Speaking of forced, I'm really forcing myself to write these posts. I think I'm gonna take a break after this one. The one I really should write about concerns Sunday night where I almost pulled. I don't think I would have gotten in the right mind set had this not happened.
I ended up staying in Friday night as Seagull and 2j couldn't go out. I was tired from this week as well. I text Nintendo and he was busy at a wedding. I text some other wings and it looked like I could go to the local suburb place for no cover. I thought about doing that but whatever I decided look like it was going to be a solo sarging night. I really dreaded having to do this so I stayed in.
Saturday was similiar, though Nintendo claimed he was going out to River North. He's been flaky about meeting up. 2j says Nintendo is doing this "high value" thing that he does where he doesn't respond and gets flaky because he has too much stuff going on. I can understand that as I sometimes do that unintentionally to people when I have too many possible plans available on a given night. In retrospect, I could have bugged him more and this other wing who said he was coming out, but once I was in the venue, I was solo and decided to just deal with it.
I didn't want to stand around and do nothing all night but I also couldn't get myself to open. I was hoping the wings would show up but I never text them again either because I didn't want to seem like I was nagging them. In any case, I told myself that even if they showed up, I'd have to make things happen for myself so I might as well do that now without bothering them.
I set a time limit for myself to do something. I gave myself 45 minutes to stand around and try to dance or just walk around.
Oklahoma guy saves me:
There was this bachelor party from Oklahoma at the bar. I was standing around when this guy opened me. He was cool and just exchanging a few words got me in a more social mood. I opened my first set shortly after that. I then opened another girl. I made the mistake of not building on that momentum. I knew that stalling would make it harder to open again and sure enough, I had to take another 10 minutes to get myself going again.
In the end, I didn't get any sets hooked, but I did force myself to go into sets. I felt shitty about it, but then I realized I was being to hard on myself. I realized that this was far better than that hour I was alone the previous week. I actually did make an effort. Yeah, compared to Christmas, or to when I was going out solo a lot, I sucked on this evening. I shouldn't compare myself to then. I can't expect to maintain skills when I don't go out. Furthermore, Tyler has explained that I should just create low standards and just be happy about opening as that's a good way to build momentum and state.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Taking action and realizing I'm sabotaging myself
I'm finally to Sunday, the day that actually matters. It's funny that I could have let my evening start out badly when some drunk idiot looked at me and said, "Fuck you!" as I walked by him. His friend told him, "Settle down." I just flicked him off and as I kept walking and didn't even look at him or turn around at any point. I was aware enough of my surrounding to tell if he were following me or coming back but I basically ignored him other than the finger. I just mention this because I know guys who would have either gotten into a fight or just let this incident mess with their head.
Early on, I had this point where I realized, "Oh yeah, it feels good to take action even if you get busted out and feel awkward." I saw this Indian girl that I normally would have opened. I opened her after only a minute of contemplating. Right after that, I thought about going into this big bachelorette set. I had this thought on several nights this week with several big sets and always made excuses. This time, after waiting for them to stop pictures, I walked up. I tried to open two different girls and they totally blew me off and I felt stupid for a second. Then, I felt really good.
Yes, it felt good to get rejected because I had done what I wanted to do. Had I not opened the set, I would have felt negative emotions. When I hesitate too much, I start wondering why I can't do what I used to do and I start beating myself up. I suppose sometimes that prods me to act later, but mostly it's just bad. I want to be the guy that used to open any set. I want to be the guy that sometimes is brave enough to jump in the middle of the 3 girls on the dance floor.
Tall blonde giving me IOI's:
This set was a screw up, but I think it helped me later in the night and will help me for awhile. We were in this bar that had live band karaoke going on. I spotted two hot tall blondes walking towards the bar. I followed them and Seagull and I ended up standing near them. We were both thinking about opening and then I finally decided to just do it. I remember thinking about how good it felt to do the bachelorette set. I again thought how I hate the feeling of not taking action so much.
Someone was singing Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer." I walked toward the set and was singing along with the song. When I was next to them, I said, "Come on, you gotta know the words. Why aren't you singing along?" The girl smiled and started singing along. I knew that compliance was an IOI. I tried to talk to the other girl, but this first one was more receptive.
Seagull then came in and started talking to my target. I thought about prodding him to talk to the other girl. Suddenly, he just walked away. I then walked away.
I hurt myself:
I said immediately that it was dumb that I left. I thought about 2j reminded me in the past that hot girls don't give a lot of the normal IOI's you get from average girls. If a hot girl is standing there talking to you, that's an IOI. They won't waste time talking to you if they don't want to talk to you. This is in contrast to average girls or ugly girls who don't have the confidence to chase guys off sometimes or just like the attention. Despite having heard this theory, I know this from experience as well. Hot girls either blow you off abruptly, or they tell you the scoop right away. They won't waste their time if there is not some interest there.
I knew I the initial compliance was a good sign. On top of that, she was smiling while talking to me. There was no reason to leave the set. I just didn't believe that I was deserved her so I left and used Seagull as an excuse.
I hope I'll learn this lesson for next time. I still have this big confidence issue with tall girls. This is despite having some good interactions with several tall girls. I guess if I hooked up with one, I'd solve this for good. In the meantime, I'll still struggle with it.
In any case, the lesson here is the same lesson for many of the sets this past week. If I just believed in myself and assumed it was on, things might have happened more like the last set of Sunday night.
Early on, I had this point where I realized, "Oh yeah, it feels good to take action even if you get busted out and feel awkward." I saw this Indian girl that I normally would have opened. I opened her after only a minute of contemplating. Right after that, I thought about going into this big bachelorette set. I had this thought on several nights this week with several big sets and always made excuses. This time, after waiting for them to stop pictures, I walked up. I tried to open two different girls and they totally blew me off and I felt stupid for a second. Then, I felt really good.
Yes, it felt good to get rejected because I had done what I wanted to do. Had I not opened the set, I would have felt negative emotions. When I hesitate too much, I start wondering why I can't do what I used to do and I start beating myself up. I suppose sometimes that prods me to act later, but mostly it's just bad. I want to be the guy that used to open any set. I want to be the guy that sometimes is brave enough to jump in the middle of the 3 girls on the dance floor.
Tall blonde giving me IOI's:
This set was a screw up, but I think it helped me later in the night and will help me for awhile. We were in this bar that had live band karaoke going on. I spotted two hot tall blondes walking towards the bar. I followed them and Seagull and I ended up standing near them. We were both thinking about opening and then I finally decided to just do it. I remember thinking about how good it felt to do the bachelorette set. I again thought how I hate the feeling of not taking action so much.
Someone was singing Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer." I walked toward the set and was singing along with the song. When I was next to them, I said, "Come on, you gotta know the words. Why aren't you singing along?" The girl smiled and started singing along. I knew that compliance was an IOI. I tried to talk to the other girl, but this first one was more receptive.
Seagull then came in and started talking to my target. I thought about prodding him to talk to the other girl. Suddenly, he just walked away. I then walked away.
I hurt myself:
I said immediately that it was dumb that I left. I thought about 2j reminded me in the past that hot girls don't give a lot of the normal IOI's you get from average girls. If a hot girl is standing there talking to you, that's an IOI. They won't waste time talking to you if they don't want to talk to you. This is in contrast to average girls or ugly girls who don't have the confidence to chase guys off sometimes or just like the attention. Despite having heard this theory, I know this from experience as well. Hot girls either blow you off abruptly, or they tell you the scoop right away. They won't waste their time if there is not some interest there.
I knew I the initial compliance was a good sign. On top of that, she was smiling while talking to me. There was no reason to leave the set. I just didn't believe that I was deserved her so I left and used Seagull as an excuse.
I hope I'll learn this lesson for next time. I still have this big confidence issue with tall girls. This is despite having some good interactions with several tall girls. I guess if I hooked up with one, I'd solve this for good. In the meantime, I'll still struggle with it.
In any case, the lesson here is the same lesson for many of the sets this past week. If I just believed in myself and assumed it was on, things might have happened more like the last set of Sunday night.
Week in review: Finding myself
I've been busy this past week and haven't had time to write. As the post ideas collected in my head, I felt less inclined to create the posts when I had time today. I know writing has helped me improve in the past, I know in the future it helps me track progress, so here I am writing.
I went out Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat and Sunday. Going out frequently, of course, is how you make progress in this game, and I'm surprised how far I've come in a week.
Tuesday:
Seagull picked me up and we went to the local place with a huge beer garden. I pregamed with 4 beers and then had too many at the bar. I felt stupid when I overate afterwards, but on the bright side, the next day, I decided to get back into a cutting diet. That's for my fitness log, I suppose.
I'm almost embarrassed to write about what happened, and I also can't believe how much my mindset has changed in just this week. Seagull and I got into a 2-set that was going well. That was after I stood around a lot and was afraid to open. Seagull opened a few sets and after winging, I forced myself to open, but I hesitated far too many times. This would be a theme of the week, especially on a forced solo mission Saturday that I'm making a short post about later.
My target got a text from a guy friend that said he was on his way. After that, Seagull moved us all to the bags game that was set up on the lawn area. Just as we were starting to play, the guy showed up. Being in a shitty zone, I wasn't confident enough to deal with the situation. I left to go to the bathroom and proceeded to have more drinks drowning my sorrows. Seagull text me asking me to come back.
I got a huge IOI from the girl when she was happy to see me and said she was wondering why I was gone so long. Despite that, I still wasn't confident to deal with all this stuff. Then, a guy and two girls showed up so I started talking to them. I somehow agreed to play bags with them but I got saved when Seagull returned the props for the game that he had checked out under his ID.
That girl liked me and I realized how dumb I was later in the night. I also realized that I all I had to do was just be social and then keep talking to my girl and that set would have been fine. It's not liked I needed massive AMOG game; the guy was just a chump AFC who I let keep talking to her because I left.
Wednesday:
I opened more frequently on this night but I still had too much anxiety compared to where I had been in the past. The set of the night was at the end. Ironically, I had spotted the girl that I ended up having a solid interaction with earlier in the night. I had thought about opening her but didn't because she seemed to have been in a big set. It turns out she was from Belgium and was with another girl from there who had studied here in Chicago. The other girls were random Chicago girls that they had met.
Seagull opened this one girl who was standing by the girl that would be my Belgium girl and one of the Chicago girls. I tried to come into wing but I didn't hook my two girls and Seagull had his girl isolated. He looked like he was doing very well and I just walked off and played in my phone.
As I was standing around, I thought about how I used to open street sets like crazy after this bar closed and here I was terrified to do so. Seagull then text me to come back and I was surprised to see he was just with his girl and the girl I had spotted earlier: again, these were the two Belgium girls.
My girl liked to talk a lot and we got involved in a conversation. I actually was trying to venue change to after hours. She said that she had to go with the big group. As I was talking to my girl, some random black guy was trying to steal the two girls from Seagull (his target, and this Chicago blonde that had returned). The guy was saying dumb stuff like, "Come smoke marijuana (yes, he said that, not "weed" or any other perforative term)." When the girls didn't want to go, he said even stupider stuff like, "You're gonna go with him?!" and later "Go ahead and get raped by this guy."
I would have said some stuff to get rid of him, but my girl was busy talking to me and we were face to face with strong eye contact. The guy didn't even try to interfere with me because it looked like the girl and I knew each other.
My mistake ended up being that I didn't try to tag along with the group. On Thursday, 2j made me realize that I too often try to just alpha lead a set to come with me, or to get the girl to leave the group. He reminded me that the other method is to just tag along with the group. He said often you have to do this with these 21 year olds who won't leave their group.
Thursday:
We checked out this new bar that had free arcade games. Surprisingly, there were more girls that you would expect here. I again wasn't approaching as often as I should have been. Also, the games were too distracting. I improved as the night progressed and 2j and I ended up in this 2-set at the end that liked us. 2j didn't want to stay in because he said his girl was a "6." He said if he could have pulled her right then, he would have but he explained that the set wanted to stay out till close and we would have had to stay out all night. He said that now that he's not drinking, he'd rather just go to sleep since his girl wasn't that hot.
I should/could have tried to tag along with the group again. This set made me realize that once again, I doubted myself. 2j said that we were basically part of the group and when my target threw out the after hours idea (she knew an owner at this blues bar), we should/could assume we were tagging along. I knew the set was going well up to this point, but then I started to doubt if they wanted us to come with.
I went out Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat and Sunday. Going out frequently, of course, is how you make progress in this game, and I'm surprised how far I've come in a week.
Tuesday:
Seagull picked me up and we went to the local place with a huge beer garden. I pregamed with 4 beers and then had too many at the bar. I felt stupid when I overate afterwards, but on the bright side, the next day, I decided to get back into a cutting diet. That's for my fitness log, I suppose.
I'm almost embarrassed to write about what happened, and I also can't believe how much my mindset has changed in just this week. Seagull and I got into a 2-set that was going well. That was after I stood around a lot and was afraid to open. Seagull opened a few sets and after winging, I forced myself to open, but I hesitated far too many times. This would be a theme of the week, especially on a forced solo mission Saturday that I'm making a short post about later.
My target got a text from a guy friend that said he was on his way. After that, Seagull moved us all to the bags game that was set up on the lawn area. Just as we were starting to play, the guy showed up. Being in a shitty zone, I wasn't confident enough to deal with the situation. I left to go to the bathroom and proceeded to have more drinks drowning my sorrows. Seagull text me asking me to come back.
I got a huge IOI from the girl when she was happy to see me and said she was wondering why I was gone so long. Despite that, I still wasn't confident to deal with all this stuff. Then, a guy and two girls showed up so I started talking to them. I somehow agreed to play bags with them but I got saved when Seagull returned the props for the game that he had checked out under his ID.
That girl liked me and I realized how dumb I was later in the night. I also realized that I all I had to do was just be social and then keep talking to my girl and that set would have been fine. It's not liked I needed massive AMOG game; the guy was just a chump AFC who I let keep talking to her because I left.
Wednesday:
I opened more frequently on this night but I still had too much anxiety compared to where I had been in the past. The set of the night was at the end. Ironically, I had spotted the girl that I ended up having a solid interaction with earlier in the night. I had thought about opening her but didn't because she seemed to have been in a big set. It turns out she was from Belgium and was with another girl from there who had studied here in Chicago. The other girls were random Chicago girls that they had met.
Seagull opened this one girl who was standing by the girl that would be my Belgium girl and one of the Chicago girls. I tried to come into wing but I didn't hook my two girls and Seagull had his girl isolated. He looked like he was doing very well and I just walked off and played in my phone.
As I was standing around, I thought about how I used to open street sets like crazy after this bar closed and here I was terrified to do so. Seagull then text me to come back and I was surprised to see he was just with his girl and the girl I had spotted earlier: again, these were the two Belgium girls.
My girl liked to talk a lot and we got involved in a conversation. I actually was trying to venue change to after hours. She said that she had to go with the big group. As I was talking to my girl, some random black guy was trying to steal the two girls from Seagull (his target, and this Chicago blonde that had returned). The guy was saying dumb stuff like, "Come smoke marijuana (yes, he said that, not "weed" or any other perforative term)." When the girls didn't want to go, he said even stupider stuff like, "You're gonna go with him?!" and later "Go ahead and get raped by this guy."
I would have said some stuff to get rid of him, but my girl was busy talking to me and we were face to face with strong eye contact. The guy didn't even try to interfere with me because it looked like the girl and I knew each other.
My mistake ended up being that I didn't try to tag along with the group. On Thursday, 2j made me realize that I too often try to just alpha lead a set to come with me, or to get the girl to leave the group. He reminded me that the other method is to just tag along with the group. He said often you have to do this with these 21 year olds who won't leave their group.
Thursday:
We checked out this new bar that had free arcade games. Surprisingly, there were more girls that you would expect here. I again wasn't approaching as often as I should have been. Also, the games were too distracting. I improved as the night progressed and 2j and I ended up in this 2-set at the end that liked us. 2j didn't want to stay in because he said his girl was a "6." He said if he could have pulled her right then, he would have but he explained that the set wanted to stay out till close and we would have had to stay out all night. He said that now that he's not drinking, he'd rather just go to sleep since his girl wasn't that hot.
I should/could have tried to tag along with the group again. This set made me realize that once again, I doubted myself. 2j said that we were basically part of the group and when my target threw out the after hours idea (she knew an owner at this blues bar), we should/could assume we were tagging along. I knew the set was going well up to this point, but then I started to doubt if they wanted us to come with.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Gazing into the eyes of hot girls is bring back my confidence
I think it was Tyler who said that sometimes you just have to find the confidence from within (i.e. develop inner game) and ignore the negative feedback and eventually you start to get the positive feedback. This was so true for me for the longest time. I had to find some way to believe in myself, or at least believe in the process (believe that if I kept going out, I'd eventually get some success). I had to ignore all the rejections and negative feedback and experiences I was having and just believe this PUA skill was possible to develop.
I again am reminded that no matter what, I can't really have a bad night like I did back in those days. Well, if I want to stand around and not talk to anyone I can duplicate the AFC days, but if I actually talk to some girls, I won't have the nights I had back in the day.
I know I have to believe in myself, but realistically I still have my doubts. I keep wondering how far the layoff really has set me back but some of feedback I've been getting is forcing me to conclude that if I keep going out, I'll gain the skill back faster that I might expect.
Ultimately, I have to believe in myself if I want the girl to believe that she's going to have a good time with me, but what was strange these last two days is that there have been several sets where the girls have been trying to believe in me.
In other words, this is the opposite of the situation I described above. I've been developing inner game from the results of my outer game: the feedback I'm getting from girls.
I mentioned in the 2-set post that there were moments early on where that brunette was gazing into my eyes but I didn't make it happen there. Maybe I lacked kino, or maybe I just didn't have enough time considering the situation as we were getting kicked out of that bar as it was closing time. The set that sticks out in my mind was this cute blonde on Division.
I haven't been to Division in last summer as it's so trashy now but Seagull convinced me to try it again. He remembered how it was years ago and thought it would be good. I thought maybe it could be decent since I hadn't been there in like 10 months, but I again concluded that I'm never going out there again.
Somehow, I found the type of girl that 2J would described as the classy type of girl we'd find in River North at Barleycorn or Moe's. We walked into one of the few bars that had no cover and that Seagull could get into with shorts and I went up to the set I spotted as we walked in. It turned out to be a massive set, but it looked like liked a mixed 4 set with a guy and girl talking and two girls talking (this blonde and some average looking brunette).
I give myself credit for just walking in and opening without hesitation considering how I stood around for that hour at the beginning of the night not opening anyone. The no name wing came into wing me and Seagull later came in and engaged some other girls that ended up being part of the set.
The girl was a really cute, had a nice body from what I could tell (wasn't fat, wasn't too thin but I really didn't get to check her out as she was seated). On top of that, she was a med student at the Med school one of my buddy's wife attended years ago. This girl is quality. This is the type of girl 2j would want. I agree. This is the type of girl we'd want to develop some sort of LTR. This is in contrast to a hot club girl that we'd want to hook up with but wouldn't want to date.
Anyway, the key point here is that despite the negative thought I was having because part of me was still thinking about that 2-set experience from earlier in the night, this girl liked me.
We were just gazing into each other's eyes as we were talking. There were two times where we just happened to stop talking and kept locked eye contact. I remember once she giggled to break the sexual tension.
Now, the layoff has regressed my game, as I failed with this set. The guy friend came in and started talking to the brunette and the blonde. I just went into spectator mode and then started talking to the no name wing. Then some other guy that was probably just a med school guy friend came in and sat by my girl. On even a normal day where I'm not this rusty and having self doubt in the way I've had lately, I would have just kept talking to my target or at least found out how they all knew each other. Instead, I gave up.
On top of that, as I wrote about and thought about the eye contact and sexual tension we had, I realized that had I had her isolated I likely could have kissed her. Giving that I didn't have her isolated, and hadn't figured out the situation with the guys, I could have at least said something like Ozzie suggested in "Transformations." I could have said something like, "You know, talking to you, you're giving me that funny feeling. I haven't felt this way in awhile." I then could have asked if she was single (2j likes to do that and that could have worked here). I also could have tried to isolate her upstairs.
Okay, the mistakes were obvious, but obviously, I still need a lot more days of going out before I learn the lessons I have forgotten due to this break.
The key here is that yes girls find me attractive. I may be rusty, I may have my doubts, but that PUA inside me is partially shining through. Being in the wrong mindset, I've been too willing to focus on the negatives, but I can't deny the positive evidence.
Wow, I really forgot how good it can feel to have a mutual attraction going with a pretty girl, to have that sexual tension brewing because I can be that attractive PUA guy I sometimes can be. I'm not desperate for sex like I used to be or even desiring it that much, but the feelings I'm getting even with these sets reminds me of why I got into this.
The lesson is the same as from Friday night. If I keep going out, I'm going to get more evidence like this. I'm gonna gain more confidence in myself. I'm going to make the right moves that I know I need to make. I'm going to start having real success again and I'll surpass that crazy week period in the summer with the almost daily kiss closes, and how things were really rolling again around Christmas.
2-set where I'm the guy that the girl doesn't want to hook up with
I focused far too much on this 2-set that happened near the end of the 3am regular closing time. I had broken out of my shell and made a few attempts that didn't go anywhere. I walked away from one girl because I wasn't that interested and didn't feel like putting the effort into a girl I didn't really want. The second time, the set stalled and I just walked away but perhaps I should have kept trying. In any case, it was near closing time and this guy that Seagull knew suggested we go to the downstairs bar area. There usually are no sets there near closing time but I went down with them.
I opened this 4 set and that stalled and I gave up again. As we were walking out, I saw this 2-set where both girls were playing with their phones. I used this new opener I created yesterday. I finally replaced that old TM506 phone I had and this phone has "Angry Birds" on it. I had heard about it but never played it. To be honest, I stopped the installation on this new phone because I'm afraid I'd like it, so I'm actually lying to the sets when I use this opener, but whatever. When I see girls playing with their phones, I walk up with my phone in hand and say, "Hey, I want in on this angry birds tournament. Hook me up with the bluetooth."
The 2-set was a short brunette and a blonde about my height who I found find out was horny as hell. Guys who know me would be surprised I didn't pick the blonde, but this brunette was the type I like: she had really pale skin. The blonde had a tan which I don't really like. The Tyler looking guy that Seagull introduced me to came into the set to wing me. I remember he spun the girl around and almost knocked my target over. Within a few minutes, he was making out with the girl.
My target told me that her friend was wild tonight. She said that blonde had let some guy finger her on the street. Fuck, why did I not choose her, is what I've thought at times in hindsight, but I also think there was probably some way I could have made this happen.
Then again, maybe this brunette and I just weren't compatible. I'll discuss that more later.
It was near closing time, and the Tyler guy suggested grabbing food. Prior to that, I had told my girl about after hours. My girl was a bit reluctant so then the two girls decided to go to the bathroom to discuss things. Seagull and this other wing (I don't know his screen name but he's a guy I met years ago through Seagull and Herschey) had gone outside because they thought this pull was gonna happen.
When they went to the bathroom, the Tyler guy and I discussed our plan. I knew that my girl wasn't that into me and I figured they were gonna come out and say they had to go.
This situation really triggers negative emotions in me. My negative side wants to identify with that pattern of me being in a 2-set where my friend/wing hooks up with the girl and my girls is not interested in me. That happened several times last year including that Slovakian beach Day 2 with Nintendo.
I feel so shitty when this happens because it reminds me of the old AFC days where other guys get girls and I'm always the guy that the girls don't like.
I know this isn't true now. Yeah, I've had some bad situations with 2-sets where my girl didn't like me, but I even think of that Willow set with Nintendo where his redhead just wandered off, and the girl I was stuck with wanted to fuck me. Then, I try to still be negative by saying that girl was fat so that doesn't count.
No, I know sometimes it just doesn't work out for the other guy. There have been countless sets where some girl liked me and the other girl didn't like 2j, Nintendo, or whomever. I actually just typed that I've never been in a set where I was the one who hooked up and my wing with his girl didn't, but then I truly got to see how part of me is just trying to be negative.
As I typed that sentence, I remembered that first SNL I ever had that one New Years with Seagull. We pulled a 2-set to his place and I hooked up with my girl and his girl fell asleep and he didn't get laid.
Bottom line is I have to stop trying to identify with this negative pattern. So what, this girl in the 2-set didn't want to hook up with me. I might not have been able to change that. What I should have done was get more physical early as I wasn't kinoing enough. She did like me at some point, the eye gazing was there. I was hoping they'd come to the after hours and more verbal game would have hooked her, but my kino had been week for this point of the night. My girl wasn't ready to hook up with me as we had just been talking so of course she told the blonde she didn't want to go home with us.
Yeah, the honest truth is that the girls knew that if they left with us, they were agreeing to hook up with us, and my girl wasn't ready for that.
Oh, and in closing, I just thought of this set I had with 2-j at Kincaid's last summer. It was during this week where I had a kiss close several days in a row and was trying to go to after hours with this set. There was a guy, three girls, 2j and I. His girl wanted him but it seemed like the guy knew 2j's girls boyfriend of something because she made it sound like nothing could happen because of the presence of that guy. My girl was ready to go to the after bar with me. I should have just gone with the set, but there is just another example where I"m not the guy holding up the close so again, I cannot justify identifying with this negative situation.
I opened this 4 set and that stalled and I gave up again. As we were walking out, I saw this 2-set where both girls were playing with their phones. I used this new opener I created yesterday. I finally replaced that old TM506 phone I had and this phone has "Angry Birds" on it. I had heard about it but never played it. To be honest, I stopped the installation on this new phone because I'm afraid I'd like it, so I'm actually lying to the sets when I use this opener, but whatever. When I see girls playing with their phones, I walk up with my phone in hand and say, "Hey, I want in on this angry birds tournament. Hook me up with the bluetooth."
The 2-set was a short brunette and a blonde about my height who I found find out was horny as hell. Guys who know me would be surprised I didn't pick the blonde, but this brunette was the type I like: she had really pale skin. The blonde had a tan which I don't really like. The Tyler looking guy that Seagull introduced me to came into the set to wing me. I remember he spun the girl around and almost knocked my target over. Within a few minutes, he was making out with the girl.
My target told me that her friend was wild tonight. She said that blonde had let some guy finger her on the street. Fuck, why did I not choose her, is what I've thought at times in hindsight, but I also think there was probably some way I could have made this happen.
Then again, maybe this brunette and I just weren't compatible. I'll discuss that more later.
It was near closing time, and the Tyler guy suggested grabbing food. Prior to that, I had told my girl about after hours. My girl was a bit reluctant so then the two girls decided to go to the bathroom to discuss things. Seagull and this other wing (I don't know his screen name but he's a guy I met years ago through Seagull and Herschey) had gone outside because they thought this pull was gonna happen.
When they went to the bathroom, the Tyler guy and I discussed our plan. I knew that my girl wasn't that into me and I figured they were gonna come out and say they had to go.
This situation really triggers negative emotions in me. My negative side wants to identify with that pattern of me being in a 2-set where my friend/wing hooks up with the girl and my girls is not interested in me. That happened several times last year including that Slovakian beach Day 2 with Nintendo.
I feel so shitty when this happens because it reminds me of the old AFC days where other guys get girls and I'm always the guy that the girls don't like.
I know this isn't true now. Yeah, I've had some bad situations with 2-sets where my girl didn't like me, but I even think of that Willow set with Nintendo where his redhead just wandered off, and the girl I was stuck with wanted to fuck me. Then, I try to still be negative by saying that girl was fat so that doesn't count.
No, I know sometimes it just doesn't work out for the other guy. There have been countless sets where some girl liked me and the other girl didn't like 2j, Nintendo, or whomever. I actually just typed that I've never been in a set where I was the one who hooked up and my wing with his girl didn't, but then I truly got to see how part of me is just trying to be negative.
As I typed that sentence, I remembered that first SNL I ever had that one New Years with Seagull. We pulled a 2-set to his place and I hooked up with my girl and his girl fell asleep and he didn't get laid.
Bottom line is I have to stop trying to identify with this negative pattern. So what, this girl in the 2-set didn't want to hook up with me. I might not have been able to change that. What I should have done was get more physical early as I wasn't kinoing enough. She did like me at some point, the eye gazing was there. I was hoping they'd come to the after hours and more verbal game would have hooked her, but my kino had been week for this point of the night. My girl wasn't ready to hook up with me as we had just been talking so of course she told the blonde she didn't want to go home with us.
Yeah, the honest truth is that the girls knew that if they left with us, they were agreeing to hook up with us, and my girl wasn't ready for that.
Oh, and in closing, I just thought of this set I had with 2-j at Kincaid's last summer. It was during this week where I had a kiss close several days in a row and was trying to go to after hours with this set. There was a guy, three girls, 2j and I. His girl wanted him but it seemed like the guy knew 2j's girls boyfriend of something because she made it sound like nothing could happen because of the presence of that guy. My girl was ready to go to the after bar with me. I should have just gone with the set, but there is just another example where I"m not the guy holding up the close so again, I cannot justify identifying with this negative situation.
Not ready for the solo mission
Tonight played out well considering where it started. If I keep going out consistently, I know I'll again get to the point where it's hard to believe I could even stand around at a bar and not open anything. The last time this happened was when I took a break last year and actually wound up at the same place not opening anyone.
I was supposed to meet up with Seagull but he stopped responding for awhile. Nintendo had told me he was going out in River North, but I couldn't find parking and he didn't respond any way. At that point, I wished that Seagull had just told me he wasn't going out as I would have stayed in. Having driving out to the city, though, I wouldn't allow myself to drive home so I decided to go to Lincoln Park cause I knew I'd find parking.
I went to Lion Head/The Apartment. It's funny that I basically started sarging there years ago. I experienced two competing thoughts as I was standing around not opening anyone. The journey started here so I should be able to open at this place. I kept asking myself if I could really not open any girls and have opened more that first day sarging than I would this night after all these years of practice and having gotten more success than I would have imagined I really could have gotten when I started.
After an hour of standing around, I pulled up this blog in a hope that reading my old adventures would inspire me. Instead, I thought about how it was possible that I could be the same guy that experienced all this cool stuff in the past and yet be utterly unable to start talking to any girls.
As I wrote on Friday, I know how standing around ends. Had I stood around all night, I would have felt like shit and gotten no girls. At the same time, I didn't want to open because I knew I was gonna suck and wasn't gonna be the cool guy that I sometimes am. My ego didn't want to open because it was afraid of not being able to feel like I had any skills and I also didn't want to open because I knew I wouldn't be putting my best self forward.
Of course, I know that the only way to break out of this and bring out my charismatic side was to start opening.
I know that it's easier to go out with good wings, but ultimately I have to talk to the girls and I have to make it happen for myself.
Luckily, Seagull saved my night by texting me that he had some drama earlier at this other bar with his best friend's birthday and that's why he hadn't responded. He told me he had decided to come out.
I told him when he arrive that I wondered if I would have opened had he decided not to come out. I figured there was a 50/50 chance that I would have stood around the entire night without doing anything.
I was supposed to meet up with Seagull but he stopped responding for awhile. Nintendo had told me he was going out in River North, but I couldn't find parking and he didn't respond any way. At that point, I wished that Seagull had just told me he wasn't going out as I would have stayed in. Having driving out to the city, though, I wouldn't allow myself to drive home so I decided to go to Lincoln Park cause I knew I'd find parking.
I went to Lion Head/The Apartment. It's funny that I basically started sarging there years ago. I experienced two competing thoughts as I was standing around not opening anyone. The journey started here so I should be able to open at this place. I kept asking myself if I could really not open any girls and have opened more that first day sarging than I would this night after all these years of practice and having gotten more success than I would have imagined I really could have gotten when I started.
After an hour of standing around, I pulled up this blog in a hope that reading my old adventures would inspire me. Instead, I thought about how it was possible that I could be the same guy that experienced all this cool stuff in the past and yet be utterly unable to start talking to any girls.
As I wrote on Friday, I know how standing around ends. Had I stood around all night, I would have felt like shit and gotten no girls. At the same time, I didn't want to open because I knew I was gonna suck and wasn't gonna be the cool guy that I sometimes am. My ego didn't want to open because it was afraid of not being able to feel like I had any skills and I also didn't want to open because I knew I wouldn't be putting my best self forward.
Of course, I know that the only way to break out of this and bring out my charismatic side was to start opening.
I know that it's easier to go out with good wings, but ultimately I have to talk to the girls and I have to make it happen for myself.
Luckily, Seagull saved my night by texting me that he had some drama earlier at this other bar with his best friend's birthday and that's why he hadn't responded. He told me he had decided to come out.
I told him when he arrive that I wondered if I would have opened had he decided not to come out. I figured there was a 50/50 chance that I would have stood around the entire night without doing anything.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
2nd Day Back: Lessons and a good Romanian set
As I was struggling at the start of the night, I decided to look back at my blog. I realized I hadn't posted since January. I went out several times after that but all of the nights were starting to blend together so I stopped posting. Then, I went on too big of a cut and my body rebelled. I got to my leanest but I also crashed my sex drive in the process which made me less motivated to go out. Things cycled to where I just wasn't going out and it bothered me, but I finally brought myself back this week.
Seagull returned a few weeks ago and was asking me to go out with him but I just couldn't get out of this rut. I kept trying to hook him up with 2j and Nintendo. Finally, we agreed to go out Tuesday. I got drunk on the cheap and Joe's. The place was slow and we ran a few sets but nothing notable.
Today was a day of learning some old lessons ago and deprogramming some garbage thoughts in my head. I hesitated way too much and kept hoping Seagull would open rather than doing so myself.
Strangely, luck would have it that the first set I actually opened ended up being a good set. I say luck because I could have opened my first set and just had it go horrible.
I'm too hard on myself though. Even though I had this good set, I kept doubting myself for most of the night and constantly had to pep talk myself, sometimes out loud to motivated both Seagull and myself.
It's the same stuff I used to say before, but it applies to all of us. Some of the stuff I said tonight to myself and Seagull:
-How much time are we gonna spend standing around doubting ourself?
-What the fuck do you think that you need that you don't have that's gonna make that set go better?
-You know that no matter what happens, we end up in this same situation every night. We other go open and make moves or stand around doubting ourselves. We could pull a hot set tonight and the next night, we'd still stand here and have to open and start again.
Making most of the right moves with this Romanian set:
You can tell we're both out of practice when we have far too many moments where we're point out sets to each other and debating about who should open. I was known by the local guys that I've gone out with as being the guy who will open. It feels so weird to me to have to fight so hard to open. I decided I'd go open this seated 2-set.
Immediately, the girl with the lighter hair responded well to me. I later learned it was her birthday at midnight which is why they were out. She was smiling and holding strong eye contact. I had all the signs that it was on. Seagull came in to wing, but his girl was married so that was an issue but he did his best to keep her engaged in covnersation.
Knowing the right moves but not taking them:
This was a common problem I'd have even when I was good. When I first started going out, I'd often be lost and just not know what the right moves in a situation was or I would just be content with trying to stay in a set as long as I could before getting busted out. Now, I see a lot of moves even after this break, yet I don't want to take them.
I told Seagull that we should sit down at the table. Part of me doesn't want to do it in these situations. I know I'm risking rejection, and I'm somewhat imposing on the set. On the other hand, I know it's slow value to keep standing there and you look like a man if you sit down. Beyond that, I know how to sit down from the old Mystery stuff: I just sit down while I'm talking.
This is similar to when Seagull opened this moving set in the half assed way I often do. Part of you is afraid to open, and you're afraid of being rejected, so you hold back and hesitate and you end up coming off as creepy and getting the rejections. If you had instead made the solid move with confidence, you might have hooked the set.
Well, this girl like me enough that she asked me to sit down. I thought it was funny that she was making it easy. She did like me; besides the obvious body language clues, I mentioned stuff like the Conservatory and I swear she said, "We should go." At least I wasn't dumb enough not to get her number.
I knew I should isolate her to the other part of the bar and dance. As I thought about the set more the rest of the night, I realize I probably could have gotten a kiss close. I kept suggesting the dance floor and she wasn't rejecting the idea, but again, I didn't want to make the strong move (that I knew was the right move). I needed to just grab her hand and lead her over there.
The girls ended up walking away, and I was given a final clue that she was really into me because she turned around as the friend was leading her away and said they were going that way. She left reluctantly.
I've been in this far too long to know what the opposite looks like. If the girl hadn't been into me, she would have just walked off.
I probably could have walked with them but I didn't.
Too drunk:
Later, I saw them walk by. I tried to stop them but didn't get her attention in time. We found them later and I tried to dance with my girl. She was too drunk and I just wasn't hooking her this time. For some reason, I didn't try talking more. I kept trying to dance. The girl at one point said to me, "I'm so drunk." She was drunk as she kept leaning into her friend.
I felt like I had screwed up. I had made some missteps but I should feel bad. I made more moves that I would have expected coming off the layoff and I forced myself to go back into this set even though part of me didn't want to do so.
Getting state from am AMOG situation:
I had a flashback to old times. I opened this two set and this tall good looking guys from Texas who had no stones to open the girls themselves used my opening as a reason to talk to the girl. I knew she didn't know them so I didn't leave and kept trying to talk to her. I even threw out some AMOG's at the guys which one guy qualified himself to.
My mistake was I'd let the guy talk and not keep plowing. The funny thing is that I guess I still have some moves. My girl turned back to me several times and apologized. She was apologizing to talking to the guys and being rude to me. It feels weird to type that, but that was the situation. I was feeling like I should have pulled her attention sooner.
I later gave up and walked a few feet away with Seagull. I remember telling me again, "I hate that shit, but at the same time it gives me state. That's how it used to be: guys would use me as a reason to open, when they'd be too chicken to do so themselves. Fuck that. When they do that, it makes me wanna stay and try to outgame them."
As we were talking about this, the 2-set walked by and the girl said something to me. I forget the exact words but she said she didn't know any of those guy and was basically apologetic again.
I wasn't expecting that and as I write this, I don't know why I didn't try to engage her more. I do remember she said that as she was walking by. The friend was leading her and she had just stopped to say that, but I should have stopped her.
Part of me just thought that this is what 2j describes as behavior from classier girls, as opposed to the trashy drunk girls we sometimes see at the free drink venues. That's true but at the same time I don't give myself credit sometimes.
I'm actually glad I took the time to write this post because I feel like I'm going to be more confident Saturday in a way that I would not be had I not written this. The Romanian set was good, but I didn't even realize at the time how I did decent in this set considering the circumstances.
I sometimes have some warped vision that I should totally dominate situations like that in a way like Tyler might do in a video. My problem is when I don't live up to some unrealistic standard like that, I view things as failures when there was some good that I overlooked.
Seagull returned a few weeks ago and was asking me to go out with him but I just couldn't get out of this rut. I kept trying to hook him up with 2j and Nintendo. Finally, we agreed to go out Tuesday. I got drunk on the cheap and Joe's. The place was slow and we ran a few sets but nothing notable.
Today was a day of learning some old lessons ago and deprogramming some garbage thoughts in my head. I hesitated way too much and kept hoping Seagull would open rather than doing so myself.
Strangely, luck would have it that the first set I actually opened ended up being a good set. I say luck because I could have opened my first set and just had it go horrible.
I'm too hard on myself though. Even though I had this good set, I kept doubting myself for most of the night and constantly had to pep talk myself, sometimes out loud to motivated both Seagull and myself.
It's the same stuff I used to say before, but it applies to all of us. Some of the stuff I said tonight to myself and Seagull:
-How much time are we gonna spend standing around doubting ourself?
-What the fuck do you think that you need that you don't have that's gonna make that set go better?
-You know that no matter what happens, we end up in this same situation every night. We other go open and make moves or stand around doubting ourselves. We could pull a hot set tonight and the next night, we'd still stand here and have to open and start again.
Making most of the right moves with this Romanian set:
You can tell we're both out of practice when we have far too many moments where we're point out sets to each other and debating about who should open. I was known by the local guys that I've gone out with as being the guy who will open. It feels so weird to me to have to fight so hard to open. I decided I'd go open this seated 2-set.
Immediately, the girl with the lighter hair responded well to me. I later learned it was her birthday at midnight which is why they were out. She was smiling and holding strong eye contact. I had all the signs that it was on. Seagull came in to wing, but his girl was married so that was an issue but he did his best to keep her engaged in covnersation.
Knowing the right moves but not taking them:
This was a common problem I'd have even when I was good. When I first started going out, I'd often be lost and just not know what the right moves in a situation was or I would just be content with trying to stay in a set as long as I could before getting busted out. Now, I see a lot of moves even after this break, yet I don't want to take them.
I told Seagull that we should sit down at the table. Part of me doesn't want to do it in these situations. I know I'm risking rejection, and I'm somewhat imposing on the set. On the other hand, I know it's slow value to keep standing there and you look like a man if you sit down. Beyond that, I know how to sit down from the old Mystery stuff: I just sit down while I'm talking.
This is similar to when Seagull opened this moving set in the half assed way I often do. Part of you is afraid to open, and you're afraid of being rejected, so you hold back and hesitate and you end up coming off as creepy and getting the rejections. If you had instead made the solid move with confidence, you might have hooked the set.
Well, this girl like me enough that she asked me to sit down. I thought it was funny that she was making it easy. She did like me; besides the obvious body language clues, I mentioned stuff like the Conservatory and I swear she said, "We should go." At least I wasn't dumb enough not to get her number.
I knew I should isolate her to the other part of the bar and dance. As I thought about the set more the rest of the night, I realize I probably could have gotten a kiss close. I kept suggesting the dance floor and she wasn't rejecting the idea, but again, I didn't want to make the strong move (that I knew was the right move). I needed to just grab her hand and lead her over there.
The girls ended up walking away, and I was given a final clue that she was really into me because she turned around as the friend was leading her away and said they were going that way. She left reluctantly.
I've been in this far too long to know what the opposite looks like. If the girl hadn't been into me, she would have just walked off.
I probably could have walked with them but I didn't.
Too drunk:
Later, I saw them walk by. I tried to stop them but didn't get her attention in time. We found them later and I tried to dance with my girl. She was too drunk and I just wasn't hooking her this time. For some reason, I didn't try talking more. I kept trying to dance. The girl at one point said to me, "I'm so drunk." She was drunk as she kept leaning into her friend.
I felt like I had screwed up. I had made some missteps but I should feel bad. I made more moves that I would have expected coming off the layoff and I forced myself to go back into this set even though part of me didn't want to do so.
Getting state from am AMOG situation:
I had a flashback to old times. I opened this two set and this tall good looking guys from Texas who had no stones to open the girls themselves used my opening as a reason to talk to the girl. I knew she didn't know them so I didn't leave and kept trying to talk to her. I even threw out some AMOG's at the guys which one guy qualified himself to.
My mistake was I'd let the guy talk and not keep plowing. The funny thing is that I guess I still have some moves. My girl turned back to me several times and apologized. She was apologizing to talking to the guys and being rude to me. It feels weird to type that, but that was the situation. I was feeling like I should have pulled her attention sooner.
I later gave up and walked a few feet away with Seagull. I remember telling me again, "I hate that shit, but at the same time it gives me state. That's how it used to be: guys would use me as a reason to open, when they'd be too chicken to do so themselves. Fuck that. When they do that, it makes me wanna stay and try to outgame them."
As we were talking about this, the 2-set walked by and the girl said something to me. I forget the exact words but she said she didn't know any of those guy and was basically apologetic again.
I wasn't expecting that and as I write this, I don't know why I didn't try to engage her more. I do remember she said that as she was walking by. The friend was leading her and she had just stopped to say that, but I should have stopped her.
Part of me just thought that this is what 2j describes as behavior from classier girls, as opposed to the trashy drunk girls we sometimes see at the free drink venues. That's true but at the same time I don't give myself credit sometimes.
I'm actually glad I took the time to write this post because I feel like I'm going to be more confident Saturday in a way that I would not be had I not written this. The Romanian set was good, but I didn't even realize at the time how I did decent in this set considering the circumstances.
I sometimes have some warped vision that I should totally dominate situations like that in a way like Tyler might do in a video. My problem is when I don't live up to some unrealistic standard like that, I view things as failures when there was some good that I overlooked.
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