Dancing, but not opening at after hours

Dancing, but not opening at after hours

I ended up leaving after I got busted out of my set by the obstacle. I saw Herschey waiting for the bus so I decided to give him a ride home. I was disappointed with getting busted out, but I still was feeling the high from experiencing that awakening regarding opening with intent. He showed me some stuff about online game at his place. I starting driving towards my house, but when I hit the Edens Expressway, I decided to extend the night by hitting Division Street.

I actually kept debating whether to go or not, but finally I said that I'll have fun no matter what happens. I did have fun, but I hate to admit that I didn't very little opening. I opened one girl for like 20 seconds and didn't plow. Near the end of the night, I opened this cute, nerdy looking girl with glasses. A song came on that I liked and wanted to dance to so I ejected. Of course, the move would have been to take her to the dance floor.

Time to push dance floor comfort level:
Dance floor no longer scares me. I've established that for certain after tonight. I went out and dance several times, including one time where there was only two people on the dance floor. For moments, I would think about how people might be watching me but I just zoned in my own world and kept dancing. Keep in mind that I don't really know how to dance. I understand the idea of moving with the beat, and I know a few basic moves, but that's all.

Now that I'm comfortable dancing on an empty or full dance floor, I need to push my limits. I need to start opening girls on their and dancing with them. This chubby blonde actually danced with me at one point. She had been dancing with this black guy but for Katy Perry's "Firework," she and I were the only ones one the dance floor. She came near me and we made eye contact. I got a little closer and danced with her, but I didn't do anything more. I could have spun her, and got close, or just did a better job of actually dancing with her, but I didn't. Regardless, I think this experience will help me in the upcoming days as I feel like I'll be more comfortable trying to actually dance with girls.

All these sets:
Sometimes I think that I don't need state. In some ways that's true. I can start the night and just from driving there and listening to some music, I am able to open as soon as I walk into the bar. Well, that's how it was today. I guess the past few days haven't been like that.

Saturday and today, when I got to Division, even after having a good nights both times prior to getting there, I just wouldn't open. To be honest, it was probably because the drive makes me get out of state, plus both times I was alone. I was with a buddy on Saturday, but he went to a different bar. I didn't want to pay cover so I went to this one no cover bar that I always go to.

Besides being alone, both times I've choded around. When I'm walking around not opening, I think I tell myself I can open cause I had done so already that night. The act of walking around makes me lose momentum. I have to treat it like the start of the night. I need to open as soon as I walk in and build up state again.

There were two cute blondes that I wish I had opened. It hurts me to admit that this happens to me. As I'm writing this, I'm convinced it's a state thing combined with how loud and crowded the venue has been. If I just open anything when I walk in, then I'll probably tear up the place like I used to. This bar is the one Seagull and I got the beach set out of so if anything I should have more confidence here.

I think I'll do better next time cause I realize finally what's causing my problem.

Still, I had fun. I never thought that I'd like dancing but I actually do now. Dancing was fun and I almost can't believe how deathly afraid I used to be about getting out there. Instead of going home, I extended my night so I have to give myself credit for that. I hope to go out again tonight and build momentum for this weekend.

Suddenly realized that my verbal game is tight & Free tour research

Suddenly realized that my verbal game is tight & Free tour research

Today I spent watching PUA videos. I also have been researching this RSD free tour that's coming to Chicago soon. I'm most likely gonna sign up for it tonight. There is a catch but that's obvious. First, when you checkout, you have to make sure to uncheck a button that automatically signs you up for a monthly series that will charge you extra and keep charging you until you cancel. The second catch is that you have to make sure to e-mail them after the tour to get your money back. Next, they'll try to dissuade you from wanting to get your money back. Finally, they'll try to get you to sign up for their pay program(s) that weekend.

Of course, I understand all this and am not bothered by it. I understand that they are a business and are trying to make money and develop money making opportunities through this free tour series. It's like what my mother and stepfather do when they go on these time share things when on vacation. They take advantage of the free stuff but make sure to never convinced to buy the rip off time share. It's like this coral jewelry making tour I went to in Honolulu with my girlfriend at the time. They tour gave you a basic free lunch, but you were a little pressured into buying stuff. The tour lets off right into their gift shop. We didn't buy anything and enjoyed the free transportation and lunch.

Verbal game:
While researching, I found a thread here about the RSD program on the fastseduction website. I have a soft spot for that forum as it my first Pickup forum that I ventured on as it was mentioned in the last pages of "The Game." The review is in depth and the part about physical game hit me. Intent and physical game are my weakness right now. I had this epiphany, though, that my verbal is REALLY strong. I often seem like I beat myself up on this blog. I try to focus on when I went wrong as I find that how I can best concentrate on fixing that in the future.

After being back sarging for three sessions, I'm surprised how my material is just spewing out. Saturday night, there was a 2-set that I didn't mention in my report. There was this cute dyed blonde girl that happened to be my age. I found her really attractive but the set was just boring as G confirmed afterwards. I couldn't get anything to click and I was plowing through with all my material. I was surprised how that stuff just comes out.

I also remembered that 3-set. I was creating new material on the fly. I guess it's the part of me that liked creative writing in the past. In sets, I can often relate experiences or describe thing in vivid language that seems to create an emotional response in the girl. It's beyond the words. I guess experience has taught me how to alter my tonality, slow down my words at the appropriate times and even create small, dramatic pauses to emphasize certain key points. Beyond that, when I can feel the emotions when I describe certain travel experiences or enlightening moments in my past and by state transference, the girls feel that too.

Now, if I can just improve my physical game, I will have amazing results very soon.

Entertainer guy down, need more intent... btw, cold sores don't matter

Entertainer guy down, need more intent... btw, cold sore don't matter

I got this cold sore outbreak, probably because I've been stressing my body by running again when I stopped for four months. The stats say most people have this virus (80%), and most people get it as kids. It's still annoying. I used it as an excuse to go out for St Patty's, but some college friends were going out so I decided to go out anyway today. I figured I wouldn't kiss any girls even if the opportunity presented itself cause of the cold sore, but beyond that, I wasn't guaranteed to get that far anyway. I wanted to put in more practice cause I know it will payoff later in the year. Besides, I figured it would be a good exercise. If I could approach with this handicap, then I have no excuse when everything is find. I text G on a whim and it turned out he wanted to go out, which was cool.

We started at this bar that has beers from around the world. There were a few mixed sets but I only did on approach. I did the big ass purse opener but I hadn't calibrated my voice properly so I wasn't speaking load enough. I wanted to approach this cute brunette in a mixed set but I chickened out.

We went out to Wicker Park and I was happy to eat my free pizza at Crocodile. I opened a 3 set there for practice but it didn't go anywhere. We went downstairs despite the $3 cover. I wanted to skip the cover but G insisted on going down there and then he wanted to leave. There were some sets there but it was a difficult place to approach.

Thing turned around at the third bar. These fiesty, petite, but hot latina chicks bumped into G and he joked around with them. I thought the girl liked him but G didn't try to open her again after she left. As we were walking to the front, I opened a 2-set. G said that he likes my simple, "Hi, my name is Teddy" opener. The opener really doesn't matter now as I got opening down. These girls messed with me and the one told G that his friend (me) busted out. She said it in a joking way that I felt like I could have kept plowing, but instead I turned around and opened this 3-set.

G gave me props for opening the seated set cause he said he wouldn't have done it. I know I'm getting back to my PUA self when I can just turn around and open and hook another set just like that. One girl in the set seemed to be really high buying temperature. G ended up talking to her. I actually got to work on this really cute brunette with and Icelandic ethnic background.

Thinking back on the set, I think I needed to show more intent. The girls liked both of us and were happy to talk to us but I just didn't get that "it's on" feeling. I know that it's because I didn't try to kino escalate enough and show intent. What that means, is that I have to project that there is something more her than just fun conversation. I have to kino more, and give her the laser eye contact. I had to show her sexual intent. I think RSD Tim puts it as making her feel like she's in danger of being fucked behind the dumpster.

As they say in the community guy, entertainer guy doesn't get laid. It's the sexworthy guy that does. That's my lesson for tonight.

Girls want us but we're lacking 100% belief

Girls want us but we're lacking the 100% belief

In RSD's "Flawless Natural," Tim talks about going into sets with 100% belief. Tonight, I think that's the only thing Seagull and I were lacking. We went out Monday night without high expectations. We figured places were going to be dead, but there were again enough sets for out for us. We definitely progressed from where we were on Sunday. The first bar we entered, we didn't enter a set right way and had a few $1 beers which I induldged enough of to get drunk. People who know me know that means I had about 4-5 beers in like 10-15 minutes. While I was on the third beer, Seagull and I both opened the two 2-sets in the bar. We were trying to convince the other to go open when I blurted out, "The right and fair way to do this would be for me to open that set, and you open the other at the same time."

"You mean like old times?" Seagull said.

Yes, that's how it used to be. We'd enter the bar and we both be in sets before you could blink an eye. Those sets didn't go anywhere. The set I opened had too boring girls. They looked bored before I opened them, they seemed boring, and didn't perk up to any material that I threw out. Seagull left his set right away too.

We went across the street and I opened this 3-set immediately as I walked in. They actually seemed to like us and were asking us question. There was a lull in the conversation and we decided to leave. After we left, we both agreed that we should have kept going.

I can still create attraction:
That struck me as we were driving home. The sets above were ended up being practice sets as we did much better when we got to Division street. I was hard on both of us initially during the ride home. In some ways, I still see ourselves back at the peak of our game meaning that I know the awesome things we are capable of doing so our mistakes are disappointing when view against our old PUA selves. The mistakes we made today were just stupid ones. We just didn't believe, as I said in the beginning. We know exactly what we need to do. Part of me was telling me what I should do but whatever was in the drivers seat in my head just refused to do the right move, or I'd give half an effort so I felt like I was doing something.

I know I'm hard on myself as I was basically completely anti-social for the last four months. To just jump back into the sarging and open sets last night and then getting deeper into some sets tonight is a huge turn around. I need to give myself credit for that.

Just gazing into her eyes:
The first real turning point set was this two set Seagull opened on the dance floor. He just started talking to them. At that point, I must have been coming down from my buzz cause I wasn't feel confident. I came back from the bathroom and I sent him a text asking him where he was even though I could see he was in a set. I just wanted to give myself an excuse for not helping him right way. In a few minutes, though, I got over that and entered the set.

There were too cute girls from Detroit and mine was a cute brunette. We were talking for a few minutes and then we kept having those pauses where we'd just gaze into each others eyes. I remember thinking, "Wow, this is on!" This was the first time this had happened since I started sarging again Sunday. I knew I needed kino escalate. Heck, I knew I probably was at the point where a kiss close could happen cause the girl was into me, but I didn't do anything. I kept talking. Eventually the girls went to the bathroom and then left.

Seagull was even farther but failed in the same way. He told me later in the car that his girl was really into him. He had kino escalated to the point where he had his had on her neck and was stroking her hair. Just some part of him held himself back from actually kissing her.

Finally, the girl had mentioned they wanted to go to another. We missed our cue there. We should have worked for the venue change. Instead, we chicked out of the kiss close and then the girls ended up leaving cause they didn't like that bar in addition to the fact that we didn't give them the true amazing experience we were more than capable of giving.

Irish Girls:
We opened this 3 set of Irish girls. The cutest one was the one I ended up talking to when I got into the set. Let's call her Irish PhD as she is working on her Ph.D. As I'm writing this, I just realized that I need to remember this set when I'm hesitant to talk. RSD Tim talks about playing out this story in your head about how a set is going to go. Besides taking you out of being "in the moment," you can never tell how a set is going to go until you enter. I would have pictured this chubby redhead in the set to be the friendliest and the cutest on the least friendly, but it turned out opposite. Irish PhD was a sweet girl who seemed high buying temperature and she also kept the conversation going. She was very outgoing.

I felt like the set was on. The conversation was going well and she was responding to my minimal kino. She occasionally dropped this thing about her boyfriend. She has a serious boyfriend back in Ireland, but she's her in the states studying. Now, I know that you're supposed to just ignore that. I'm realistic also that she might love this guy but she also still has desires. She's most likely already cheated on him, but honestly, that doesn't mean that she doesn't love him or won't end up married to the guy. I just felt like maybe I should work the redhead since I do love redheads and somehow felt it might be easier than trying to close this cutie with the boyfriend. Who knows if it would have worked, but the opportunity was there. Irish PhD was high buying temperature, so I should have just continued to sarge her.

Instead, I started talking to the redhead but she wasn't as outgoing as the other two girls. I also didn't feel any connection with her. Seagull's target ended up leaving for a bit so Seagull started talking to my girl. He was doing well with her too but he heard the boyfriend story too and didn't try to proceed.

We have to dance:
The set was going well until we were faced with the dance floor dilemma. I could tell Irish PhD wanted to dance. A song even came up that I liked and normally would dance to even by myself. I didn't want to take her to the dance floor. She ended up pulling Seagull's original girl onto the dance floor.

Seagull won't go onto the dance floor cause he tells me he doesn't dance, even though he's made out with girls on the dance floor before. Eventually, I get him out there. Both of us, though, won't dance with the girls. For awhile, I kept thinking about how it's dumb that I'm now willing to go on the dance floor by myself yet I'm still scared to try to dance with girls we've already been in set with. I realized on the drive home that I'll go dance by myself cause I really don't care what people watching me think. I could care less if some chode laughs at me so that's why I'll dance on an empty dance floor by myself. I guess I didn't want to really try to dance with the girls cause I was afraid they'd reject me. Stupid fear, of course, cause they liked us and would be fine with dancing. That fear of rejection is still strong in me at times and I need to work on conquering that.

Seagull danced by himself and we danced by each other but wouldn't dance by the girls. Eventually some dudes starting with some of the girls.

Half assed venue change attempts:
Near the end of the night, we've drifted away from our girls and there are guys trying to sarge our girls. I grabbed Seagull and told him we have to do something. Of course, I knew what to do, but I was hoping I could motivate him to do something or by trying to motivate him, I was hoping I could make myself go do something. Seagull said he went up to the girls and mentioned going to Clarke's but they said they were probably going to bed after the bar. He knows, of course, that you gotta oversell the place and then mention going.

After that ateempt, I saw my girl by the bar. I told Seagull that at least he made an effort. I felt I should do the same. I'll give myself credit for this. I knew that I to pump her state up and then I could go for the venue change.

I went over to her and said, "Hey, you're not falling asleep yet are you? Hey, high five."

I continued, "You know, I wish we could transport ourselves to Las Vegas or Miami. I hear the bars don't close there. Wouldn't that be awesome?" I told two stories about LV and Miami.

She was finished paying her bill so she walked back to the table which was right nest to the bar. These Eastern Europeans girls next to us were celebrating a birthday. The girls had flowers and balloons bunched up so they could take them home. I pointed to the balloons and said, "We need to grab those balloons that way, wherever we go, there be a party. We'd just let the balloons go and have fun." Irish PhD giggled.

The lines sound silly but the delivery was right. I had pumped her state again. Then, I pulled away and talked to Seagull. It's like I knew I needed to push this venue changed and I decided to just pull away and not ask for it.

We're both off:
That's just what it was tonight. We lacked the complete confidence to follow through on what we knew we needed to do. We went home without girls as a result. Seagull's game was strong. Even after not talking to his original target for that last hour, she still wanted him. I remember she had been dancing with this guy. Seagull and I were at the table. She came walking up and went right to Seagull. I think she even had her arm around him. The guy had followed and was looking at her talking to Seagull. As I wing, I knew I had to talk to the dude to distract him. I didn't want to, but I was ready to do so. I just watched. I told myself if the dude tried to jump in, then I'd intercept him and talk about some BS. He didn't have strong game as he just stood there dumbfounded. Seagull told me that she told him something like, "Sorry, I've been stuck dancing with this guy."

Unfortunately, Seagull didn't do anything. We ended up just leaving and we both feel stupid about our failure and our half effort attempts to push for the venue change.

I told him on the ride home, "I know you know this, but obviously she wanted you. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have come up to you like that trying to get you to get rid of the chode."

Progress:
We've made progress in two days. In a way, it's like starting over, but we're learning the lessons over the span of hours whereas it took weeks or months, and even years, when we first started. Bam, we're past the approach anxiety. Bam, we're getting into good sets and getting in sets where the girls want us to kiss close them. I feel like I'm back to my level of game right before I had that wild New Years Week at the end of 2009. It sucks that my game dropped but that's what happens when you don't practice it. When I view it against being completely antisocial and making this much progress in two days, I feel a ton better. I never mentioned it here, but I let myself get so fucked up at one point this last four months, that I felt uncomfortable being out out in public while shopping at Walmart.

I'm gonna work on kino escalation and I'm gonna watch Ozzie's Transformation video series again so I can get back into that closer mentality. I should be happy with the progress I've made in a short time and believe that with dedication, I'll again regain my skills and soon create even more exciting experiences.

It's a start

It's a start

I finally went out sarging Sunday night. I kept saying throughout the night that I should have come back one day earlier cause there are a ton of sets out Saturday night. We were surprised,though, how many people were out for a Sunday. Seagull and I started in Wicker Park. The first places we went to had one or two sets in them but we didn't open. As we were about to go to the car, we stopped in this bar that had a 5 set in it. We were joking around but we were afraid to open for at least twenty minutes. Finally, we decided to leave but I told myself I was gonna open the set as we were walking by on our way out.

As I was approaching, I felt like I had picked a bad time. One girl had her head faced down and was propping it up with both hands. It was like she was frustrated about something. I opened this brunette who smiled and Seagull told me later that a blonde across the taable smiled too. I did the hard part but then I could feel my state drop which I'm sure the girls noticed and I ejected. I know what I did wrong. Whether the girls smile or not, I should have just kept talking and I probably would have hooked the set.

We ended up on Division and two bars had a good amount of people inside. I found this cute blonde from Wisconsin who I opened but she ended up walking away. Seagull took forever to open but I'm glad he finally did.

Next time I go out, I have to focus on opening sets sooner and plowing. Part of me keeps asking myself what I'm supposed to say in set. I know from experience that what I say doesn't matter. There are so many ways to take the set. I can be playful and tease them. I can tell stories. I know I'm just out of practice. I have to open the set and continue with the same confidence that I opened the set with and just keep talking. It's the old adage of staying in set and getting a "no" out of them.

I'm pleased to say my state was great. I felt alive being out. I was in what TD calls the raging brush fire state. I was having a blast. I just couldn't translate that into the sets but I'm sure I will. My only regret is there was this hot brunette with a shell necklace on. I wanted to open her but she was with another girl and some lame looking guy. I know mixed 3 sets are good to open but I didn't feel ready to deal with all that. Excuses that I hope to avoid next time I'm out. Regret is always the worst ting to feel about a set. I'd feel better if I opened her and she told me to fuck off cause at least I know I tried. I'll remember that the next time I have hesitation about opening.

I'm also happy that I still maintain my confidence in dancing. I'm not opening sets on the dance floor but I was still able to go out and dance to whatever song I liked. I went on and danced alone on the dance floor cause I've really learned to not care what people think. This is still a huge thing for me cause of basically my entire life, until the past year and a half, I was terrified of being on the dance floor.

A funny thing happened at Leg Room. I was dancing by myself on the dance floor and some dude started dancing next to me. Then, he got closer to me and his body was touching me like he was trying to dance with me. I figured he was just messing with me so I grinded on him for a few seconds. He seemed to want to keep doing it but I didn't. I'm not into guys but I'm comfortable with myself to grind on the dude for a few seconds. I laughed and pulled away and started dancing with myself.

Anyway, we're going out Monday even though we know it's gonna be slow. Unfortunately, Seagull is going out of town for the rest of the week or I'm sure we'd sarge every day. I suppose I should try to get out for St Patrick's Day.

Realizing my value and how I held myself back

Realizing my value and how I held myself back

I've been watching some videos and doing some soul searching as I prepare to start sarging again this week. This isn't anything new, but I realized why I didn't have better success. I was to blame, but not in the way that I thought. Deep down, I just didn't believe I deserved these hot girls. Sure, I'd approach and run game. I've gotten enough practice over the years that it's to do that.

Thinking back, though, I can remember my mindset when I'd see a hot girl at the club. I'd be thinking that she's hot and I need to approach. Unfortunately, there would also be a part of me that just didn't think I was good enough for her. It's the fallacy of coming up with an empty cup to the girl and trying to ask her to fill it for me. I played up my supposed inadequacies instead of playing up my strengths. I need to watch that scene in "Swingers" again. In fact, I'll do just that after I finish this post. It's the scene where the Vince Vaughn character (Trent) is talking to John Favreau's (Mikey) character who's been hiding out in his house, depressed, for a few days. Trent tells Mikey that Mikey keeps thinking about what he doesn't have instead of focusing on what he has. Trent goes on to point out those strengths.

I realize that I do bring my unique value. Without tooting my own horn too much, which is lame, let me just write a few things here. I feel that actually etching it onto the blog will help me remember it when I need to out in the field. When we're on, my wings and I are the life of the bar or club. We're the ones talking to everyone in the club and just having fun. Beyond that I bring a wealth of travel experiences from around the world, a general upbeat view of things (well, when I'm not hiding out like I have been the past few months), and I'm open minded and nonjudgmental about women and their sexuality.

When I see that hot girl, I should not be thinking, "Wow, I wish I were good enough for her." I hate to admit it, but I know that's what I was thinking. I'd open them and my game is even good enough that they'd like me, but that defeatist attitude would rear it's head. I'd feel that it was on, but I'd fail to escalate and go for the close. Sometimes, I would even deny the blatantly obvious IOI's because deep down, I couldn't believe she'd actually be in to me.

If I fix this, and I actually feel like I'm close now, then I should begin to have even better success in the field. I word it as that because reflecting on my past experiences, I'd have to say I had some damn exciting adventures. BTW, my new friend made me understand a good point. I'd describe my adventures as "crazy stuff that happened to me." I should take ownership of those adventures. They didn't just happen, I made them happen by being me.

I even think about some of my colossal failures. There were many and I seriously fucked up a lot of lays. I think about one of my first times out with Seagull. When he was leaving a set and something clicked in my mind. He said these guys were with the girls. I sensed that they weren't and I just decided that I was gonna pick up those girls. The dudes had been buying the girls drinks for hours, and we swoop in and the next thing you know, they are venueing changing with us. That was with all the craziness of having to herd them through all these horning guys that were latching on cause they could sense the drunk girls who wanted to hook up. Thinking back on that, I did some matrix like PUA stuff that day.

Of course, some people who might remember that instance might also remember my screwup. There was a hot redhead in that set that wanted me. She was giving me all the signs and responded well to my kino. When we got to the second bar, a guy tried to sarger her and I put my arm around her and blew him out. Then, I just failed to escalate and decided I was gonna talk to the ugly girl in the set to win her over. That was just an excuse and a misapplication of that technique. I had won her over early in the set, that's how I pulled the girls off the initial guys. I needed to isolate my hot redhead and start kissing and making out with her. Instead, I let that guy that I just blew out isolate her to the dance floor and start kissing her. As much of a screw up as that was, I still look fondly on the night.

Now that I've been away from the scene, I realize how even our bad nights were still cool. When we didn't really go far in any sets, we still had a blast and I really did feel alive being out there. That's why I want to get back into this.

Finally, let me go back to that idea of realizing my value. When I see the hot girl, I have to think about what Tim says in his "Flawless Natural" video series. I need to be thinking, "That's for me." I need to approach believing totally in my game. I'll attract her cause I've gotten good at that with practice; attraction, then is a given. I just have to escalate and push for the close and believe I'm gonna make it happen. I really will add value to her life, or at the very least, her evening. Otherwise, if I don't, she might just wind up with some loser who just happens to be alpha and aggressive. All I have to do is lead and be aggressive myself and I'll create a magical experience for both her and I.

Sexually liberated women & My Possible return

Sexually liberated women & My possible return

Tonight I had this amazing conversation with this woman.  It's one of those conversations that will just stick in my mind.  It was totally uninhibited.  We talked about some crazy sexual experiences.  She's open about that stuff anyway, and I just ate it up.  It so cool to be able to talk to a woman who is so open about her sexuality.  There are more girls out there like this but of course societal pressure makes them bottle it up.  It also doesn't help that most guys are judgmental.  Of course, I'm the exact opposite.  We talked about sex like we were talking about anything else.  Stories that people would look down upon, I got excited about. 

I know from the community that woman are sexual beings.  Some would argue that they even enjoy sex more than us guys.  As I progressed in the game, more girls feel comfortable being open about their sexual desires and experiences.  It's just like TD's old forum post says, you become part of a secret society where you see how girls want sex just as much as we do. 

This conversation was not new in that sense, but I never met a woman who had so many wild sexual experiences.  Like I had her tell me about being with two guys, or having sex at a party with people watching, or experimenting with a girl and another guy, or hooking up with random guys.  This woman is even in a type of open marriage.  Again, this is stuff most people would look down upon, but in my world, it earns you huge points.  I could tell she felt some pressure to feel bad about some of the stuff, but I gave her my honest opinion that I felt  there was nothing wrong with this stuff, and in fact I thought she was awesome for being free enough to do this stuff and be able to talk about it.

Now, don't get the wrong idea.  I may be turned on by the stories, but I'm not infatuated with this woman.  I view her as a cool friend.  She fun to talk to and cool in many ways.  What's amazing too is that she understands a lot of the male-female dynamics.  I'm talking about the theory stuff I read from the likes of TD.  Like she was telling me why certain things worked on her when she used to go out to bars, and it was right on when it comes to theory.  She just seems to have a natural awareness of what turns her on and what works and doesn't work.  Obviously, she hasn't researched it as I have. 

Remembering the excitement and randomness of the club:
Apparently, she sort of female PUA.  She's not really going out to pick up anymore, but when she goes out, she's talking to everyone at the bar.  On our good nights, that's what my wings I and used to do before I feel into this rut that I've been for the past few months.  We brought the party the bar, in addition to picking up the girls.  As she told me some stories, I related some of my interesting adventures and it got me thinking about how much fun it was to be out sarging. 

Literally, as I'm writing this, I'm feeling those good feelings I used to get from being out sarging.  I miss them and I'm determined to make them happen again.

Where I've been:
I've been in a really horrible place.  Been feeling shitty and hiding out in a computer game.  Barely have felt like talking to people and my friends have noticed.  I isolated myself and just withered away.  It's like I became the exact opposite of the cool PUA self I was.  I guess I'm bipolar, but it's also other stuff that I don't want to discuss right now. 

A comeback?
Well, I'm tired of writing that.  Who knows what's gonna happen?  I know that I'm gonna move forward from where I am.  I'm almost as low as I can be so I can only go upwards.  Things were finally moving forward this week and I think this conversation just jump started things.

As I said, I remembered how much fun I had sarging and how I was starting to have those wild experiences I dreamed about when I started the game.  I loved the crazy fun that happened.  I enjoyed meeting new girls.  I like hooking up and that was becoming more frequent.  I don't know why I've been hiding out in this BS shell of existence I've been in for months. 

I think if I start doing the right things again, things will get better.  I'll start running again as that always kept me balance.  I know it's gonna be hell starting up again.  I'll start sarging again and I know I'm gonna be shit.  Like literally, I've become so antisocial these past few months and I felt weird being out in public.  I know that practice will make that better and I know how I was able to transform myself so I know I can get there again. 

As this time, I'm gonna have a better mindset that I had before.  You see, this conversation with my new friend will stick with me.  There are more girls like this new friend I have and I'm gonna find them.  I'm sure I've actually met them but they didn't get to experience my true self.  I'm sure many girls I sarged would never have guess how open and nonjudgmental I am.  I need to find a way to weave that into the conversation.  As the community says, if you put out that vibe that you're a sexual being and you're comfortable hooking up with girls that same night and won't judge them for you, then it's gonna happen.  As TD says, if, on the other hand, you are show you're gonna judge them, then they'll play that roll for you.  They'll make you wait weeks for sex.  I'm gonna try to be more the lover and not give out the provider/boyfriend vibe. 

That's the goal, but I have to make baby steps.  Today I start running and maybe I'll have some new blogs up soon.