to get in a cab and tried to pull. As things went, he said that my mistake is what it usually is in set, that I fail to lead the interaction at some point. So, it's what I wrote yesterday. The mistake I made in the set with this blonde at Moe's is the same then as I made here, I just made the mistake at a late stage here and I was close to a lay in this case. He said that yeah, I should have hopped in the cab when she hailed it.
Of course, I knew that was a move, I was just hesitant to take it. There's an old PUA saying, "He who hesitates, masturbates." As the title of this entry says, you have to lead and be persistent all the way from the open to the close, and by close, I mean actually sticking it in the girl.
I think back to the few pulls I've had, and I'm talking about when I actually got the girl over to my place or got to the girl's place. The consistent theme is that I believe in my head that it was gonna happen and I kept taking steps to make it happen. 2j said it's hard to have a set plan on these pulls, you gotta be flexible. I added that the plan is just to takes steps that move you towards the lay and jusst being persistent. I know for next time that if I'm lost on what to do, I just have to choose an option and lead towards that outcome and believe that I can calibrate what the right move is.
I wrote that I felt lost after the coffee shop yesterday, which I did, but deep down I had a feeling what the right move is. As I told myself with opening, I have to trust and believe in myself and make it happen.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Street pickup that probably should have been a pull
I'll start of by saying that what I wrote on Thursday has really helped me out. I've adjusted some minor things the past two days: for example, I recognized that I talk softer when I talk to women and that's why they can't hear me, and I realized that when I'd kino, I'd do it in a way that was basically asking "Can I touch here" instead of touching her a like a man, meaning, touching her in a dominant way. I find myself correcting things that I had internalized right before I stopped sarging when I got the girlfriend last year. I was way more aggressive with my kino then but I'm getting better now. The largest change, though, was that the big inner game realization. When I see a cute girl, I tell myself that I'm gonna approach and I'm going to do it right.
As I wrote on Thursday, the only difference from when I have good game or shit game now is just how my mind is deciding to act. When I decide that I'm gonna open the set right, I just click something in my head. Instead of pondering self doubt, I tell myself that I can do this and I just act. If I'm being especially hesitant, I start singing that Karate Kid song "You're the Best" (i'll link the video at the end) in my head to movtivate me.
I've been happy lately with myself in that I open mosts sets that I wanted to open. The exception was this one 3-set at Red Ivy, and a bunch of street sets that I let walk by at the end of the night. I got into several longer sets, but 2j pointed out that I was letting them stall. I was working this taller blonde and I let it stall. When I sensed I was stalling, I should have pumped up her state a bit and then just number closed. I ended up not number closing that set which was dumb.
Street open:
2j and I left Red Ivy and were walking across the street. We spotted this drunk girl trying to hail a cab so I opened her. I don't even remember what I said. 2j used my opener to start talking to her. He did this the other day to prove a point that I wasn't stepping up enough. It's of mixed value. When he busts in on a solo set that I opened like that, I end up letting him take over, but this time it actually made me step up.
Funny thing is that I almost lost the set. She kept wavering between wanting to talk to us and tryign to get a cab. She was having a hard time flagging one down as they were all full. This mini van cab suddenly pulled up and this guy got there just as she did. As he was talking to the cab driver, she tried to hop in. As she was doing that, this girl grabbed her and pulled her off. At this point, I was
asking 2j why he keeps opening solo sets after I opened them . I was a little aggravated as I said, "If you want the set, then open it yourself instead of using me as an easy in." Just as we're debating this, she walks back as she didn't catch the cab.
Again, I say this 2j conflict was mixed as I forced myself to step up. I started telling her that we were gonna grab coffee. I ended up leading her towards the coffee shop that I took this South American girl to July of last year. 2j was following me. I stopped to talk to him but it seemed like he was trying to talk to the girl again so I was like, WTF? and just kept walking. Another humourous thing was that we walked by DJ R who happened to be there with his friend.
Connection over food:
When I first opened her, she seemed like this cute drunk girl but I was surprised to learn that she had a deeper side to her. She had travelled extensively and the conversation was never dull. She kept complimenting me. It just sometimes feel weird to keep getting complimented. I realized, again, that I don't give myself enough credit. I do dwell on my negatives and forget that I have a lot of positive qualities.
I felt like the mistake here was that we had some moments where if I weren't at this coffee shop and sitting across a table from her, I would have gone for the kiss. There were several moments where we were gazing into each other's eyes. Thinking back, I should have just leaned over and started to stroke her face and kissed her. That would have made my dilemma later on so much easier. I'll give myself some credit for rubbing her legs. The fact that she seemed to like that means I should have started more kino escalation over food.
When the bill came, I was wondering if I was gonna have to pay. The girl actually paid for the whole bill but I forced some change onto her. Thinking back, this was a minor mistake. I should have let her pay for my meal but I dont' really like taking free meals or drinks.
Lost on what to do:
At the time, I was conflicted on what my next move was. This was the big screw up. I mentioned watching a movie to try to see if she was receptive to me coming over already. She said she didn't like movies. I had mentioned Big City Tap but I didn't want to go there so I didn't push it enough. I was just walking in that direction and I told her as much. Part of me thought maybe I should try to invite her over.
The set ended here cause I stopped leading and hesitated. At this point, she said, "I think I'm too drunk and I"m gonna go home. Take my number here and text me later." I took her number and then she hailed a cab. As the cab pulled up, I pulled her into me and tried to invite myself. We kissed and she told me again to text her.
I suppose a last ditch move would have been to get in the cab and pull her in. I don't know if that would have worked.
Choose something and lead:
As I drove home tonight, I realized that whatever the next venue was didn't matter. I'm gonna talk with 2j on the merits of Big City or pushing for her place or mine, but I think those are minor details. If I just chose one and lead towards that outcome, she would have come along. Also, I should have turned things physical and sexual much sooner. As I wrote above, I could have started kissing and making out in the coffee place. Yeah it felt weird cause it wasn't a bar but the moment was there.
As played, when we left the place, I should have pumped her state up by complementing her. I mean, I actually could have told her some reasons why she was different than other girls and then pulled her in and started making out. I won't even say, had that worke,d, as most likely it would have. After that, I could have pushed for her to come over or for me to go over.
The other move was just to go to Big City tap. I could get her on the dance floor and escalate there and then the final pull would have been easy as well.
Missed lays from inexperience:
Oh well, I'm happy with the night but this end game mistakes frustrate me. I've missed so many lays in the last year at the very end. With just a bit more pulling experience, some missed opportunities would have succeeded. I'm worried that this girl will be like that drunk girl last year that was ready to go when I met her but then hard to meet up with when the buzz wore off. I ended up meeting this particular girl I'm thinking off again, but there was no chemistry the second time. (That turned into a cool night away as I ended up working off the bad Day 2 and getting a near lay with this voluptuous black girl. And there was another missed lay cause of inexperience... sigh.)
The lesson is that I need to practice pulling more often. It's good that I'm going after the cuter girls but I should spend the last hour of each night trying to aggressively pull. I also need to work summer street game like I used to do last year.
As I wrote on Thursday, the only difference from when I have good game or shit game now is just how my mind is deciding to act. When I decide that I'm gonna open the set right, I just click something in my head. Instead of pondering self doubt, I tell myself that I can do this and I just act. If I'm being especially hesitant, I start singing that Karate Kid song "You're the Best" (i'll link the video at the end) in my head to movtivate me.
I've been happy lately with myself in that I open mosts sets that I wanted to open. The exception was this one 3-set at Red Ivy, and a bunch of street sets that I let walk by at the end of the night. I got into several longer sets, but 2j pointed out that I was letting them stall. I was working this taller blonde and I let it stall. When I sensed I was stalling, I should have pumped up her state a bit and then just number closed. I ended up not number closing that set which was dumb.
Street open:
2j and I left Red Ivy and were walking across the street. We spotted this drunk girl trying to hail a cab so I opened her. I don't even remember what I said. 2j used my opener to start talking to her. He did this the other day to prove a point that I wasn't stepping up enough. It's of mixed value. When he busts in on a solo set that I opened like that, I end up letting him take over, but this time it actually made me step up.
Funny thing is that I almost lost the set. She kept wavering between wanting to talk to us and tryign to get a cab. She was having a hard time flagging one down as they were all full. This mini van cab suddenly pulled up and this guy got there just as she did. As he was talking to the cab driver, she tried to hop in. As she was doing that, this girl grabbed her and pulled her off. At this point, I was
asking 2j why he keeps opening solo sets after I opened them . I was a little aggravated as I said, "If you want the set, then open it yourself instead of using me as an easy in." Just as we're debating this, she walks back as she didn't catch the cab.
Again, I say this 2j conflict was mixed as I forced myself to step up. I started telling her that we were gonna grab coffee. I ended up leading her towards the coffee shop that I took this South American girl to July of last year. 2j was following me. I stopped to talk to him but it seemed like he was trying to talk to the girl again so I was like, WTF? and just kept walking. Another humourous thing was that we walked by DJ R who happened to be there with his friend.
Connection over food:
When I first opened her, she seemed like this cute drunk girl but I was surprised to learn that she had a deeper side to her. She had travelled extensively and the conversation was never dull. She kept complimenting me. It just sometimes feel weird to keep getting complimented. I realized, again, that I don't give myself enough credit. I do dwell on my negatives and forget that I have a lot of positive qualities.
I felt like the mistake here was that we had some moments where if I weren't at this coffee shop and sitting across a table from her, I would have gone for the kiss. There were several moments where we were gazing into each other's eyes. Thinking back, I should have just leaned over and started to stroke her face and kissed her. That would have made my dilemma later on so much easier. I'll give myself some credit for rubbing her legs. The fact that she seemed to like that means I should have started more kino escalation over food.
When the bill came, I was wondering if I was gonna have to pay. The girl actually paid for the whole bill but I forced some change onto her. Thinking back, this was a minor mistake. I should have let her pay for my meal but I dont' really like taking free meals or drinks.
Lost on what to do:
At the time, I was conflicted on what my next move was. This was the big screw up. I mentioned watching a movie to try to see if she was receptive to me coming over already. She said she didn't like movies. I had mentioned Big City Tap but I didn't want to go there so I didn't push it enough. I was just walking in that direction and I told her as much. Part of me thought maybe I should try to invite her over.
The set ended here cause I stopped leading and hesitated. At this point, she said, "I think I'm too drunk and I"m gonna go home. Take my number here and text me later." I took her number and then she hailed a cab. As the cab pulled up, I pulled her into me and tried to invite myself. We kissed and she told me again to text her.
I suppose a last ditch move would have been to get in the cab and pull her in. I don't know if that would have worked.
Choose something and lead:
As I drove home tonight, I realized that whatever the next venue was didn't matter. I'm gonna talk with 2j on the merits of Big City or pushing for her place or mine, but I think those are minor details. If I just chose one and lead towards that outcome, she would have come along. Also, I should have turned things physical and sexual much sooner. As I wrote above, I could have started kissing and making out in the coffee place. Yeah it felt weird cause it wasn't a bar but the moment was there.
As played, when we left the place, I should have pumped her state up by complementing her. I mean, I actually could have told her some reasons why she was different than other girls and then pulled her in and started making out. I won't even say, had that worke,d, as most likely it would have. After that, I could have pushed for her to come over or for me to go over.
The other move was just to go to Big City tap. I could get her on the dance floor and escalate there and then the final pull would have been easy as well.
Missed lays from inexperience:
Oh well, I'm happy with the night but this end game mistakes frustrate me. I've missed so many lays in the last year at the very end. With just a bit more pulling experience, some missed opportunities would have succeeded. I'm worried that this girl will be like that drunk girl last year that was ready to go when I met her but then hard to meet up with when the buzz wore off. I ended up meeting this particular girl I'm thinking off again, but there was no chemistry the second time. (That turned into a cool night away as I ended up working off the bad Day 2 and getting a near lay with this voluptuous black girl. And there was another missed lay cause of inexperience... sigh.)
The lesson is that I need to practice pulling more often. It's good that I'm going after the cuter girls but I should spend the last hour of each night trying to aggressively pull. I also need to work summer street game like I used to do last year.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Refreshed, sports psychology, and back to basics
Tonight was a night where nothing really spectacular happened. In fact, there were a few brief moments when I resembled a newbie. Contrasting that were a two inspiring moments from my wings. As I sit here, I actually feel really good. Actually going out helped fix what's been missing from me the last few days. I feel like now I'm ready to face the weekend and actually do better than I have done the last few outings.
I know what to do, I have just to do it:
There is where I think sports psychology can yield some answers into consistent results. Theater also might have some answers. Constrast a live sporting event and theater to something like making a movie where you have many takes to do something correctly. Actually, as I just wrote that last sentence, I realize that sarging has that ground hog day aspect to it also where you keep repeating many of the same situations over again.
I realized as I was driving home that I almost always know what I'm doing wrong or what my next move should be. There are some rare moments deep in a set where I'm wondering if I should try to say pull a girl from her friends or go with all of them in a venue change. Usually, though, I know the moves and I'm just making the wrong moves. Part of it is that old Tyler "State Control" article. I recognized that early tonight and even mentioned this to 2j. I opened three sets right off the bat and I just ejected right away rather than wait for a bad response. I knew I was ejecting early cause I didn't want to get rejected. Then, I got into a weird zone where I didn't want to open for awhile.
We ran into this PUA that I had met on Saturday. He told us he had been out 25 days in a row. While I stalled, he was opening every set in the bar, including doing an agressive opener on the dance floor. I was inspired when I saw this but I also kept asking myself what happened to me as of late? I think now that the main reason I've lost my edge is I haven't gone out since Saturday. I love the part of me that can open all the sets without hesitation. I was just in that zone two weeks ago and it felt weird to lose it for the last few outings.
Using lame openers:
Many times, I catch myself using really dumb openers. It's like I tell myself that I should open and then I let myself off the hook or protect my ego by using some lame opener or opening really weakly. Again, there's TD's old "State Control." I know I don't need to protect my ego. I should feel happy within myself and not try to get happiness from validation from girls. I even told myself I was gonna work on that tonight.
Yet, I can open like a PUA:
2j noticed me open this black girl with complete confidence. Later in the night, I saw this cute black girl walk by. I opened here by tapping her shoulder. When she looked at me, I looked her in the eye. I said, "Hey." She wasn't close enough to really here me, so with a commanding, confident voice, I said, "Come over here." She complied as I was doing things right. We exchanged names and shook hands. I busted on her for her hand being cold and wet cause she had been holding her drink in that hand. Then, I grabbed her hip and started to dance with her. She then said she had to go. I persisted but then she started to pull away so I just shrugged my shoulders.
When I went back to 2j, he said, "You looked a lot better in that set."
I knew what part of it was: She was cute but I felt confident cause my last girlfriend was a quality black girl.
At that point, I knew I had situational confidence, but I realized that it's just in my head that I don't always feel this confidence. Again, here's the sports psychology and performance psychology block. When I'm out sarging and running bad game, I feel like I'm a quarterback with good talent who plays a shit game. Part of how a quarterback prepares himself for the big game is how I need to fix my thinking when I'm out in the field.
The answer is if I could just look at every girl and deep down know that she right for me and I should be confident, then I could always open like I did this particular set. Moreover, if I maintained the right frame, everything would proceed just as easily.
It's a mindfuck:
I tell 2j this but from his responses, I think he believes a little in the "long term mating" strategy. That's Tyler's point that part of feeling entitlement is that you live up to your standards in work, exercise, and everything you do. When you are improving yourself, then you can feel as you do that process, you are worthy. I concede that there is some merit to this . I've written about this as living up to you own standards.
I believe also that there's something in that Evil Stifler persona. You don't have to have anything go for you and you can just feel confident and comfortable with girls. I kept telling 2j that I believe there's a way to click a switch in my head and start believing in this.
I've written many an entry where I try to realize my entitlement. The simplest thing I thought of after that set with the black girl is as follows: I should feel confident with every girl. I should stop thinking about how they may be hot or they may be a type of girl I've never had before or haven't had in a long time. I don't like ego based confidence but maybe I should draw on that just a bit.
When I have a bad night or run shit sets it's because I think I'm not good enough or I'm afraid of running good game and then having to face rejection. I know damn well that rejection is a part of this game. That has no bearing on my worth. I should just be happy to be alive and happy that I'm starting to do things right in my life. The ego based confidence can come from the fact that I've had so many wonderful experiences with women since I set out sarging years ago.
I've done things I never could have imagined:
I believe Tyler that I should find confidence form within but I feel like I take things too far and don't even appreciate some of the things I've accomplished in this game. To use that old quote from Swingers, I keep "looking at what I don't have, instead of looking at what I do have."
I have this almost unrealistic view of how I should be and then I beat myself up because I'm not at that level. It's like I'll feel shitty sometimes because I'm not getting laid enough and I don't have a bunch of girls in the rotation. I'll feel bad that I haven't banged a really tall girl or that I haven't banged some smoking hot girls.
The funny thing is that even those goals are achieveable. My mistake is that I want this things to magically happen and I forget that it takes putting time and effort in. I have to go out, and when I go out, I need to minimize the time I stand around doing nothing and the time I spend running shitty game when I know better. If I go out regularly (i.e. not less than 3 times a week), and I keep impoving, then I'm gonna start living the life I want to live. I should not feel shitty that I'm not there, and more importantly:
I should not use my lack of the end game success as an excuse not to go out or as an excuse to run shit game.
When I'm feeling down, I should be happy that I'm able to set my mind on goals in my life and know that I can move towards them. This isn't some blind faith that I need, I've proven in many areas of my life that I can achieve sought after goals.
If I need that bit of ego based confidence, then I should allow myself to think about the girls I kissed, the pussies I touched, and the crazy shit that I experienced last summer. I will experience that again and have even more exciting things happen with even hotter girls if I just work on being my best self when I'm out.
Basics and 2j:
I'll close with this brief inspirational story. 2j and I spotted this hot blonde on the dance floor. I saw her wandering around later and felt like the opportunity was there to make something happen. I approached and got a little resistance that I could have pushed through but I lost confidence and walked away. About ten minutes later, I saw her standing around and I told 2j that he should open her. He went in and it was on. He ended up venue chaning with her and hopefully he can pull her at the after hours.
There were two lessons there. First of all, I might have had the girl if I put my true self out there instead of running away for state control. Second lesson is I feel inspired seeing my wing step up and make things happen. Some wings don't like when their wing has success cause it screws with their ego. I always feel happy for my wings and I get the correct lesson that pickup works and we can get hot girls.
I'll end this entry by saying that some of my problem is that I just need to go back to basics when I'm struggling. Tonight, I opened some sets early on and I got into a bad state cause the sets didn't really go anywhere. I realized later that I needed to remember the stages Jeffy explained in a talk before. Early in the night, it's social mingling time. I can just open sets, chat and be friendly. 2j always tells me that it's easier for stuff to happen later in the night. I believe in the Tyler theory of hitting sets up cause it gets me into state. My mistake tonight was I expected late night results during social mingling time. Next time, I'll remember that early on, I can just be friendly and trust that opening will get me into the right state for late night game.
I know what to do, I have just to do it:
There is where I think sports psychology can yield some answers into consistent results. Theater also might have some answers. Constrast a live sporting event and theater to something like making a movie where you have many takes to do something correctly. Actually, as I just wrote that last sentence, I realize that sarging has that ground hog day aspect to it also where you keep repeating many of the same situations over again.
I realized as I was driving home that I almost always know what I'm doing wrong or what my next move should be. There are some rare moments deep in a set where I'm wondering if I should try to say pull a girl from her friends or go with all of them in a venue change. Usually, though, I know the moves and I'm just making the wrong moves. Part of it is that old Tyler "State Control" article. I recognized that early tonight and even mentioned this to 2j. I opened three sets right off the bat and I just ejected right away rather than wait for a bad response. I knew I was ejecting early cause I didn't want to get rejected. Then, I got into a weird zone where I didn't want to open for awhile.
We ran into this PUA that I had met on Saturday. He told us he had been out 25 days in a row. While I stalled, he was opening every set in the bar, including doing an agressive opener on the dance floor. I was inspired when I saw this but I also kept asking myself what happened to me as of late? I think now that the main reason I've lost my edge is I haven't gone out since Saturday. I love the part of me that can open all the sets without hesitation. I was just in that zone two weeks ago and it felt weird to lose it for the last few outings.
Using lame openers:
Many times, I catch myself using really dumb openers. It's like I tell myself that I should open and then I let myself off the hook or protect my ego by using some lame opener or opening really weakly. Again, there's TD's old "State Control." I know I don't need to protect my ego. I should feel happy within myself and not try to get happiness from validation from girls. I even told myself I was gonna work on that tonight.
Yet, I can open like a PUA:
2j noticed me open this black girl with complete confidence. Later in the night, I saw this cute black girl walk by. I opened here by tapping her shoulder. When she looked at me, I looked her in the eye. I said, "Hey." She wasn't close enough to really here me, so with a commanding, confident voice, I said, "Come over here." She complied as I was doing things right. We exchanged names and shook hands. I busted on her for her hand being cold and wet cause she had been holding her drink in that hand. Then, I grabbed her hip and started to dance with her. She then said she had to go. I persisted but then she started to pull away so I just shrugged my shoulders.
When I went back to 2j, he said, "You looked a lot better in that set."
I knew what part of it was: She was cute but I felt confident cause my last girlfriend was a quality black girl.
At that point, I knew I had situational confidence, but I realized that it's just in my head that I don't always feel this confidence. Again, here's the sports psychology and performance psychology block. When I'm out sarging and running bad game, I feel like I'm a quarterback with good talent who plays a shit game. Part of how a quarterback prepares himself for the big game is how I need to fix my thinking when I'm out in the field.
The answer is if I could just look at every girl and deep down know that she right for me and I should be confident, then I could always open like I did this particular set. Moreover, if I maintained the right frame, everything would proceed just as easily.
It's a mindfuck:
I tell 2j this but from his responses, I think he believes a little in the "long term mating" strategy. That's Tyler's point that part of feeling entitlement is that you live up to your standards in work, exercise, and everything you do. When you are improving yourself, then you can feel as you do that process, you are worthy. I concede that there is some merit to this . I've written about this as living up to you own standards.
I believe also that there's something in that Evil Stifler persona. You don't have to have anything go for you and you can just feel confident and comfortable with girls. I kept telling 2j that I believe there's a way to click a switch in my head and start believing in this.
I've written many an entry where I try to realize my entitlement. The simplest thing I thought of after that set with the black girl is as follows: I should feel confident with every girl. I should stop thinking about how they may be hot or they may be a type of girl I've never had before or haven't had in a long time. I don't like ego based confidence but maybe I should draw on that just a bit.
When I have a bad night or run shit sets it's because I think I'm not good enough or I'm afraid of running good game and then having to face rejection. I know damn well that rejection is a part of this game. That has no bearing on my worth. I should just be happy to be alive and happy that I'm starting to do things right in my life. The ego based confidence can come from the fact that I've had so many wonderful experiences with women since I set out sarging years ago.
I've done things I never could have imagined:
I believe Tyler that I should find confidence form within but I feel like I take things too far and don't even appreciate some of the things I've accomplished in this game. To use that old quote from Swingers, I keep "looking at what I don't have, instead of looking at what I do have."
I have this almost unrealistic view of how I should be and then I beat myself up because I'm not at that level. It's like I'll feel shitty sometimes because I'm not getting laid enough and I don't have a bunch of girls in the rotation. I'll feel bad that I haven't banged a really tall girl or that I haven't banged some smoking hot girls.
The funny thing is that even those goals are achieveable. My mistake is that I want this things to magically happen and I forget that it takes putting time and effort in. I have to go out, and when I go out, I need to minimize the time I stand around doing nothing and the time I spend running shitty game when I know better. If I go out regularly (i.e. not less than 3 times a week), and I keep impoving, then I'm gonna start living the life I want to live. I should not feel shitty that I'm not there, and more importantly:
I should not use my lack of the end game success as an excuse not to go out or as an excuse to run shit game.
When I'm feeling down, I should be happy that I'm able to set my mind on goals in my life and know that I can move towards them. This isn't some blind faith that I need, I've proven in many areas of my life that I can achieve sought after goals.
If I need that bit of ego based confidence, then I should allow myself to think about the girls I kissed, the pussies I touched, and the crazy shit that I experienced last summer. I will experience that again and have even more exciting things happen with even hotter girls if I just work on being my best self when I'm out.
Basics and 2j:
I'll close with this brief inspirational story. 2j and I spotted this hot blonde on the dance floor. I saw her wandering around later and felt like the opportunity was there to make something happen. I approached and got a little resistance that I could have pushed through but I lost confidence and walked away. About ten minutes later, I saw her standing around and I told 2j that he should open her. He went in and it was on. He ended up venue chaning with her and hopefully he can pull her at the after hours.
There were two lessons there. First of all, I might have had the girl if I put my true self out there instead of running away for state control. Second lesson is I feel inspired seeing my wing step up and make things happen. Some wings don't like when their wing has success cause it screws with their ego. I always feel happy for my wings and I get the correct lesson that pickup works and we can get hot girls.
I'll end this entry by saying that some of my problem is that I just need to go back to basics when I'm struggling. Tonight, I opened some sets early on and I got into a bad state cause the sets didn't really go anywhere. I realized later that I needed to remember the stages Jeffy explained in a talk before. Early in the night, it's social mingling time. I can just open sets, chat and be friendly. 2j always tells me that it's easier for stuff to happen later in the night. I believe in the Tyler theory of hitting sets up cause it gets me into state. My mistake tonight was I expected late night results during social mingling time. Next time, I'll remember that early on, I can just be friendly and trust that opening will get me into the right state for late night game.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Bad Solo Sarging; DJ R saved my night
Part of me wants to be embarrassed that I can even have a night like this after all the time I have in the game. I was worried when 2j told me that he wasn't gonna come out, but even in my reply to him, I said that I needed to learn this lesson. Logically, I know it makes no difference being solo. I started this journey solo and I can think of this awesome set last year that should have been a lay. That was the voluptuous black girl that I opened when I was out solo and ended up going out to eat and almost pulling to my place last summer. Besides my history of solo game, 2j has told me that when we are together, we often end up doing our own sets anyway.
I attribute my difficulties to not having had a solo night since last August. Yeah, I've stayed out after 2j went home, but that's different as I already warmed up. When I've gotten to a venue before 2j, I also haven't been bothering to really warm up until he shows up . I know that after tonight's experience, I'll make myself open when I get to a venue before 2j. I'll also force myself to go out alone frequently enough that I don't lose my comfort zone for solo game.
I can be proud that I didn't stand around and do absolutely nothing. I slowly forced myself to open some sets but they didn't go anywhere. That's fine but I wasn't feeling myself getting more confident which is usually what happens after a few sets, whether they are fast bust outs or good sets. I felt nervous riding solo. I remember sitting in Red Ivy at the edge of the dance floor just trying to get myself comfortable. I tried opening some girls walking onto the dance floor but more often than not I just passed on the opportunity.
DJ R to the rescue:
I need to find out this wing's screen name. He is the guy I ran into three weeks ago. 2j had gone home and I was opening solo sets. He opened a 2-set and I ended up winging him and making out with that girl and later got a Day 2 with her. That was shit night that he helped turn around. Tonight was a way worst night, and I was so lucky to see him walk by me.
When I ran into DJ R, I realized why I've gotten so comfortable being out with wings. Well, it's more so with guys I know from the Community. It's like I get state from making myself want to try to live up to the PUA standard. I won't let myself stand around and not do anything. I also try to run better game. Those are the dumb reasons. I say that as I should be living up to my own standards and no one else's. I realized this as I thought about the night. When I used to go out solo a lot, I forced myself to run good game because that is the standard I set for myself. Well, without wings too, I knew that if I sit around and do nothing, then I'll never get into any sets. I just say the above were dumb reasons because I shouldn't run better game to impress wings; I should always try to be my best self to live up to the standard I set for myself.
The positive thing I get from wings is that I do get inspired when I see other PUA's opening and running sets. We even ran into some guys that were out sarging also. The came up and talked to us when they spotted us opening a set. I guess one of the guys lurks on RSD. I'll probably run into them again as they say they go to a lot of the same places that 2j and I frequent. Anyway, I call this a positive influence because there's nothing wrong with being inspired by your wings taking action. It's also fun to just joke around about stuff or laugh about bust outs. Also, DJ R and I push each other to open sets.
Why am I not number closing enough?:
I had my best set right after I ran into DJ R. I opened this tall girl. I was attracted to her but her body was just average. She was cute and her being taller than me is just a big fetish that I have right now. She told me that her friend just moved to Chicago and she was trying to get her to meet new friends. I told DJ R that as soon as I could. As for my girl, we seemed to have some connection. Even beyond that, we live in the same town. That's so rare: I can say that I've NEVER met a girl while out sarging in 7 years who happens to be from my town. I tell 2j it's hard enough to meet girls that live in the same area as I do. She might actually live in the city now but she said her parents live by me. Heck, she even showed me her ID that showed her address in my town.
I felt like this could be a long set but then the girls said they had to go. DJ R had number closed his girl. I think his girl wanted to explore other places. I know that in the past, I would have just grabbed the number when they said they were leaving. It's not like the girls bolted out. The friend shook my hand and said she was leaving. My girl gave DJ R a hug, and then she turned to me and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. That's when I should have grabbed the number.
I guess I know the answer to the topic heading. I don't like farming numbers as that's the stuff I used to do as a newbie. I know I can steamroll a lot of girls into giving me a number. Since last year, I've only been taking numbers when I feel like there's some connection or some actual reason I'd like to hang out with the girl besides just wanting to fuck her. Since I've been back, I only have taken two numbers and they were from long sets. It's like I've told myself that I only take numbers if I got a make out or a least pushed for one.
I know now that I've taken it too far. I should take more numbers. 2j will number close shorter sets and has gotten a ton of lays through that method. I remember last year that Day 2 lays were more hist style that just trying to SNL pulls.
There was no excuse not to take this girl's number tonight. I could have number closed some other girls but I don't really regret not going for those. I regret this and I haven't regretted not going for a number close in a VERY LONG time. I'm gonna blame this on my bad state before I ran into DJ R. I stepped up my game but I still hadn't brought myself into the right PUA zone.
I'll learn from this mistake. I always learn from the mistakes that hurt.
I can be aggressive:
There were some other sets I could write about, but the other sets that sticks out in my head was this mixed 3 set of two girls and one guy. I opened this blonde and she seemed high buying temperature right off the bat. She was giving me the doggy bowl eyes right off the bat. She was comfortable with me holding her hands too. I talked for a bit but then she tried to tell me that the guy was her boyfriend. It didn't look like he was but I just walked away. I saw the three of them go to the dance floor later. He was grinding with the blonde but not the chubby brunette friend so maybe there was something between them.
I couldn't get her out of my head. I can just tell when a girl is high buying temperature. I went up to her again and grabbed her attention. She was into me again but the chubby friend pulled the set away from me. About fifteen minutes later, I saw them buying drinks. I went up to her again and I tried to be more aggressive. I told her to "Ditch the chode." She told me that they were leaving soon but she still kept giving me that same doggy dinner bowl look. Obviously, she was drunk as I remember the chubby friend saying, "Wow, I didn't realize you were that drunk."
I never did figure out the guy's story. I thought he was guy friend but then I think he might have sarged her. I remember hearing the chubby friend say, "You can escort us home. We live by Sheridan."
I should have persisted a bit more but I began to lose my confidence and I walked away shortly after this.
Still, I'm happy to see this side of me again. It's like having that guy there made me want to turn up my game even more. I know if I persisted more I might have done better but I haven't even come close to being challenged like this since I returned to the game this year.
I attribute my difficulties to not having had a solo night since last August. Yeah, I've stayed out after 2j went home, but that's different as I already warmed up. When I've gotten to a venue before 2j, I also haven't been bothering to really warm up until he shows up . I know that after tonight's experience, I'll make myself open when I get to a venue before 2j. I'll also force myself to go out alone frequently enough that I don't lose my comfort zone for solo game.
I can be proud that I didn't stand around and do absolutely nothing. I slowly forced myself to open some sets but they didn't go anywhere. That's fine but I wasn't feeling myself getting more confident which is usually what happens after a few sets, whether they are fast bust outs or good sets. I felt nervous riding solo. I remember sitting in Red Ivy at the edge of the dance floor just trying to get myself comfortable. I tried opening some girls walking onto the dance floor but more often than not I just passed on the opportunity.
DJ R to the rescue:
I need to find out this wing's screen name. He is the guy I ran into three weeks ago. 2j had gone home and I was opening solo sets. He opened a 2-set and I ended up winging him and making out with that girl and later got a Day 2 with her. That was shit night that he helped turn around. Tonight was a way worst night, and I was so lucky to see him walk by me.
When I ran into DJ R, I realized why I've gotten so comfortable being out with wings. Well, it's more so with guys I know from the Community. It's like I get state from making myself want to try to live up to the PUA standard. I won't let myself stand around and not do anything. I also try to run better game. Those are the dumb reasons. I say that as I should be living up to my own standards and no one else's. I realized this as I thought about the night. When I used to go out solo a lot, I forced myself to run good game because that is the standard I set for myself. Well, without wings too, I knew that if I sit around and do nothing, then I'll never get into any sets. I just say the above were dumb reasons because I shouldn't run better game to impress wings; I should always try to be my best self to live up to the standard I set for myself.
The positive thing I get from wings is that I do get inspired when I see other PUA's opening and running sets. We even ran into some guys that were out sarging also. The came up and talked to us when they spotted us opening a set. I guess one of the guys lurks on RSD. I'll probably run into them again as they say they go to a lot of the same places that 2j and I frequent. Anyway, I call this a positive influence because there's nothing wrong with being inspired by your wings taking action. It's also fun to just joke around about stuff or laugh about bust outs. Also, DJ R and I push each other to open sets.
Why am I not number closing enough?:
I had my best set right after I ran into DJ R. I opened this tall girl. I was attracted to her but her body was just average. She was cute and her being taller than me is just a big fetish that I have right now. She told me that her friend just moved to Chicago and she was trying to get her to meet new friends. I told DJ R that as soon as I could. As for my girl, we seemed to have some connection. Even beyond that, we live in the same town. That's so rare: I can say that I've NEVER met a girl while out sarging in 7 years who happens to be from my town. I tell 2j it's hard enough to meet girls that live in the same area as I do. She might actually live in the city now but she said her parents live by me. Heck, she even showed me her ID that showed her address in my town.
I felt like this could be a long set but then the girls said they had to go. DJ R had number closed his girl. I think his girl wanted to explore other places. I know that in the past, I would have just grabbed the number when they said they were leaving. It's not like the girls bolted out. The friend shook my hand and said she was leaving. My girl gave DJ R a hug, and then she turned to me and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. That's when I should have grabbed the number.
I guess I know the answer to the topic heading. I don't like farming numbers as that's the stuff I used to do as a newbie. I know I can steamroll a lot of girls into giving me a number. Since last year, I've only been taking numbers when I feel like there's some connection or some actual reason I'd like to hang out with the girl besides just wanting to fuck her. Since I've been back, I only have taken two numbers and they were from long sets. It's like I've told myself that I only take numbers if I got a make out or a least pushed for one.
I know now that I've taken it too far. I should take more numbers. 2j will number close shorter sets and has gotten a ton of lays through that method. I remember last year that Day 2 lays were more hist style that just trying to SNL pulls.
There was no excuse not to take this girl's number tonight. I could have number closed some other girls but I don't really regret not going for those. I regret this and I haven't regretted not going for a number close in a VERY LONG time. I'm gonna blame this on my bad state before I ran into DJ R. I stepped up my game but I still hadn't brought myself into the right PUA zone.
I'll learn from this mistake. I always learn from the mistakes that hurt.
I can be aggressive:
There were some other sets I could write about, but the other sets that sticks out in my head was this mixed 3 set of two girls and one guy. I opened this blonde and she seemed high buying temperature right off the bat. She was giving me the doggy bowl eyes right off the bat. She was comfortable with me holding her hands too. I talked for a bit but then she tried to tell me that the guy was her boyfriend. It didn't look like he was but I just walked away. I saw the three of them go to the dance floor later. He was grinding with the blonde but not the chubby brunette friend so maybe there was something between them.
I couldn't get her out of my head. I can just tell when a girl is high buying temperature. I went up to her again and grabbed her attention. She was into me again but the chubby friend pulled the set away from me. About fifteen minutes later, I saw them buying drinks. I went up to her again and I tried to be more aggressive. I told her to "Ditch the chode." She told me that they were leaving soon but she still kept giving me that same doggy dinner bowl look. Obviously, she was drunk as I remember the chubby friend saying, "Wow, I didn't realize you were that drunk."
I never did figure out the guy's story. I thought he was guy friend but then I think he might have sarged her. I remember hearing the chubby friend say, "You can escort us home. We live by Sheridan."
I should have persisted a bit more but I began to lose my confidence and I walked away shortly after this.
Still, I'm happy to see this side of me again. It's like having that guy there made me want to turn up my game even more. I know if I persisted more I might have done better but I haven't even come close to being challenged like this since I returned to the game this year.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
You know what to do so do it
I told myself that I was gonna start posting regularly. As I've written here, and as I told 2j last night, reviewing each night to create these posts really helped me improve in the past.
I was quite happy with my inner game and approach confidence. If I saw a hot girl that interested me, I approached. The only exceptions were was I avoided approaching some huge mixed set, and there were a few hotties on the dance floor that I didn't approach . I still am trying to get more comfortable with dance floor game. I approached a few sets on the dance floor, but where I'd like to get my comfort zone is where I'd approach girls on the dance floor as often as I'd approach girls off the dance floor.
I think my main problem with dance floor is that I know what the right move is when I see 2-3 girls dancing. I always tell 2j that I need to do the "J" approach. I mean that I know I need to go up and dance in the middle of the girls like our short lived Asian wing used to do for us. I need to dance in the middle of the circle, and then grab the girl I want to dance with and focus on her. I need to be high energy to do this and be completely comfortable. As I couldn't get myself in the right state, I resorted to just tapping a few sets on the dance floor and trying to open them verbally.
I'd say the two best sets of the night was this 3-set I opened early on and then this girl I opened at the end of the night that was in a big set. The 3-set had 3 black girls. I stopped the best looking one (she was about average looks but the best out of the group). She said something that sounded like a blowout so I started walking up the stairs with 2j. I felt someone grab my shoulder. I turned and it was her. I think I said something like, "I thought you were blowing me off." She said, "I told you to just wait a second."
I knew it was on when she approached me like that so I began to dance by her. I knew that I needed to start getting up on her but instead I tried to run verbal game. Then, I chicked out and started talking to 2j as if that would somehow help me figure out what I was supposed to do. 2j told me that I was dancing with her like a guy friend and that I needed to get up on her. Duh. I knew that but I wasn't allowing myself to make the right move. I tried to go back into the set, but of course, my window had closed.
Later, we went out to Lincoln Park. I was proud that I opened this tall blonde who was seated. There were times when I know I would have been chicken to approach. She was giving me IOI's as I was talking, but I couldn't get the set to really pop so I just left. Maybe I should have persisted a little longer.
At the end of the night, we stopped by Trojan's favorite bar. The dance floor section was closed off. The only set was this mixed set with 2 guys and 4 girls. I direct opened this pale girl and immediately she was into me. She kinoed my arm and was telling me verbally how glad she was that I talked to her. I found out that the group was from Michigan and were only gonna be in town for one night. The PUA in me was telling me I needed to isolate her from the group and then escalate. Instead, I just kept trying talk and be friendly.
Again, here I knew the move but didn't follow my instinct. She liked me but I was escalating fast enough. I needed to tell her to come to the back of the bar so I could get her away from the group. Then I just needed to kino more and pull her in and I probalby had a good chance of getting a makeout.
What the hell was up with me playing it too safe? It was especially bad to do so in that situation considering the only move was to try for an SNL since she was leaving the next day.
Tonight, I just have to be relaxed and confident and actually follow through with what I know I should be doing.
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